I am the only one who thinks SS5's behavior is disturbing...
Ok, I have been around a lot lately, but a lot has built up and I need to let it go.
DH and I had a conversation last night that I found deeply disturbing. I have mentioned before about SS5's behaviors, his violent out bursts, using affection to manipulate others, etc. Well, last night DH starts telling me a story and I was just like, wow, because he was talking like this whole story had a good outcome. I have also had this story related to me by his daycare director.
So, SS5 started going to his current daycare in May 2012. Emotionally he had been through a lot, he had lost his great-grandfather and his parents had split up, and then he started going to daycare while daddy was at work. So those are contributing factors to consider.
per the daycare director, SS5 (then 4) was so violent and hateful to everyone that she seriously considered not letting him come back. She told me that in 15 years of child care she had never had a child behave the way SS5 did, hitting, kicking, spitting on people, scratching and biting until he drew blood, name calling, fit throwing, etc, daily. Well, on the day that she decided that she could not in good conscience submit the other children to SS5's behavior any longer she pulled him aside and told him that his daddy would be coming to pick him up because of how he had behaved. Well, SS5 was thrilled at this news. He was so happy he stopped his behaviors and was pleasant while waiting on daddy. So Ms Director didn't call daddy and SS5 was good all day. When DH got there to pick him up SS5 scolded his daddy for not coming to pick him up early like Ms Director had said he would, and that is when she explained the situation to DH and told SS5, "See, you do know how to be good"
DH told me this story like he was bragging on how good SS5 can be, but I was disturbed. Could this child really have been hurting kids to get his way so he could go home like he wanted to? I have watched him hurt people to get his way before. It was the imediate switch from crazy kid to perfectly happy little boy once Ms Director said he was going home that gets me. One minute he is attacking other children (and believe me, it was attacking them) and the next he is playing nicely because he has gotten what he wanted.
I just needed to talk about it I guess because there is nothing I can do to help him. DH, DH's family, my family, and Lazy McCrazy BM all believe he is just the sweetest little boy ever, and that any violent behaviors must have been perfectly justified somehow. It is so frustrating. It isn't that I don't care about SS5, but I don't believe I can do anything fo rhim (AS stepmom, I really can't as far as I know) and I don't want to put forth a ton of effort, get attached, only to have him blow up in my face later (which is what I see happening, if his current path is not changed) I would rather remain disengaged, even with my heart breaking for him, than get involved only to be shot down and mistreated by him and the rest of the family. Sad isn't it?
Sounds to me like this kid
Sounds to me like this kid has them all snowed. He CAN behave himself when he thinks he's getting exactly what he wants. He's proven it to them all. Ms. Director of the daycare gets it and she deals with kids all day every day.
So, yes, it seems perfectly clear to me that the only people falling for this brat's antics are his parents. They need to step up, open their eyes and start giving this kid some consequences for his bad behavior and actions.
Just my 2 cents, for whatever it's worth!
~Mel
My Dh does that too. The
My Dh does that too. The mental acrobatics that he performs to spin a skid story into something positive. It's quite amazing actually.
Instead of beingg "happy" that his kid knows how to behave (did anyone ever really think he was just confused on appropriate behavior??), he needs to be digging into why he choses not to so consistantly. My Dh will find the one tiny iota of a quasi positive in a "sd9 behaving like an animal" story and focus on it so intently that you'd think she just figured out the secret to world peace.
Exactly, y'all. Instead of
Exactly, y'all.
Instead of saying "OMG, look at the extent my child is willing to go to get his way. What shall I do to be a better parent and get him over this" which is really the whole point of Ms. Director's side of the story, he latches on to the "Oh look, sure he maimed who knows how many kids, but he actually knew how to behave himself after all so its all good." It is infuriating.
I do what I can, and I can honestly say I have seen improvememnt, both in SS5 and in DH, but the dear child is caught between two parents who are more concerned with making him love them more than the other parent to worry about what is right for SS5. Lazy McCrazy declares that there is no way a five year old knows how to be so manipulative, then tells SS5 goodness knows what and has no rules at her house because she "loves im and wants him to be happy, not like Auberry and daddy" and DH is constantly after SS5 to tell him how much more he loves daddy than anyone else, and how much more he likes being with daddy, and how much did he miss daddy, and so on, constant negative attitude about BM, obviously displeased if SS5 is happy about a trip to BM's house.
It is sick, really.
Dear Lord I feel for you!
Dear Lord I feel for you! yes, the kid is a holy terror, but wow, these parents are to blame for it, and unfortunately, there you are right there in the middle of the mess.
Wish I had some great words of wisdom for you. Something that you could take to DH and say "see here!" and he'd run with it and all would be well in your world. Sadly, I do not. I can only say, live your life for you. If you aren't happy and he's not willing to make you happy, you can always go find happiness elsewhere, right? Not saying to leave your husband, just saying, stay true to yourself.
Good luck girl. ~Mel