Same scenario different sd - mini wife syndrome
Here we go again with the mini wife syndrome. Only this time it is with osd. Osd (39) has been living with us for almost a year. She lost her job because of gambling problems. That's another whole story. All in all she is ok. She got a new job and does help around the house. But, I am so tired of hearing I did this and I did that. Well you live here you should do something.Big problem is she is always up in our business. Very rarely do we have any alone time. But, what bothers me the most is she acts like a mimi wife. Sometimes I feel like a visitor in my own home. She did not grow up in this house. For instance Dh and I are sitting on the porch discussing the new patio he is putting in. She has to interject her opinions. You know what? who gives a F$$$ what you think? I am not used to adult children giving their opinion with out being asked. And she has an opinion on everything. Sometimes I feel as if I am being petty. However, I have been thru this before with ysd. The other thing that drives me crazy is I will be on the phone. She comes out and sits down. I get up and leave. I would like a little privacy. As soon as DH comes home from work she runs and tells him any tidbit that happened during the day. Sometimes I feel like I am married to my dh, and osd.
Ok enough venting for one morning. Just had to get it out.
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Comments
She needs to be told she has
She needs to be told she has 30 days (or whatever you and your DH agree to) to find other living arrangements.
You have been more than gracious giving her a place to live when she became down and out, which was of her own doing.
39 and living with you for
39 and living with you for almost a YEAR??
You describe my SD too. I
You describe my SD too. I genuinely like her -- she is responsible, easy enough to be around, helps when she visits, encourages a relationship with SGS. But she is opinionated and speaks very freely to her father (and others) about what it is she thinks they should and should not be doing.
DH and I were doing a major remodeling project, and she had lots of ideas. I didn't mind the ideas and opinions at all--, but I DID mind DH falling all over himself to try to please HER. It was like they were making decisions, and I wasn't being included. I have learned to calmly speak to DH about it with the best of counseling techniques (when you do X, I feel Y). I told him I welcome all ideas, but it is up to US to decide. He heard me. He is still unlearning a LOT of disney dad behavior.
Yeah, 39 and living with you? Ugh.
39????? There are no words.
39????? There are no words. Doesn't your town have a homeless shelter she could have gone to??
Thanks everyone for your
Thanks everyone for your comments. Osd could not find a job for 6 months. She did get unemployment. And Merry I used some of your suggestions last night. DH wants Osd to stay with us until she has enough savings to buy a house. This woman made 6 figures for years and has nothing to show for it because of the gambling. It is awful on my part because I am waiting for her to gamble again. The agreement was if she gambled she is out of our house. She has already broken one part of the agreement and dh has let her get away with it.
In my opinion gambling is an addiction. She needs GA meetings.
Venting again.
Warning! Bitch out Thursday.
Warning! Bitch out Thursday. Yep, just what I need I need to rant and rave and bitch. I am so sick of osd daughter living here. I want her to move out. Dh feels she needs to stay for at least another year so she can save more money to buy a house. We cannot agree on this. I am tired of her having to use the Kruger to make her morning coffee. I make a pot of coffee every morning. Nope she has to make her own. Drives me crazy because she is in my way when I am cooking breakfast. Sounds Petty I know. I hate that she insist on talking first thing in the morning. Say good morning and be quiet. I have requested that numerous times. I like my quiet time to drink my coffee and think about my day. It is my house. I cannot even go sit on the porch or patio because she will follow me. I don't want to hear you bitch about your job, how your latest boyfriends is so wonderful and by the way my mom (BM1) asked how keepsmiling is doing with osd living with her. I don't F****** care. Dh and I are planning a get a way weekend. I don't want this new boyfriend in our house, or staying overnight. We have never met the guy. It is not my fault he is embarrassed to take you to his house or that you don't have your own place to entertain him (read sleep with him). I just feel so trapped. Every time I want to do wash there are clothes in the washer or dryer. I hate that when we have friends over she has to join us. Dh feels guilty because he was not there for her in the past. Not my problem. I raised 3 kids practically single handed. I choose not to get involved with anyone until my kids were adults. Dh didn't. BM2 (the one that died) and said osd never got along. She would not let osd live with them. Smart woman! Obviously I am not.
And yes, dh and I have had many discussions about osd living here. He tells me he understands. He has gotten much better about the minni wife thing. But, he feels he needs to help her. I do speak up She gets this hurt look on her face. I know a lot of the things I mentioned seem petty. But, it all adds up. I am waiting for the can boyfriend come over and can I cook him dinner routine. Been there already with the last boyfriend. Next thing I knew she was having him for dinner without checking with me first. Ok end of rant and rave. Thanks for listening.
Not petty.
It's YOUR life, YOUR space. I totally get where you're coming from. I'm so sorry. I have three stepdaughters that live w us and I flipping hate it. I never feel like I can just live my life the way I want to....,I'll pray for us.