HELP!!!!
My husband's ex-wife is a manipulative B****. He has two children with her and I adore both of them. We have been together for 4 years, and married for a few weeks. I knew she was mine for life, once we were married, but I'm sick of her negativity and constant crap. For starters, she has said hello to me one time in four years (probably a blessing in disguise). I could go on forever with stories about her, but 2 past stories and a current event are weighing heavily on my mind. While we were dating, as they we in the divorce process, she had her lawyer send me a court document (a year after the statute had run out), naming me as an adultress, and giving me 30 days to refute the claim...It was invalid, sent to me on Valentine's Day and completely untrue, but it caused problems between me and husband (it was obviously sent to elicit that reaction, one that I was not allowed to show, cause then she would win)
After we became engaged, she created a guestbook on a popular wedding website and had 50 year old women and family members, post that my husband was a serial cheater, and had probably already cheated on me. Claiming he was a terrible father, and that we both deserved what we had coming to us...Let me state that this women is highly educated, refuses to work, and extorted my husband in the divorce. He is the best father I have ever seen. Despite working 70 hour weeks, he calls his kids every night, goes to every sporting event he can make, and he and I cater to their every whim when they are with us...
Our wedding caused the most recent issue...She was so wound up about our wedding night (she actually thought we would leave 12 year olds in a hotel not near their family and friends (she has convinced herself that he and I are desperate sex fiends with no sense of morality (she's nuts, but must believe I am an awful whore, because the truth would shatter her existence). I may not be objective, but I am a kind, loving, college educated woman who went to culinary school, have an excellent driving record, and a lot of very close friends and family...She befriended my sister-in-law who she never liked, to make sure we didn't leave the kids alone and to pump her for information. I had the kids placed in the room next to their room, which they slept in for a grand total of 7 hours before they got on a plane to come home. Upon arrival, she scolded them about their homework and said she needed to feed them, "since their Dad only knew how to feed the pizza." Let's not forget that I went to culinary school and spend every other weekend making whatever they request. Occasionally, cause I actually work full time and don't feel like cooking, we order takeout, sometimes pizza...OH NO!!!! Not pizza...lol!
She plans the kids activity schedule to be with them as much as possible, even when its our weekend. Then she tells my husband he can say no, but he must tell the children they can't do whatever she has planned.
We are in a no win situation. I love my husband and my stepchildren very much, but the drama she brings to our families is driving me nuts...Reading all of your stories have helped already, but please tell me their is a way to get her to back off????
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I feel so much empathy for
I feel so much empathy for you & your situation!!! Most definitely because your story is also my story & a lot of other women's too!!! Sad but true. I also met my DH while he was still going thru the murky waters of a divorce from BM. She was beyond nasty to me & put alot of shit in my 3 SSs heads. She still does. It sucks!! I'm so sorry you are going thru this!!
The only way I've found to cope Is to get your DH to understand what's going on & make him put her on "standby" as I call it. Your DH needs to work with you to keep BM at bay per se. We had to do this, but you cannot succeed unless DH backs you up 100% with both BM & the skids. That IS the major key to all of it!!! Some things we did:DH stopped answering her millions of phone calls. He told her, if she calls he will let it go to voicemail 100% of the time from now on. If its a True emergency, leave a Detailed voicemail about what's going on. He will call them right back. If its something that's non emergent ( which with us is always the case) then he will Email her back a response!!!! Period!!!! Pretty much we went email correspondence only & it WORKED!!! He calls his kids every night at 8 pm. We told her we would No Longer accept phone calls which she's listening to or have them on speaker phone!! Period!! Per the court order, DH is to have access to his kids via phone Without interruption or interaction by the other parent!! Drop offs or pick ups- we no longer allowed her to use this time to bitch at DH or hand him bills for med pmts or extra curriculars. She Must mail then. We will mail back our portion within 30 days receipt of the actual documents and/or receipts-as she used to want us to take Her word for what DH owed. She hated that one!! We only pay our half if she produces documents. ESP since DH pays their insurance. There's NO chit chatting, just normal pleasantries during drop offs pickups or sporting/social events for the kids & we will Not sit together! Period!
We are very careful about what we talk about when the skids are here. It's to cut down in the drama with BM. BM wants to be able to be "friends" with us. Heck no!!! She's bluntly Not the type if person we'd be friends with!!! She's nasty as Hell to me & to DH. She's very bitter & disrespectful. She's mad that DH was able to move on with his life & find happiness again. She's tried Everything to split us up!! Ha!! Didn't work darling!! She even buys SS11 gifts while he's here with us. Why? So SS11 makes my life hell!!! Finally my inlaws saw it for themselves as she dropped the kids over to DHs parents house for thanksgiving for us. (We live a state away). BM was TELLING ss11 to BE clingy to DH. & that I would not like it- so she actually told him & my mil heard it-- to make things "hard" for me!!!!! & she will send him to a special camp he wants to go to- as his " reward". Grrrr. The other 2 SSS refuse to play these games to me- thank God!!!!
I hope your DH will put her on "standby" too or this will be continued hell for you!! Hang in there & vent here!!! We are hear to listen!!
Well said Stepmomto3bioto1!
Well said Stepmomto3bioto1! We have to do the same thing. Ignore as much as you can and email only if possible. My bm is narcissistic, very manipulative and controlling and will do anything to keep me out of the picture. Were currently in middle of custody fight she started the day i married dh. She makes everybody think shes the sweet nice mother of the year and actually believes the bullshit she makes up in her emails. Been in court for 18 months now with no end in sight. Remember living well is the best revenge! I feel your pain.