So, here's my problem. My step daughter hides things from us hoping we won't find out (she has a pet hedgehog her mother gave her and she knows we don't want it here). It's not really about the animal, its the telling us its at her moms when it's really stuffed in her closet and she's hoping we won't discover it. Well, she never cleans her room, so it's cage stunk and I found it in her closet. It's alive, but neglected. I am upset for several reasons: 1. no animal deserves to be shoved in a closet and living in filth 2. she lied to us. My husband insists I'm over-reacting but I'm making a point. Her room is disgusting and I often find used water bottles, trash on the floor, used tampons under the bed, etc. It's gross. I shared this with my husband and he said his ex wife was the same way so she's just like her mom. I'm not a neat freak, but I do use a trashcan and not the floor. I think it's disrespectful to us. I think the problem is just getting worse and worse and my husband chooses to ignore it. He doesn't like to cause "waves" or issues with his kids. They do whatever they want while we sit and smile and look the other way. I'm at my wits end and cannot deal with this hands off style of parenting. I asked her straight up to clean the animals cage and she is now mad I "snooped" in her room, making a whole other issue. She is a college student and I don't want her to hate me. I just want her to understand hiding things is a bad idea. We want honesty and I expect the animal to be treated right and live in a clean cage. My husband just rolls his eyes and insists I'm out of line and doesn't back me up - previously it was his idea that the animal lives with his ex since she bought it. I agreed. To be very clear, she's a lovely young lady who I brag about often as she's wise beyond her years, fun to be around and very smart. Even though she's a step child, I love her like she's my own and I've told her so. She didn't seem to care. I know kids push things to the limit and soon she'll be out of the nest completely. I'm torn between thinking I'll miss her and feeling sometimes like I can't wait. I don't want our relationship to end badly. I'm not a perfect parent but I want to be the best I can. This doesn't make sense. I want my husband to go to couples counseling, but he refuses saying this is a stupid reason to be upset. We have 3 other boys who don't act so badly and talk back. They are good students and respectful. I'm just so sad at this terrible relationship and unsure how to fix it. Her dad pays for her brand new car, gives her cash and she walks all over us.