LOL. No, he knew exactly what I was doing and he understands, yet at the same time he thinks I have her on my mind way too much. And maybe I do, but I don't feel like he helps with that either. He asks what he can do, but he won't accept my answers. I think when he asks what he can do, he really means it as "there's nothing I can do so you're asking the impossible" which really makes me angry!!

I would have had a quick response but I just had a fight with my DH so I feel compelled to keep writing. This is my first time on this website and I've recently been struggling much more than usual with the BM and I'm not sure why but I suppose we all have our boiling points. So I'm thinking I'm doing really good by utilizing this website to vent, rather than venting to my DH. But this morning, my DH wakes up 2 hours after me and asks what I've been doing for the last 2 hours and I told him I was on the computer reading and writing, and he wanted more specifics so I said I jokingly said "about how much I hate my life" because if you know my DH then you know that he judges everything before giving it a chance and then later typically looks like an ass because he was wrong and I just know that telling him that I'm on the website that he will be negative. So then he says "so it's gonna make you more bitter" I said no, it actually helps, sometimes I get bitter because I think about my situation more, but all for the ideas of making things better and learning (not to sulk in my sorrow) I'm not that type of person. But it turns into this big argument and he had the audicity to tell me that I am disconnected from the real world for being on this website, and that I am going to cause him to lose his son (because he currently lives with us) and that this website is stupid and the idea that I want to vent on here is ridiculous...on and on. I became so infuriated. The argument was on like donkey kong. He told me that I'm not telling him what he can do (which is not true) He said that he hasn't done anything and he thought this whole problem was fixed. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!! This is my life from here on out. I have to deal with being step mommy and his stupid ex wife for the rest of my life and he just thinks we've fixed it!! HELL NO!!! So he proceeds to tell me that because of my bad mood lately, the kids don't want to be at our house and if I don't get over it and be more mature that him and the kids will just go away. The argument went on and I said some mean things because I can't handle my anger when he taunts me, mocks me, and says things that aren't true to make me look like an awful person. Finally, I met my breaking point and told him he was a waste of my time. He just left. I am so hurt, I get angry and then I want him to hurt too. I think I've come to the conclusion that if he's not willing to talk to his ex wife and support the idea of there being a better relationship between us, then I am going to get her number and call her and propose we work things out between us. I hate how my feelings toward her and him spill over to the kids because it's not their fault and they're really good kids. Unfortunately they're at a really tough age as far as being a stepparent goes. The SS is 13 and SD11. I can't treat them the way I would treat my own, and that causes more frustration on my part. Not to mention the fact that my DH tells me I'm a bad parent and that I know nothing about being a parent. I highly resent that. I have my Bachelors degree in child/adolescent psychology. I work with juveniles, I have two younger brothers and I've been in the step parent role before when the child was 2. I know how to be a parent and a good one, but they're too old for me to be authoritative or I'm sure I'll hear "you're not my mom, or Kacie is mean" And I refuse to ever have to hear that because I will lash out and say something that will get me in trouble. My DH is so controlling and he wants his kids raised his way and I don't always agree with him so its hard for me to play the good stepparent role when I always feel like he's going to be angry at me for the way I do it, because it's not his way. I can't win for losing. I don't even know what to do anymore. I'm not sure if it's all worth it. This stress is unbearable at times. And what's the pay off? I've never been married, I have no kids. I'm one hell of catch for somebody out there that doesn't have kids and an ex wife!!!