I wouldn't, but that's me. But I'd be super tempted.

It would cost me at least $3k for the court case, so I'd lose regardless.

Did he get a say in whether DD plays softball, or did you just tell him it was that much? Having been on the side of BM signing the boys up for stuff then telling DH it would cost $X, I could see it being annoying.

However, if you know how much he SHOULD be paying and he's scoffing at paying anything above CS, then I say make sure he is paying the full amount of CS that he should. You don't get to have it both ways; you don't get lower CS AND get out of helping to pay for extras. If it's too expensive, then you shouldn't have had more children.

Seriously, I don't like that $1,000 leaves my house every month, but it's DH's responsibility to pay it. I don't like all the extras that he pays for (that he shouldn't have to, but I digress), but it's his responsibility. If we have a child together, I know full well that his obligations to the boys won't decrease. Sure, they may get more clearance items or less expensive stuff, but I would never expect DH to pay less of his obligation. I would expect one or both of us to get another job if needed.

So, if he doesn't want to help above CS, then make him pay the full amount as soon as you're allowed to modify. Having another kid shouldn't mean less for your kids; it should mean he has to work harder or plan smarter so all his kids have the lifestyle he wants them to have.

Don’t do it just to be spiteful because of our DH’s ex being psycho.... That being said, if money is SUPER tight I might consider it for thegood of the kids. If it’s not, then you allowed CS to lower.... You can’t count on others for finances... DH’s ex funds ZERO percent of things for the girls (actually I do most of the funding as the third party. Lol) and money is tight, but we doubt we’d get it anyways, and we don’t want her to have that hold over the girls (abusive and on drugs, we minimize contact for their good... Not that she has interest anyways). We want them to be happy, and being happy doesn’t involve the ex’s money all the time.

I agree your ex should be helping support the kids, but weigh any possible court costs, or anything else before you give it a try. Good luck!

So you did something decent accepting less CS hoping that it would give you more leeway and bon homie with the ex and partner... I wish life in stepland went that way. I wouldn't have done that personally (agree with Peanut) as i'm now very cynical after almost 10 years of steps and crazy BM. If your ex cannot be more accomodating and seeing that he knew he would be getting a raise then I think I might consider taking him back to court if I were in your shoes.

To me it depends on how much he's paying already honestly. I was a dumb ass- I never asked to modify- the CS was $500 for two sons- we upped it to $600 when my son started private school but when he stopped ex continued paying $600- Never paid his half of unpaid medical (I cover insurance), braces, summer camp, any sports.

I got the impression that op asked for a little extra help on softball because she did ex a favor on the cs.

I do not agree in not think that a parent lwho has full legal custody should not get any supg by vport. What you should get the privledge of doing all the hard work of raising a kid and pay for it as well. That seems fair...not.

Not every parent male or female wants or is capable of having 50/50 custody.

At one time my child's portion of health insurance was 300.00. Then there was before and after school daycare for like 450, and in the summer it was 725 a month. What I get from my ex doesn't come near half that.

I think I would just point out to ex that you cut him a pretty good deal and if he wants you can have the stat do a review or you can come to a formal agreement and have it notorized.

I would have a conversation with him and show him the numbers. Tell him that you are accepting of the child support, as it, but at times may ask for his assistance with extras. Maybe even agree to a yearly cap on extras. If he's not agreeable to that, then go back and have the child support amount corrected.

As a note, I do think you should be required to pay a portion of the summer camp (if it's like daycare), just as he should be required to pay a portion of any daycare during your time.

Was there another blog of ops that I am missing?

Since he is playing games, I say go back to court. Accept the amount that is ordered, do not ask for extras and request a review every 3 years(or however often your state allows).

Your ex should learn a lesson from this. Play silly games,win silly prizes.

I would ask for an adjustment. You tried to be thoughtful and nice. He isn't giving you the same courtesy. Let a court decide what is fair

The more I think about this, I've changed my mind. He took a cut in child support KNOWING that he was about to get a significant increase in income. Screw him, go for the increase.

But, I still think you should pay your portion of summer childcare.

I think steprightoff has a good point - your ex and his wife deserve to know with some certainty what they're going to have to give you each month so they can plan their own household expenditures accordingly. I think it was nice of you to settle for less than what you might have been entitled, but it probably makes sense to just get the statutory amount (per the state calculator) and let your ex have a definite number, rather than thinking he has a particular obligation and then having to pony up for "extras." (Even though he'd make out better with the status quo). That said, I'd go back for a modification if possible. It wasn't very straightforward of your ex to go for a reduction just before he was getting a pay raise, so I wouldn't waste any time making sure that you are getting the appropriate amount to which you're entitled taking that raise into consideration. Once you're receiving that amount, I wouldn't ask for extras.

There is much less to argue about if you just do everything by the book and be upfront about it. Get the cs that is owed to you in full. Do not ask for extras.

Just tell the ex that you tried to be accommodating but that you found that your budget really didn’t stretch to the reduced amount as you thought it would and that you would rather go by the state calculator than have to ask him for extras and that way you both have predictability too.

I also agree with the poster above that if you wanted extras to be covered occasionally you should have explicitly agreed that with the ex when you took the cut in child support.

Absolutely file for an amendment of CS .... if you can. Often once there is a new CS order it cannot be reviewed for ~2yrs unless there is a notable change of circumtances. His promotion and raise may qualify as qualifying change of circumstance.... so file.

My opinion is that a CP's responsibility is to protect and advance the best interests of the kid(s) and that includes procuring an equity share of the NCP's resources for the benefit of the kid(s).

So, go protect your child's best interests... particularly from someone who is trying to rip your kid off. Screw keeping peace with the X and his wife. Not your problem. Hold them to the CO and go for increases on a regular basis as events unfold.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

"So anyway the date comes, I agree to let him count summer camp (which he shouldn't get to count by our county standards since I have sole physical- we aren't joint physical). Then I agree to letting it lower a little more for a reduction of about $100. TOTALLY VOLUNTARY trying to keep peace with him and his wife."

This part is confusing. If he "shouldn't get to" count summer camp costs, I'm guessing it is because he doesn't have to help pay them. So you aren't really being awesome ex by "letting" him count money he doesn't have to pay. He's being awesome for paying it. You agree to let it lower a little more than what? The reduction he was already owed due to the new CS calculation? Was CS being lowered anyhow, and you just rounded out the figure? And what "peace" were you trying to keep? I thought everyone got along. :?

As the receiving SM on many of these convos which I have with BM2 I appreciate her coming to me with stuff like that. If we have it I'm glad to help-I paid her out all at once for November so she could do Black Friday shopping because we had it (we do weekly installments normally) and SO paid me back. But at the same time, leave it open for her to bow out. Sometimes I don't want to be in the middle-like when BM2 calls with an $1800 overdue after school care bill that she should have been paying all along with at least SOME of the CS she was getting. She called and wanted SO go front 1800 immediately. That stuff pisses me off, but if there is really something reasonable SD needs and we have the extra cash I am more than happy to help make it happen or talk to SO about it. Because 90% of the time they just fight about it.

What is he paying per month now?

There's no reason to play doormat to him. I was nice to exH regarding CS and it did me no favors. If he refuses to pay for softball then I would have it adjusted. There should be give and take not just taking on his part.

And do you work?

Every time I read about some one who wants more money so that their child can go to private school, have private golf lessons or what ever I get angry....

You divorced this man, you are not entitled to anything after divorce, CS is there for living cost, not for private anything, you agreed to reduce it, WHY?? It's his children as well and he should be paying for their academic education, health and living.... nothing else IMHO

Your current SO has no say in the matter unless he pays for your children's basic living conditions, if not, he can keep his mouth shut.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but I'm a BM as well, and I never expected my son's father to spoil him, there's nothing wrong with telling a kid, sorry kiddo I can't afford this or that, mine grew up normal, nothing wrong with the lazy bugger and he knows money does not grow on treas, he never blamed me cause he did not have brand cloths, posh smart phone, playstations, xboxes, nope today as an adult he tells me, Thank you mum, you taught me valuable life lessons and I had allot of love not materialistic things... I look at my friends and they are all spoiled little brats, they will never be able to live the way I'm living...

I "get" it. You are feeling betrayed. Like you got taken and played the fool. Not a good feeling and first thought is 'how dare you, I'll get you back'.

However, you did this to yourself. From what I gathered from your blogs, there are perhaps two new children for your ex with SM? One pretty quickly when they first got together and (it sounds like) one maybe recently? Even though SM and you have become friends, you made the mistake that she would somehow always put your children before her own.

You voluntarily reduced your CS. You voluntarily accepted summer camp while at Dad's would be credited in calculations. But why on earth did you then assume a man begging for a monthly reduction would turn around and suddenly start helping pay for extras he'd not been paying for before? Wanting more monthly cash in their household budget was the point of him requesting the monthly CS reduction in the first place.

Most parents work out the support and what over support will be split along with agreements on extra curricular activities when they divorce and the CO/PP is drawn up. Golf is not a need. It's a childhood experience that many children never get to participate in because their parents can't afford it. It's not a birthright. Daycare, winter coats, food, medical care splits, all those mundane requirements aka needs take priority. All the rest is extra.

When you asked for a coat for one kid and paid for a coat for the other kid, your ex came through and shared the expense. But when you asked, right after Christmas with a kid birthday approaching for a sport fee? Well, Dad just had Christmas too and he's got an approaching birthday for a kid too. You've got two kids, he has at least three if not four kids. You voluntarily handed the man a CS reduction AND have nothing in a CO about splitting extra curricular activities.

You kind cooked your own goose on this. Sure, you can now run back as soon as timeframe allows another CS review and ask for an increase or try to fight the current reduction you voluntarily agreed to saying it was under false pretentions. It'd be about $170 or so, right? After you get back the $100 you voluntarily gave up and a new $170 (his rank increase) for a total of $270.

Only you can decide what your next move is going to be. Just keep in mind that your kids have an involved father, you have little conflict going on between households and no one made you give him a reduction in the first place... so is $170 a month worth rocking the boat to get private golf lessons? To have resentment build between households? To have Dad perhaps decide he can't afford to send your kids to camp this summer and decides instead to let your kids sit around bored all summer for six weeks?

You'll not see me write poorly of a CP who fights for what is legally their children's right in the way of being supported by both parents. I fully believe both parents need to support their children and I fully believe a NCP should be paying the standard guideline/law amount along with any other mutually agreed/ordered spilt amounts ... but then I find myself shaking my head as to why you voluntarily gave up what your children were getting.

I'd take him back to let the courts decide. And moving forward never do him anymore favors.

I'd take him back to let the courts decide. And moving forward never do him anymore favors.

I would also take him back and simply request fair CS going forward. I also would not ask him to pay anything else once CS is adjusted.

You would be within your rights to request an increase in CS due to an increase in his salary.

You can't overspend on extra curriculars and try to make him pay half of what you overspent. Support is to cover the basics, not to cover the extras. Just because you want them, doesn't mean dad has to pay for them. It's up to you to manage the funds you have. If you can't afford it, don't spend it.

I think you fell into a trap that many women fall into. You want to be liked. You wanted your EX and his new wife to "like" you because you feel it would make your life easier. And.. to a certain extent, that is true, but I imagine there is already a resentment in that household for the money that goes to you for his children by you.

Another poster asked whether he was "in" on the agreement that you would take less CS if he would pay for the occasional extra item. While I am not generally in favor of the BM going back to the well when they are already getting CS and asking for extra luxuries (extra curricular things), it seems in this case, you thought asking for less in CS would mean he would kick in for the occasional additional item. So, was he in on the agreement or was this just your logic in agreeing to less?

I might take another look at the formulation and then approach him with the choice of continuing as you are now with very occasional extras... or whether he is up for an additional X amount of CS obligation every month. Right now, you have put yourself in a position of weakness of having to basically ASK him for money that in reality, if you had the correct amount of CS would already be in your hands.

I might do it this way... get an order for the correct amount of CS and then tell him if he is ever "tight" he can ASK YOU if you will accept a lower amount for a month.

"Over the summer my ex took me back to court to try and reduce CS because he has another kid. It hadn't been modified in a couple of years, I was no longer paying daycare but he had a substantial pay raise... so whatever. When I looked at it through the state calculator the worst case I could find was a lowered amount of $40/ month and best case was it went up $70. So anyway the date comes, I agree to let him count summer camp (which he shouldn't get to count by our county standards since I have sole physical- we aren't joint physical). Then I agree to letting it lower a little more for a reduction of about $100. TOTALLY VOLUNTARY trying to keep peace with him and his wife."

Ok, so the formula you used said could be $40 less possibly-you let him count summer camp -how generous-you have full physical...but wait you said he has her 6 weeks of summer. I'm sorry but then YES, IMO that amount for summer camp he pays SHOULD be included as his contribution. Summer camp is expensive- I paid it all, my ex never paid extra- since it was included in "CS"- IMO, if HE is the one paying for summer camp because he has them in the summer, he SHOULD get to include that in the support calculation. Anything less would just be you being a greedy BM, sorry.

"About 3 months later I found out he got another rank up in the military- which comes along with hefty pay increases in pay and housing. I didn't take him back for a modification. I was pretty pissed he went in trying for a reduction when he knew he was about to make even more money, but whatever. The way I saw it was if I ever needed them to do anything- like winter coats, new shoes, sports dues for the kids or whatever, as long as they did that, I was cool with it. Not every month making it a thing, but if I was ever tight."

Most modifications are done every 3 years. He's entitled to do w/his raises as he sees fit. It doesn't have to go to you. He had another child and the courts found he would have to pay less CS-a deduction of sorts. Nothing wrong w/that.

"So, I asked this month for them to cover SD's softball dues. $95- he came back stating he already contributed enough to my household. Now keep in mind I haven't asked for a thing since September when I asked them to grab 1 of the kids winter coats and I would grab the other. Since by the calculations now, I would get about $270 more a month if I took them back, should I? I have a pretty good relationship with SM and exH and I tolerate each other... things run pretty smoothly.. but this really pissed me off. I mean if I took them back I could have over $3000 more a year to do more with my kids. Better sports equipment for my daughter, private golf lessons for my son, I mean it is a lot of money. But is it worth the fight that my come of it?"

If he said that-I don't know what he pays but sounds like a decent amount-I find it curious you won't say how much that is. You agreed to that amount, live with it. Go for the mod, but don't be surprised if the courts turn you down since you had one recently.

What is this thing about skids having to do expensive sports all year? I coudlnt' afford it, my kids did some rec basketball for a few years and then that was it, I couldn't afford it, it stopped. Budget better. It seems to me your just offended he's helping support the new child he has w/current wife and somehow that extra raise should only go to you and yours. A new kid costs a LOT OF MONEY- your kids are supported already by both of you right? All in all you took a $100 reduction from what amount exactly? So, you allowed about $60 more then would technically qualify him because you 'allowed' him to include the summer camp he pays, did I get that right?