9yrs old and at 96lbs...is that normal?
My Dear fiance and his ex got into it last night via phone because of SD9's weight. Her mother has been up my fiance's ass about how much she has gained in the last few months so yesterday she took the liberty to take SD9 for a check up and it turned out she weighs 97lbs. Mind you the child is 9 years old and about 4 feet and a few inches. Is this healthy? Is she considered "over weight"?
Now when he got the phone call and I heard the bitching on the other end... well, it didn't surprise me. One because I 100% agree with the women. (first time for everything.) SD9 can eat a whole cow if you let her with out being actually hungry. She eats just to eat. She has no portion control or any control for that matter when it comes to food. I try to enforce my good eating habits explain to DF that its for her health but he doesn't care, he says "she is going through a growth spurt that's why she is so big" (again with the excuses!) and my favorite.. "At the end she's only a kid, let her eat if she wants to." unbelievable! Its okay let her explode, let her be self conscious about her image, let her not be able to keep up with all her little friends because hey! she is just a kid, she's only going through a growth spurt, so eat up, have a cookie or more like 4 because she cannot just have one.
Freaking sick I tell you! He got ME upset about the subject!
SD9 will never finish a good balanced meal whether it be breakfast, lunch, or at dinner because she claims to be "too full" (yeah, my ass) but give her dessert and its gone within the next 5 mins!
Example: Last Saturday, After dinner all 3 of us went for ice cream, we got sundaes, these sundaes were freaking HUGE with all the works!(I asked to share one with SD9 because I know I never eat it all but she wanted one of her own.. whatever I didn't want to argue with DF.) SD9 and DF both finished theirs, now DF is 6 feet tall and 220lbs so I wouldn't expect anything less from him but SD9! really? I looked at her and the empty bowl in astonishment! and then looked at mine which was still 3/4 full!. (I'm 5ft and 120lbs.) That day and time was a perfect example of portion control. Why not get her a scoop of ice cream instead of her own damn large sundae? Why not give her an apple or some grapes when she wants a snack instead of going for the chips and dip? I think to myself while giving DF the death glare from across the table(and if she whines about not getting her chips, ice cream, cake, cookies etc... which she does then don't give her shit! she doesn't need it anyway!.)
These are all little changes that can make a BIG difference! But DF would care less. I tell him well lets not buy no more junk food if its not in the house then she cant eat it..right? Well What about him and his chips? he doesn't want to have to suffer to, he tells me. What a wonderful dad I think to myself. I guess chips are more important then his daughters health.
I will try my best to teach her how to eat the right way and I will continue to give her small portions.(note she is not always with me and I cant always have control over it.) But if I cant get any support from DF then screw it! They can both grow fat together! I shouldn't have to keep track what SD9 puts in her mouth 24/7! If she was taught how to eat in the first place then this could have be unavoidable. At the end its not MY child getting big. Grr!
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Her father and BM need to
Her father and BM need to make a conscious effort to not make those things avaialable to her anymore. No more chips and dip in the house, no more cookies and cakes in the house etc. Ice cream once a week as a treat and that's it. That's the only way she is going to make healthy choices right now. Does she get any exercise? It doesn't sound like it, but she needs to start. Can she walk with you or dad each day,ride a bike, walk at the mall? Even 30 minutes would make a huge difference. 100 pounds at age 9 and 4 ft some tall is very bad and it's probably only going to get worse unless someone intercedes now! Do you guys or BM have good insurance where she could go to a nutritionist?
My neice is obese and out of control. She'll be 16 shortly and probably weighs over 250 pounds. My sister is concerned and wants them to start making changes (my sis and BIL are overwieght too) so she asked my mom to bring her info on Weight Watchers.. which she did and my mom said that my neice was like "I'm not doing that, I'm not eating that, blah blah blah" I said to my mom... "hmmmmm I remember a certain sister of mine years ago, telling me that she didn't care if kids had ice cream for breakfast as long as they were eating something". Heck she used to let my nephew eat dip right out of the container with a spoon!! And she wonders why they are all fat!!!
you definately need to start making changes now!!
For reference, my BD almost 8
For reference, my BD almost 8 is 4'3" and weighs 54 pounds. So yes, I would say your SD is overweight. I also will say from experience that this is a battle you will not win. SD went from being 70 pounds at age 8 to 105 pounds at age 9 (gained 50 percent of her body weight in one year). Why? DH and BM were trying to compensate for her for having to have a stepmom. Oh boo hoo. They had every other day custody, and I figured out SD was getting fast food on about five out of every seven days of the week. Not to mention that at age 8 she could eat more tacos than DH (six for dinner). By contrast, my BD at nearly the same age eats two tacos.
I tried what you are doing, encouraging less eating out, buying healthy snacks. In everyone's eyes, I was "mean." I even made a list of snack items SD could eat at any time without asking permission and another list of snacks that are available but she needs to ask before having. Again, that was "mean." I gave up. By the time SD was 10, she was wearing women's extra-large clothes. Yep, you read that right. But BM and DH used the same excuse of her going through a growing spurt. SD did grow up during puberty and for a while didn't grow out, but about age 17 her bad (unhealthy) eating habits caught up with her again and now she's rapidly growing out.
I commend you for caring, but I'm not sure it will be worth it in the long run if the only one who truly cares is you.
Wow! Are you engaged to my
Wow! Are you engaged to my husband?? We have this EXACT same problem, except DH has finally realized that maybe a 100 lb 9 y/o isnt super healthy. The problem is actually with BM though. She gives them whatever they want (pizza, ice cream, brownies, etc.) and we only have a short amount of time to teach them eating habits. At first, DH said it wouldnt make a difference since we only have them EOW but we kept them for a week at a time during the summer and, holy cow, what a difference in attitude and energy! Now he sees the importance but unfortunately is too scared of BM to tell her anything.
I think people view food as a
I think people view food as a pastime and not fuel. Explain it to your husband like this... when he fills his car does he let the gas flow out and over the side of his car? Of course not! And gas is actually cheaper than milk if you think about it.
So he is actually WASTING money by overfeeding her.
Also she gets 'something', some sense of satisfaction by overeating. There is an intrinsic reward from overeating. I know it because I do it and after a lifetime of eating I am slowly training myself to re-evaluate WHY I need to eat right now.
What you can do is trick her. Introduce popping corn into your diet. Don't add anything or salt it a little. But you will never add as much salt as in the store. Steer clear of the microwave popping corn. It is FULL of fat. Park the car further away from the door of the supermarket/mall/movie theater/school. Make her walk for things. Send her out to get the mail. Don't buy the supersized ANYTHING. And stop buying chips and dip and snack food. If your DH WANTS it he can go out and buy his own. Maybe introduce the idea that the money you save from not buying the junk food and indulging in wants not needs will pay for a trip to Disneyworld (for example).
Right now my 4 yr old g/daughter wants to go to Disneyworld next year and Hogwarts. Her spending money is from saving her pennies and dimes and nickels. Maybe your SD could save the money for something she REALLY wants. If she buys a small DQ Blizzard instead of a large Blizzard she gets to keep the difference.
Her father is not doing anything for her but feeding her boredom.
I think it would be good to
I think it would be good to get SD in some kind of counseling. She may have emotional issues that she's squashing with the food.
I was always the fat kid. I had also been molested and emotionally abused from as early as I remember until he died when I was 12. Eating was one of the only things I had control over. I think if an adult had realized all this and got me into therapy to learn how to deal with my feelings, I wouldn't be the up and down weight clown I am today.
Not saying your SD is in any situation even close to what I went through, but if she is eating her feelings, I do think a therapist could help her.
Don't be too hard on
Don't be too hard on yourself. There was an article about yo yo dieting saying that now they think being a yo yo dieter is better than just doing nothing about one's weight and skipping proper eating and exercise.
I too was abused as a child and that could be part of the eating, but I see a growing number of children who just plain are never told "no" so they indulge in anything that "feels good." Delayed gratification is foreign to these children and they seem to be the product of their guilty/BFF parents who just want to free range.
Well thanks. I don't know
Well thanks. I don't know what turning 30 did to me, but I feel renewed motivation to get this extra 80lbs off me. Maybe it will work out this time, lol. Who knows?
Sorry to hear you also had a rough childhood.. sucks. I was thinking the same thing about the SD eating just because she could though. My SD doesn't have this problem with eating, but IS very lazy because she's never had any responsibilities. She's gotten better since I came around, but I think she's always gonna be a 'half-asser'!
I can relate! GG's children
I can relate! GG's children have HORRIBLE eating habits which he encouraged when they were doing visitation. HIs children are huge compared to other children their age (BM's side is all 6' tall and over including the women and many 300+ pounders)
GG would give them HUGE helpings of chocolate ice cream, with chocolate syrup and chocolate sprinkles just before bed. He used to INSIST that we have ENORMOUS candy dishes throughout the house filled with their fav candy (reeses peanut butter cups/ hershey's milk chocolate) at all times!! Brand name doritos, oreos, you name it!! NOTHING healthy!! And I heard the old "growth spurt" excuse as well. The Behemoth's (BM) eating habits are atrocious as well and they are all very heavy on that side of the family as well as many of GG's relatives (either stick thin or very large)
I would, at this point, disengage. Let him deal with the consequences when Princess comes down with diabetes!! Obviously everything you've told him is very reasonable, yet he ignores it.
The more you say something, the more he'll take it as an "attack" against Precious. The "you just don't like my kid" will be hurled from the book of Guilty Daddy Chapter 7 verse 2.