Christmas visit update #1

I figure a lot is going to go down over the next few days and as I am sitting here physically shaking- I know that I will feel better after I get this all out.

Quick back story for those that missed it/ don't know. SS16 is alienated BEYOND belief. BM left DH 8 yrs ago and moved SS 1300 miles away while DH was deployed and had no idea. By the time he new what was up it was too late and residency had been established and he couldn't get SS back to his state. DH and I have been in court at least 2x per year for the last 5 years. SS hasn't spent a single Holiday with his his dad in the last 7 years. BM just won't send him- to hell with a court order. She is the MoThEr! She was guilty of contempt in March of this year and threatened with financial consequences, Jail time and loss of custody if she was in contempt again. We currently have a hearing set (it was supposed to be last week) for early next year for 6 more counts of contempt.

SS is supposed to be with us this year. We purchased plane tickets in Sept. Last week she e-mails DH to say SS is in quarantine until Dec 23rd and won't be able to come out for Christmas. We found out that was a lie. He was in quarantine but it was up on the 12th.

DH backed down from the Writ of Assistance that he was going to try and get and instead was just going to have our lawyer write an email and CC the judge on the case stating that BM can't go pulling crap again at Christmas.

We found out today that SS is out of school "sick" this week. So now we are scrambling, trying to have it forced and the judge back us up that unless he has a positive Covid test- he gets on the plane. BM has already lied about his status- we already have that proof thanks to the Health Department and this is all a ploy to keep him away from his dad for 8 Christmases in a row.

I KNOW SS isn't getting on a plane unless DH shows up and physically gets him and puts him on the plane.

DH knows this as well but has decided against it- I support him which ever way he wants to play it.

My heart breaks for DH and I am so angry at BM that I can't even function.

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It's honestly disgusting that

It's honestly disgusting that a mom would rather her kid miss school being "sick" than go visit his dad

I'm glad your DH decided to

I'm glad your DH decided to not do the writ of assistance. None of this is worth your physical and mental health. Let it go - in less than 2 years, none of this will be part of your life anymore. Personally, I think it's time to just drop all court action and tell SS you love him and will see him when he's ready to come around.

I know you want her to be held in contempt, but this could go on forever. You thought this recent court date was the last, now it's moved to March. That hearing won't be the last either, for this issue. She will drag it out until SS is 18 and it's all over.

You are not wrong.

We do have to get Child Support fully settled if nothing else though. Even if we drop the rest of it. We are still working on a temp order from over 2 years ago because BM won't release her financials, but there was talk of potential back pay. She also thinks she is still "owed" alimony even though we have proof that DH over paid her.

If we just stop she will hit us right before he turns 18 wanting 4 years of back pay at some ridiculous amount.

Then drop contempt and settle

Then drop contempt and settle CS. Make her a reasonable offer that her attorney will urge her to take. She's going after money because DH is going after contempt and visitation.

I feel so terrible for you

I feel so terrible for you and your husband. This BM is absolutely terrible and disgusting. I do think your husband should just drop all of this and let SS come around which I think he will eventually once he is out of BMs alienating grasp. Your husband has to know he's done everything he can at this point to try to fix this issue but it's never going to happen until SS is at least 18 because BM has too much control over him right now.

This is a BM for the record

This is a BM for the record books alright. Unfortunately, I think the ongoing legal battles have probably given BM some extra stamina to keep up her high level PAS attack. Once CS is a "settled" matter... she may find less reason to keep up her war with her EX.... and perhaps his son will be more inclined to not see dad as the "enemy of his household".

I'm not saying that trying to get more time was wrong.. I just think it got to the point where it was no longer about the relationship.. and became nothing but a fight.

I agree, court fires up these

I agree, court fires up these crazy women. Plus, she wants to interfere in her ex-H's happy marriage and punish him, and she's succeeding. The only way to win with a person like this is to not play the game.

Ughhhh So sorry.

Sad to say I am not surprised.

Having a BM like this is awful. It never, ever ends.

I just got off the phone with

I just got off the phone with DH. Apparently she sent the health department something saying that we are not allowed any access to SS's records. The health department is also the "school nurse" in this POS po-dunk town. They told DH he has to contact the county attorney (who has a GMAIL e-mail account!!!!! This place doesn't even have a domain!). DH has joint custody- there is NOTHING signed by a judge restricting any access to medical or school information. Our CO specifically says that she had to provide DH all information. So I have no idea what she has sent in or done.

I just fired off another email to our lawyer. Cried and told DH that I am sorry that I can't fix this but I can't take it anymore. The only thing I have to say to either of them at this point is F-off. Dh just said "yep".

One of the reasons that my DH

One of the reasons that my DH dropped the rope was because his attorney suggested that he should. I appreciated the guy's ethics, even if he couldn't help against BM.

It's time to let go. You can't "win" against someone like BM.

My heart just breaks for all

My heart just breaks for all of you. But not for your BM. She is an evil, evil person, who is inflicting trauma on her own child.

I agree with figuring out how to bring this to an end, even if that means DH loses his son for a time, and even if that means BM thinks she "won." I hope your attorney can provide good guidance. As it stands, there is nothing but pain and sorrow here, and that's no way for you and DH to live.

I hope at some point SS gains some maturity and perspective to see that his father is a good man who didn't abaondon him, and they can build a relationship on their own terms and without evil BM's interference.

I hope so too but I doubt it.

This spoke to me and seemed fitting

to share with you and your DH.

https://fathersrightsmovement.us/losing-nemo/

I'm very sorry for this situation. Its mind numbing how many times BM has gotten away with so many contemptable actions and stayed so brazingly flippant with court orders.

Thank you for sharing that. I

Thank you for sharing that. I am going to send it to my husband.

Im so sorry

IM sorry you guys have to go through this. Its horrible how she is weaponizing her own child.

And just mucking around for the money.

So sorry. I just posted

So sorry. I just posted about our current situation. DH decidd to not go the court route and it's all the same in any case. I feel for you.

It is just so damn hard no

It is just so damn hard no matter what you do. There is never any real peace in whatever you decide to do.

I just can't imagine if I would have lost one of my kids the way DH has.

This woman is something else.

The court has shown again and again that they aren't truly going to interfere in BMs fuckery by way of any real consequence.

In your position, I would drop everything. Including the pending. It'll save you money if nothing else (they haven't made her pay in any way, shape or form, they're not going to suddenly start) and just tell SS that the door is always open when he's ready.

Take the time as a family to try to heal the wounds. Step back. Send SS a casual note on important dates just so he knows you're thinking of him and the door is still open. Outside of that there's not much you can do.

There was always going to be a scar with a horrific animal like BM involved but repeatedly picking at the scab disrupts any healing and virtually guarantees that scar will be deep.

My heart goes out to you guys. You deserve so much better and so much more than what this ordeal has handed you.

This whole situation is

This whole situation is horrible. I'm so sorry. It just shows how the family court system is beyond flawed giving so many men a bad name because of it. It's just so unjust and sad for all involved.

This may not be the best analogy but, people can find themselves in jail for sending a wrong text, a conversation at a bar, a glance, etc..Then there are these women get away with emotional abuse, manipulation, doing things flat out illegal per their custody agreements and nothing gets done to them... just thousands in lawyer fees and years of torture for the other party. Look at Manson.. the only thing making them (BMs) different is their "followers" aren't commiting murder.. Same idea of manipulation tactics though.

That is the most real analogy

That is the most real analogy ever. I had to read it to my husband and he completely agreed.

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Christmas visit update #1

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