You are here

Adult step daughter

Kelly2914's picture

Submitted by Kelly2914 on Sun, 09/29/2019 - 2:37pm

My SD is almost 20 with 2 kids of her own and she uses them against us basically if we don't cater to her wants and needs she wont let us see the kids. My biggest issue is she refuses  to work and wont support the kids or go after the fathers and wants to  move back in with us so we become responsible for there well being which im ok with taking care of her kids just not her. Unfortunately my fiance  see it differently  we have been together  21 years and are trying to plan a wedding but SD is doing everything  possible  to make sure that dont happen by moving back. He refuses to put his foot down  with her and i feel so lost she is completely disrespectful to me and the other kids she thinks she runs everything and im not willing to keep this up anymore im working 2 fulltime jobs to help keep our family  a float  and dont want her moving  home and not doing anything  i guess my biggest  question is how do I get her to understand she needs to do things for herself  and stop relying on her dad 

Comments

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Sun, 09/29/2019 - 3:33pm

Who is supporting her children if she's not working or getting support from their fathers?  Is your fiance working two full time jobs to make ends meet?  Do you have separate finances?  There is NO WAY I would allow an adult child (step or bio) to move in and not help with expenses if I was working 2 jobs to keep things afloat. No way.  Does this SD have the skills that she could make much more than daycare costs? Does she have access to govt assistance, for childcare or otherwise?  Your fiance would be better off educating her on resources and finances than enabling her to be lazy and dependent on him.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Sun, 09/29/2019 - 3:37pm

You don't need her to understand that she needs to support herself - you need to get your SO to understand that. The quickest way to get that point across would be for you to separate your finances and only pay for yourself. Quit working two jobs to support people who don't appreciate you.

DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

Submitted by DHsfamilyfromhell on Sun, 09/29/2019 - 4:53pm

The problem with letting adult children with young kids move in, is that once they have on tap babysitters and resources they don’t have any motivation to move out. 

I think it would be kind to offer short, temporary ‘respite’ to someone suffering from depression or something else. Eg someone should offer to stay at their place for a few days, for example,  if they genuinely need to be shown how to look after themselves etc again. If they say no, then at least an offer of help has been made.