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Frustrated by BM

ladybugz80's picture

Submitted by ladybugz80 on Tue, 04/16/2013 - 8:28am

About a year ago my SK came to live with us due to BM and her boyfriend's mental stability and ability to parent appropriately. BM had one of her boyfriends children removed by CS due to her abilities. We then subsequently found out that she had gone to a neighbor prior to this and threatened to kill the kids and herself. We went to court with CS and were granted custody and mom was given unsupervised access only. We have found that when the kids come back from a weekend with her that they are very unsettled which makes us think that she is making the kids feel sorry for her(this has been a consistent for her)Last night we found that BM found out that SS had a facebook account and decided to add herself to it as well as her cling-on boyfriend. SS didn't notice that she added herself along with getting his login info so she could spy on us. I found this out yesterday and deleted the cling-on and lone behold two hours later he was unblocked and readded. Not to mention he was also sending messages to SS about how he missed him. I later changed SS email and password. And explained to him that it was all to protect him. How do you explain to a SK that their BM wanted to kill them? or do you? How do you get them to believe you? I am beyond frustrated with this broad and her cling on. He has 4 other kids that he doesn't seem to give a hoot about (hasn't seen two of them in over a year, one was apprehended and the other still lives with them and doesn't pay child support for any of them) Any advice would be appreciated at this point.

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sasha101's picture

Submitted by sasha101 on Tue, 04/16/2013 - 12:11pm

That's a difficult one. I suppose what you tell them depends on how old they are and how mature they are. You are right to want to protect them and the boyfriend sounds like a real piece of shit, but the skids might not see it that way and think you're the one who's being nasty to them. If you tell them their bm wanted to kill them, what happens when they go to her for contact? They're either going to be scared or they're not going to believe you and might tell her what you've said, which will cause a lot more trouble. What will happen if they refuse to go for their contact? Is that likely to happen, and if it does will it cause a lot more trouble from her? If she has a history of messing with their heads and making them feel sorry for her, that's a form of emotional abuse and would definitely make them unsettled after contact (my skids bm does this and it pisses me off no end). What does their father say about it? As the bio parent, I think the final decision on what to tell them and how to handle it should rest with him, but it sounds like these kids are being emotionally abused by their bm and her bf and it needs to stop. Do the skids have any involvement with therapists or other professionals you could talk to, as it sounds like you might need some professional advice and support to work out how to keep the kids safe from bm and bf's abuse.