I have 2 kids, boy 24, girl 28, my H has 4 kids, boys 19, 25, & 31, girl 28. I have a loving, close relationship with my 2 kids and 3 of his 4. We have been married 19 yrs. and 4 years ago after 4 years in the Army out of state and 2 in college out of state his oldest moved back home just until "he found a job and got back on his feet". That was 4 years ago and now he's 31 and shows no signs of leaving any time soon. He nets about $3500-$4000 per mo and pays us $300 of it monthly, he also uses our utilities, food, laundry products and more toilet paper than any man I've ever known. He has issues, his mother left him with his father at age 3 mo. and had a substance abuse problem which rendered her terminally ill and finally killed her one week before Mother's Day when he was just 13. I felt so helpless because he only wanted his dad and I felt so sorry for him I couldn't keep from crying myself half the time, I really do love him. I didn't want to step on his toes because we had just married, so I left all the discipline to his father and only tattled when he was doing something that could hurt him in some way and always treated him with respect and love just like the rest of our kids. He has a huge "you're not my mom" chip on his shoulder, he's angry, grouchy, creepy, mean, sneaky, and basically gives me the willies. When his father is away overnight I sleep with my bedroom door locked and a loaded gun on the nightstand because he seems very unstable and I am scared of him. My husband knows this, sees it for himself, admits it to me, but won't do anything to help solve the problem. He won't say anything to his son that might make him sad, mad or hurt because he blames himself for not being a good enough father. Always believes every word he says. While dad's at work he'll have a conversation with me only if he has something to tell me about how he let some guy at work have it, or about the guy on the highway that he flipped off, what he was welding at work, including little diagrams and pictures and I listen intently every time with a smile on my face because I don't want to be all pissy on the day he finally decides to treat me like a human being. He has one chore, take the garbage out. Kitchen, bathroom, laundry room. He does the kitchen one only, I do the other 2 and his dad, who is almost 60, works 70 hrs. a week and has inoperable liver cancer takes it to the curb. He has never shown me any respect, if he has a problem with me or otherwise, it's handled behind a closed door with his dad only and I never hear a word about the progress, outcome, etc. Left completely in the dark about his life, but he does let me clean the bathroom he uses, the dishes he eats off of, and he has no problem eating the food that we buy and I cook (with enough leftovers for him to take in his lunch). We have disagreed often over the years and every time I bring it to his father's attn. he lies, going so far as to look at me like I'm crazy and say to his dad "I have no clue what she's talking about dad, sorry, I didn't do/say that, and has a time or 2 turned to me and said 'Shut up K, you don't even know what you're saying" and then look sheepishly at his father as if begging him to make me stop abusing him. And then acts like it never happened so all dad sees is me 50 shades of pissed and him just fine and dandy, not his problem. It makes me want to puke, but not as bad as when I ask my husband what he's going to do about it and he says "I asked him if he did/said it and he said NO, what am I supposed to do?" UMMMM believe your wife, the other parent, 1/2 of the supposed parental team. haha I have bipolar disorder and when medicated do pretty well, except for the SS, he knows exactly which buttons to push, finds every trigger I have, and quietly, so all dad sees is me crying and upset and still H has NEVER one time believed me over him, or supported me in any way. After a blowout like this I end up in the bedroom crying and I hear him engaging his father in jovial conversation and laughter at a higher volume than usual, in the living room where he rarely sits down with us and I KNOW he wants me to hear that he and dad are doing just ducky while i'm crying my eyes out, and dad goes right along. He says that now he believes that SS was causing problems and in the same breath makes 100+ excuses for him and has never apologized to me for the hurt that this caused me all these years. I don't think I should be forced to live with a disrespectful, scary, sneaky 31 year old who makes, not only enough to support himself, but enough to buy a home, we never could, we had 6 kids and couldn't afford it. And then complains to my daughter, the only other of all his siblings who has a relationship with him, the other kids see him also for what he is and don't really like spending time with him either, that he hates living here, it's embarrassing, can't walk in the kitchen to get a drink without somebody looking at him, or talking to him. I was just preparing to tell my H that I couldn't do it any more, I loved him and didn't want to leave but I couldn't live with that kid for one more minute and he came home from his Dr. appt. with the news that he needs radiation and a liver transplant or he won't live a year. What a jerk I would be if I left now. And SS is a sympathy addict, nobody can feel sorry for him enough to please him, it's always poor me and now he's milking it for all it's worth...So......any advice? Please? I'll listen.