SD finally pulling the "I'm gonna tell my mom" card *eyeroll*
Let me just start by saying that things between me and SD11 have been pretty ok thus far. I'm usually good with tending to her needs, but lately (especially with her recent weight gain and constant need to eat) it's been getting out of hand.
Tonight after the stepkids were supposed to have gone to bed, SD came upstairs to ask me for a snack. Seeing as how she had just had a big piece of PB Cup Blizzard Cake (and a whole bag of popcorn before that), I said "No, the bread is supposed to be for your dad's lunches for the week" and told her to go back to bed. Mind you, I always say these kinds of things delicately, I never yell or snap at her. So she went back downstairs. Fine. Well, not 5 mins later, she comes back up to tell me that her mother wanted to talk to me (via her tablet). And what does she tell me? "SD is hungry, and she needs a snack." Are you fucking kidding me? SD went and told her mother that I didn't want to feed her after the ginormous piece of ice cream cake and the various snacks she had eaten throughout the day :?
So I kindly explained my reasoning (the ice cream) to justify my saying NO. BM comes back with "Well, she always needs to eat before bed, and I never ever deny her food so even if it's just a piece of bread, that should be fine...She was calling me and crying about being hungry..." Granted, she was pretty nice about it - she didn't yell at me or accuse me of malnourishing her child (as she had in the past), and she actually sounded kind of apologetic (like "Sorry my kid is eating all your food")...but all I was thinking was "It's because you never say NO that she's 120 lbs at age 11!" (I'm 38, stand 5'ft tall, and weigh 115 lbs! Her boobs are bigger than mine!)
It honestly reminded me of a Maury Povich episode where these mothers never said NO to their toddlers asking for food - and these toddlers were morbidly obese (as SD is very close to being)! And she actually said that ice cream isn't that filling, as if her daughter only had one tiny little scoop! No, this was a PEANUT BUTTER CUP BLIZZARD CAKE with a layer of CHOCOLATE FUDGE in the middle - IT WAS FILLING! I can understand if it was SS13 - he's as tall as his dad...but for Little Miss Princess Piggy to call and go crying because she didn't have enough to stuff her face with??? SMFH
True, I rarely deny my own two boys food...but they don't eat every hour on the hour and they're very active and quite skinny. We ALL had the same cake, and none of the rest of us are still hungry...
What BM said (that she never denies SD anything) was quite telling. This is the same girl who is used to getting what she wants (just recently, she got yet another new puppy...as they already have 4 other pets and are on welfare) and she stomps her foot when anyone dares to say NO to her.
I just can't believe that SD actually "told" on me...I'm just in shock. And over a piece of bread??? Now, do you honestly think that if she was still hungry after a slab of ice cream cake, that she won't be hungry after a measly piece of buttered toast???
I should've gone to bed instead of staying up for an hour of peace (after having dealt with the kids all day while DH was at work) to watch TV...Stupid me!
*PS. An 11-yr-old girl should average about 81-82 lbs, making SD about 40 lbs overweight. So no, I don't think I was being harsh about snacks after bed...
(Source - http://www.disabled-world.com/artman/publish/height-weight-teens.shtml)
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http://www.cdc.gov/growthchar
http://www.cdc.gov/growthcharts/html_charts/wtage.htm#females
CDC averages weight for her age group to be at 127# for 97th percentile, with a minimum of 57#. This is just for age, of course and does not take into account her height and how muscular she is. I think if her weight is an issue maybe offer her fruits and veggies for a snack if she is truly hungry.
That chart is confusing to me
That chart is confusing to me
She's 132 months, but I don't understand the whole percentile thing :/
She used to be skinny and active (hockey, baseball, swimming). Yes, I can totally offer her fruits and veggies...but I'm more peeved at the fact that she "tattle taled" (tattle telled???) on me to her mother. She had JUST had something to eat before bed...
And BM is the one enabling her daughter to get to this state. I can cook healthy all I want, but it's what goes on at home that will really influence her decisions. If she had fruits and veggies at home, that's what she would ask for at our house, no? Instead, she wants chips and popcorn, and always asks what's for dessert (that's partly my fault as I used to ALWAYS make something fancy for dessert)...
IDK It just left me with an icky WTF feeling...
I would have just said to BM,
I would have just said to BM, "thanks, I'll handle it" and hung up on her.
Tablet would have been confiscated for the SD's disrespect, and she would have had a lecture about how YOU and DH are in charge in YOUR house and her mother has NO input, and not to EVER call her mother to complain about you again, then sent her to bed (with NO snack) and had her on basic rations for the rest of the visit.
(would your OH have supported you on that or would he abuse you and cave in to BM and SD regardless?)
Mine was the caver. He is now my ex and I live in a peaceful SKID free home, and my grocery bill has been reduced by 2/3 - your skids sound like mine - SD14 was obese, and hoovered up anything and everything, complained to BM that I refused to feed her (yes I refused to feed her the crap and junk food she wanted 24/7 and allowed healthy snacks and some treats.) BM then started sending her with a large suitcase full of junk food, chocolates, soft drink and lollies for a fri-sun stay... I would toss anything I found in her room (huge battles - no food in BRs rule, etc) Then she would bring it in a locked suitcase.... and just leave the trash and wrappers/cans all over the room. Little bitch (I have been caned here for calling her that - but I mean it every damned time - kid called me a whore/bitch etc and got away with it every time) SS is 11 and tall/skinny like his dad, and my kids are both small and skinny and constantly active unlike couch potato SD.
Ugh - this is just the
Ugh - this is just the beginning of the playing adults off again t each other if you allow it. Please nip it in the bud for ALL OF YOU. It requires the adults getting together and agreeing (even if you agree on nothing else) that it would not be good for this pre-soon to be teen to learn to manipulate others to get her way.
Even if it means a counsellor or other third party. You will regret it otherwise when she's sixteen and what she wants is more serious than a piece of bread and she thinks she is able to make her own decisions despite being still entirely dependent.
Sounds like she needs the
Sounds like she needs the tablet taken away and all snacks from here out are healthy or nothing.
Your DH needs to have a chat with bm if or house our rules do not ever attempt to usurp them again.
Sounds like she needs the
Sounds like she needs the tablet taken away and all snacks from here out are healthy or nothing.
Your DH needs to have a chat with bm if or house our rules do not ever attempt to usurp them again.
If the kid's weight is an
If the kid's weight is an issue, why did she even have the cake,bag of popcorn and the other snacks? It sounds like both parents are allowing her to stuff her face all day.
Wow! And you know it's gonna
Wow!
And you know it's gonna be like "She's malnourisshing my child!", when the child could probably live off her fat stores for a few days :jawdrop: BM would accuse us of abuse (for NOT feeding her), yet SHE'S the one NOT saying NO!
SD is ALWAYS asking "What are we having for dessert?" Lately, I haven't been making the big desserts (mainly because of her weight), so she's expecting them now. Last night, I kept saying "Well, I don't know if I have anything to make dessert...I'll have to check to see what I have in the cupboards..." and she actually said "Well, can you check NOW?" :? It's unreal! You won't DIE from not having dessert, so just sit down!
No, bad carbs are not
No, bad carbs are not filling. She needs to start eating more lean protein and good carbs. My thoughts are...You want to cry to mommy about me. I will give you something to cry about. Future desserts would be fruit with sugar free Jell-O. If I feel like being nice, you might get a touch of whip cream with that Jell-O.
I admit I love my carbs too! They just make you fat, tired and still hungry.
I be royally PISSED myself. You need to talk with your DH and nip this bullshit in the butt. I let her keep her tablet. I would just change the password on the router. Karma is bitch.
If they are on welfare, I am betting all these pets are not getting all their shots and regular vet check ups. I am very much a pet lover. Pets are not cheap. There needs go beyond food and water.
HUGS! Wishing you good luck.
Thanks! I just told DH and
Thanks!
I just told DH and he didn't like it. He agrees no more tablets in bed. When SD came back to us, overweight, I WAS doing the whole "carrot/celery sticks" snack thing; but I've gotten lazy, I'll admit that! :O I need to start preparing more veggies so she can just grab them from the fridge when she's "hungry".
Weight is a tricky thing to deal with, especially with a preteen. I've gotten a lot of flack for commenting on it - but that's because I'm not USED to it, my two boys are active and skinny/average weight. I'm not used to dealing with someone who is hungry 2 times in an hour, least of all a Drama Queen Princess!
No matter how far along you are in this whole step-parenting business, there's always something to learn!
Haha! Yes, I agree. We didn't
Haha! Yes, I agree. We didn't see the skids for a couple of months, then when we got them back, BOOM! SD was a completely different person :/
We know it wasn't US who helped her gain the weight. It was probably her meds, but her mother doesn't seem to be doing anything to get her on different pills...
If your SD has gained all
If your SD has gained all this weight after being on medication, she may not have much control over these 'cravings'. Some meds. can have this side effect.
This is not to say that the parents can't monitor what and how often she eats, and how much physical activity she gets.
I can't believe you even
I can't believe you even entertained BM. I agree you should have shut that down immediately. "Your house, your rules."
Next time give her a bowl of veggies. It's how I tell if BS13 is really hungry or just wants some junk.
OK Wow. I just woke up and
OK Wow. I just woke up and found my post blown up :/ A few points:
1. This was after midnight and hubby had already gone to bed after having worked all day, and I was still up to watch some TV when she came upstairs.
2. I agree that we enable her as well. I'm in the boat of "Give her what she wants and that'll shut her up", which I KNOW isn't the right thing to do. Usually, if she wants things like another piece of cake or another popsicle, I'll steer her towards "healthier" snacks like the popcorn (better than chips at least). My 8-yr-old son is the same way and I usually say NO to him, but this is SD, who is a virtual ticking time bomb. When hubby isn't around, I find it easier to just give her whatever and send her on her way. She doesn't usually give me attitude (to my face, anyway), so I see no reason to be all like "NO and F U"
3. She had a full dinner, then popcorn later on in the night, then ice cream cake which hubby brought home. She's just always hungry.
4. Regarding BM, it was sprung on me and I'm not the type to be all like "F U and the horse you rode in on!" She was decent to me, so I was decent back. It was actually SD, not BM, I was pissed at...even though BM is the one who is cultivating her attitude.
5. I'll talk to hubby about tablets at bedtime - we've had this issue before, but as things usually go, life gets in the way and you drop the ball.
* I understand everyone's responses and thanks for the feedback (I appreciate them all, good or bad). Like I said in another post, I like this site because of the non-judgemental commments, but I'm kind of regretting that now :/ I feel like I'm the one being attacked instead of supported, but c'est la vie, I guess.
SD has always been spoiled and she's a huge drama queen (I can't tell you how many times she got "kicked off her bus" or suspended from school). I guess I'm just sort of passive-aggressive; I'll just give her what she wants and let her mother deal with it. I'm more concerned with her eating all the food we're supposed to have for the week!
But anyway, thanks for the comments. I'll take them into serious consideration!
*Update: I just told DH what had happened, and he agrees about the tablet being taken away at bedtime again. And he also didn't appreciate SD running to BM the moment someone had the nerve to tell her NO!
I didn't read anything that
I didn't read anything that sounded to me as though you were being 'attacked'.
Maybe one comment about you giving her cake and popcorn, and one other person agreed with that?
I think most of the comments seemed helpful.
Yes, most of them were
Yes, most of them were helpful
Maybe I misread the comments. You know how when you read something, it sounds a certain way in your head? That's pretty much how I am, and it may have sounded a bit harsher in there! ;P
Good point...fluids are
Good point...fluids are important too! G2 Gatorade is good...less sugar. G2 20 oz. 45cals and 12g sugar vs. regular Gatorade 12 oz. 80 21g sugar. The flavors are limited...fruit punch, grape and think one other flavor...not sure. I like both. I find the grape has more of a weak taste. I really like the fruit punch.
Deli lunch meat rolls. 1 or 2 slices depending on thickness and cals. Spread whipped cream cheese with chives or other flavor. Roll up and top of with a olive and a toothpick. If want more taste of a sandwich roll up in a flour taco shell.
Low cal sweets. Cut apple or pear to bit size. Sprinkle light with cinnamon and sugar cook in microwave for about 2 1/2 mins.
Low cal hamburger...1/2 hamburger rolled in flour taco shell...top with cheese and mushrooms or tomato, pickles and lettuce.
Try to get her to do some water with the G2.