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what do you guys think - flipping the script

kaffonseca's picture

I posted this as a reply to another blog..and thought what a good idea it is.

BM's newest manipulative way to get FH away from me is calling at the last minute to take SS to daycare in the morning (she knows by 730 am but she calls FH at 845 - when she knows I'm not around)..to tell him SS needs a ride to daycare. OR making pickup/dropoff arrangements at different times (usually when I'm working).

SOO...instead of letting it show that she gets to me..I flipped the script! I just sent "Dear"...cough..cough..FH a text message saying "hey..since you get SS today and you work late why don't I pick him up from daycare so that him and his brother (SS taht lives with us) can play? OR have her drop him off so they can have time to play since you get out of work so late. SS2 and SS5 never get to play alot because you get home so late from work that SS5 is sleeping..BM shouldn't have a problem with it since she doesn't have a problem with me".....BM is ALWAYS trying to get FH to drop SS5 off at her house too saying the brothers can play...(SS5 is not her son)...so I'm just flipping the script.

I know the answer will be no..BUT it makes me look good and she will look like a b**tch when she says no.

what do you guys think??

It will really kind of suck if it backfired on me..but than again maybe not..maybe the drama will start to end.

Comments

smnikki's picture

that when i read your posts, i think run run run you crazy lady why are you dealing with all of this crap! But why is it that even though our fh's behave differently, its still the same crap and i cant just leave. ugh, i hate that its so easy to see what some one else should do, yet we all stay in these crappy situations...ugh im going nuts!

kaffonseca's picture

SHE will- and so she will be the one that looks bad..

"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"

kaffonseca's picture

LOL! You made me laugh, thank you..I need to laugh..I guess because in reality FH IS a good guy..I try to give him credit on here..but this is a place to vent..so that is what I do..I don't blog about all the time he brings me roses..or does stand up to BM..etc..the problems are really personal between BM and I..and FH is in the middle. I take alot of the blame for being insecure..(but what FH did doesn't help). EVERYONE tells me that he loves me and is faithful to me..his friends..his coworkers..even his boss..he did screw up with those texts..but we chose to start over fresh..me with not arguing..so I have to give it a shot and my old way wasn't working so I'm trying a new way.
I'm in no means desperate..I don't HAVE to stay with him..if it came down to itI'd live in a shelter with my BD before I stayed with him if he screws up again..but I LOVE him so I'm giving it this one shot
"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"

kaffonseca's picture

or it could be being the bigger person...
I think SS2 is adorable and it's true that him and his brother don't have alot of time to play.

BM has asked me to babysit before for the 2 yr old when she had to move..I couldn't because I was working, so she can't say she has an issue with me watching her son. She has told me before she actually trusts me with her son when he was sick more than my own FH becuase she was afraid FH would forget to give him his med..

I'm just giving her back what she dishes out.

"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"

kaffonseca's picture

I'm not sure what you were getting at.

BM has no problems with me being competent (read my previous response)..if she says no it's because she is just being a b**tch and it's personal..

"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"

4ofus's picture

she is saying, if I'm not mistaken, that BM can't really say no if its FH's time with the child. She doesn't have a say in who picks up\drops off unless it specifically states something in the CO. ... Could be off, but thats what I was reading..

kaffonseca's picture

is FH and BM do NOT have a court order, just a verbal agreement that FH picks up SS after he gets out of work on Wed. night and he sleeps over..but FH doesn't get out of work til' 830-9 at night sometimes.

"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"

smnikki's picture

im at the same point, but now already we are in another fight. i asked him if he would be willing to do things different with ss because i feel that we are reinforcing his bad behavior. if it is our night and ss acts up, we take him home and do not allow him to be a baby and sit in his mothers lap, he is there to play tball and if hes not playing we dont need to be there. if its her night, fh and i will leave. I said ss now knows that if he throws a fit and clings to bm, fh will come to her side to get ss to cooperate. Fh refuses to see this, he thinks ss is un aware and he is just shy.

fh is amazing, he buys me flowers every month on our anniversary. every day tells me i am his number one priority, that he loves me more than anyone in this world. I am the most beautiful thing/person. he would never cheat, and has never done any thing shady, he has not seen his mother since easter because of what she has done to me, every day we wake up and i genenly feel he wants me to be happy...

read the responses to the blog of mine that you responded to though. that one member is married and is still having the same issues. they NEVER go away.

i too am giving fh this last shot, BUT i know that in the end i am not the kind of person who sits back while some one manipulates people in my life. no matter how much you and i try, we are the people we are. i want so bad for both of us to have our happy ever after with these amazing men. unfortunately, they have made the choices they have to live with for the rest of their life, and in my case, i wonder at what point do i decide that his mistakes/choices are not my fault or his they just are and will always be, why do i have to carry the burden of them?

kaffonseca's picture

Thanks..I don't think I got it across really good..yes it was a "game" in a sense..but to me it was more proving a point..if BM wants to play games and attack me personally?? I needed a way to prove the point to FH and I did...

"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"

stuknaz's picture

You wrote "she will look like a b**tch when she says no'

Ok if she does say NO and looks like a bitch....Then what?? I mean I think he already knows she is a bitch, but what is your plan after this? I mean what is the point??

"And this too shall pass..."

kaffonseca's picture

He does not care for her..BUT he also does not see the things she does to me personally because he is not around...she plays this "I don't have any problems with Kaff" crap..and than she tries to be manipulative when I'm not around...SO the point is..if she has no issues and thinks that the boys should play together (she always tries to get FH to bring SS5 to her house to play)..than WHY can't HER son come to OUR house??

It will show him that SHE is the one that DOES have the issues...

She told FH "I'm not going over there, you can get him when you get out of work"..now don't forget she drives by "over there" about 3 times a day now...so I simply told FH "this is my point...she DOES have an issue with ME. She has asked if I could babysit SS a long time ago (before our drama) when she needed a babysitter..she calls you at the drop of a dime to get SS when it's convenient for HER..but what about when it's convenient for YOU????

OH- I forgot to add..FH told her that he would just get him from daycare today than..what is the point of getting him long enough to sleep at our house than go to daycare in the am?

"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"

stuknaz's picture

Four questions:

how long were they together? how long have you two been together? And how old is he? And how old is she?

"And this too shall pass..."

kaffonseca's picture

I'm embarassed to give those answers because I feel like an idiot..but no matter how "old" we are we can't not feel certain ways. I'm 35 - he is 28 - she JUST turned 21..yes..I know..everyone tells me that I'm dealing with a 21yr old..but that does not change that they do have a child together..I told FH that I'm very dissappointed that he dated someone so young and alot of respect went out the window..he left her because she argued ALOT about EVERYTHING - him and I only argue about her..and she ACTED like a 21 yr old..

"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"

stuknaz's picture

Don't be embarrassed I kinda had a feeling but I just needed verification.
You have two juveniles you are dealing with! he is 28 years old but that is only on paper you know men mature alot slower then women. You are the MATURE person in this triangle of sorts so to speak! You know how you were when you were 21 years old. I'm not saying 35 years old is old becaue it is not! hell I'm 44 years old but look like I'm 30! Anyway...you have been around longer than THEY have and you need to put your thinking cap on and figure out a way to rebuild you and Future DH's relationship(if that's what you want) and at the same time beat BM at her own game. It's apparent she wants this man back and is using the kid (appts etc)to get him.
You are smarter than the both of them. Stop stressing and start thinking!

"And this too shall pass..."

kaffonseca's picture

She said "KAff..you would've pulled same stuff when you were 21"

"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"

stuknaz's picture

"And this too shall pass..."