How would you feel about this?

If your eleven year old SD wanted to have a party, with over 10 of her girlfriends, in your fairly new nicely decorated home?

I experience some anxiety at times, and just thinking about this is making me very anxious!

JustAgirl42's blog
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I experience anxiety anytime

I experience anxiety anytime there are 11 kids in my home.

How I would react would depend on the why and details of the party. A two hour birthday tea or craft party would get a different response than a twelve hour sleepover.

Well, she went to a sleepover on Friday night, so I know this is what got her thinking. But there were only five girls there including herself, and these people have a large re-done basement that they could all hang out in.

It wouldn't be for any special occasion, just a summer party. In fact, last night she was sitting in the kitchen making up a looong list of friends that she wants to invite, along with a looong list of food, snacks and drinks too. She had the top of the page titled 'Summer Party'.

FDH pissed me off by coming to me, with SD, and saying they had something to talk to me about. He didn't know I had seen said list and knew what was coming, and he was about to put me on the spot and make me look like the bad guy if I were to say no, or not say yes right away.

She's a pretty good kid, but

She's a pretty good kid, but she also gets most everything she wants and doesn't have any chores. I deal with a borderline Disney dad. He has 50/50 custody.

I'm sure she'd be willing to do chores in order to have her party, but afterwards, chores would go out the window.

If this were to happen, I'd probably have to go elsewhere and let FDH do everything. It's not that I'd have a problem helping, it's just that I would be on edge worrying about things getting ruined.

If your SD listens well along

If your SD listens well along with readily helps get everything prepared/cleans up afterwards? No problem, as long as you have the extra room for the event. If it means instead all those girls camped out in the main living room one bathroom and a never stream in and out of the kitchen? No way.

If this is a first for both you and SD, you might consider starting on a smaller group and see how it goes.

Getting things prepared?

Getting things prepared? Yes, because she'd be excited. Cleaning up afterwards? Maybe IF dad made sure of it, but that's a big IF.

Your second sentence is what worries me.

I agree about a MUCH smaller group.

Thanks!

ETA: Sorry, I meant to post this under twoviewpoints

No way I'd let 11 girls sleep

No way I'd let 11 girls sleep over. Maybe limit it to 5?

If it were a sleep-over, we

If it were a sleep-over, we would start with even fewer than that. She's never even had ONE friend sleep over yet.

What if it were just a party,

What if it were just a party, not a sleep over? Would you be comfortable having more than 10 potentially dirty, (you never know when they've last showered :O ), messy kids partying in your nice house?

I really don't want to be the bad guy, but at the same time, just thinking about it makes me so anxious. I'm afraid I'd be on edge the whole time.

I have a son and before I

I have a son and before I remarried and we moved, there were always a ton of kids in the house. And I keep an incredibly tidy and clean house. The kids knew the rules and were generally fine.

But if you ask my grandmother she'd say absolutely not. She had two boys and two girls and said the parties for my mom and my aunt were the worst. The girls were much more invasive and destructive than the boys!

Thanks for that. I've seen

Thanks for that.

I've seen her friends get pretty hyper and SD is very active.

I don't mind the work or the

I don't mind the work or the noise, it's the possibility of things getting ruined that we've put so much work into.

I'm about to say no just because I'm really pissed right now, though I know that wouldn't be completely fair. BUT, once again, the garage door wasn't put down before playing basketball, and that's supposed to be a rule. Seriously, how hard is that?? I don't want a dent in my car, and FDH's headlight was already smashed with a basketball. I just feel like there is no respect for my things!

My car already got dented and scratched because of bikes and stuff being taken out of the garage. FDH always thought I was being over the top with that until he got his new car...NOW of course he makes sure SD is really careful. :?

Tell Dad to do a cheap party

Tell Dad to do a cheap party in the backyard.

Dad can toss some hot dogs on the grill. They can munch on chips, cookies, watermelon and soda. Dad can play some music and set up a sprinkler. Limit it to three hours and only allow them inside to use the bathroom.

Quick, cheap, short, fun and no mess in the house.

I thought about that. I

I thought about that. I guess it's possible but our backyard is small and sloped. We would then have wet girls traipsing in and out of the house with grassy, muddy shoes all over the carpets. I would feel weird telling them to take them off and on all the time. I may just have to leave and hope I don't come home to my hard earned things being ruined.

I think it's hard to do things like this when they aren't your own kids and you're not in a disciplinary role where you might have some control over how things work. If you've raised your own child, you probably get to the point of realizing and accepting that your home won't always be exactly the way you want it to be.

But a slip and slide would be

But a slip and slide would be great on a slope!

BAAhahaha! Yes it would, but

BAAhahaha! Yes it would, but it would also be hilarious because the slope turns into a cliff and then all the kids would die. }:) :O

I'm kidding about that being

I'm kidding about that being funny, just in case it wasn't clear.

(No subject)

}:)

If my kids have several

If my kids have several friends over for a party I have them choose one person to spend the night.

That's a good idea.

Although, do the other kids know that they haven't been chosen to stay?

I guess they do but it's my

I guess they do but it's my house, and I can only handle one guest.

All they drink is red, blue

All they drink is red, blue and purple gatorade. :?

You just eliminated all of

You just eliminated all of the good, preteen party foods. :?

LOL, bread and water pretty

LOL, bread and water pretty much eliminates everything else. But it sure would be easy and not messy!

Thanks for your advice, and

Thanks for your advice, and for scaring me about them scoping the place out! JK.

I can relate. Is take them

I can relate. Is take them somewhere they can tire out like roller skating or something, then bring them back late, feed them something heavy like pizza and caffeine free soda and let them sleep.
DH and I remodeled parts of our home, the skids treat it like a dumpster so we are done until they're grown.

Maybe I need to have a

Maybe I need to have a mindset more like this - accept that things may not stay just right, and replace stuff after she's older. I guess I just feel that we shouldn't have to do this since we're both already older (mid 40's).

My daughter is actually doing

My daughter is actually doing this, with 8-10 friends. She's 11. No problem. She follows my rules. A SD......a delicate little princess above house rules, IDK

She follows your rules, but

She follows your rules, but will the other 10 kids?

Yes........or my daughter

Yes........or my daughter loses the privilege in the future. It's worked well thus far with multiple parties/large groups of kids. But that's my daughter, not a little precious princess SD above all rules.

It's not her birthday, so NO

It's not her birthday, so NO party! At birthday time, maybe 3 or 4 girls. Not more than you can handle.

Sounds good to me! Thanks

Sounds good to me! Thanks Moon!!

I guess I don't want to be seen as the Evil Stepmother!

Why would you even entertain

Why would you even entertain a request to have a party for NO occasion? The answer would be a big fat NO. Have their parents drop them to you at the mall for a few hours, before they leave buy a few pizzas at the food court and send em along their ways. She can pick a friend to leave with you for a sleepover. These precious princesses are so entitled

Oh come on. Plenty of kids

Oh come on.

Plenty of kids have parties/sleepovers/ BBQs...for a bunch of friends just because.

It has nothing with being entitled. The OP said her SD is a good kid. So what in the world is wrong with allowing here to invite a bunch (or a few)of her friends over for a day fun?

I've done it. It's the reward

I've done it. It's the reward for being a good kid, and knowing how to act. I've had Halloween parties, New Years parties, large sleep overs, end of the school year parties.

Hmmmm. I would have two

Hmmmm. I would have two absolutely non-negotiable rules - No cooking to be done in my home and NO cleaning up afterward to be done by me. In other words - outsource the entire thing!

If Daddy Dearest wants to treat his daughter, he can take the whole bloomin' lot of them to dinner somewhere cheap and cheerful. Once fed, they can have simple, non-staining snacks back home, that don't involve huge amounts of preparation (or, in fact, any). they each bring a sleeping bag and bedtime is agreed in advance and strictly adhered to.

Breakfast is fairly easy (milk and muffins) and parents to collect their little darlings by 11 a.m. Book a cleaner to arrive at 12 and get your SO to take you out for lunch. You're welcome

I'm glad I'm not the only one

I'm glad I'm not the only one to think this way! Boy, do I wish we could afford to get some hotel rooms. Actually, I think she wants her friends to see the house she lives in for some reason. :?

Have them sleep in a tent in

Have them sleep in a tent in the backyard.

Set up the food on a table in the backyard.

Set up a garbage can for trash in the backyard.

Warn your neighbors there is going to be a slumber party in the backyard.

Tell them they can have music until 10pm in the backyard.

HAhahaha! That's all I've

HAhahaha! That's all I've got. Thanks for the laugh, it's been a rough day!

SD11, then 10, had a

SD11, then 10, had a sleepover last summer with 4 of her friends.
1) rule was Cover cooked dinner and breakfast only. DP and SD in charge of snacks and pre- and post- clean up.
2) SD apparently did the pre party stuff and DP handled snacks. All ok.
3) sleepover was ok, some craziness DP shut down was sibling arguments (SD then 8 would not leave her sister alone). SD11 showing off threw a brand new pair of shoes out her bedroom window irretrievable in the brambles. She didn't know I saw and heard this and got in trouble after her friends left. They were also throwing other things out the window which DP put a stop to.
4) after friends left DP cleaned up the entire downstairs with no help from SD.
5) DP figured out SD didn't clean her room (lied about it too) and all hell broke loose.. SD was pissed SHE had to clean.

So SD is asking for a sleepover this summer. DP and I are already talking logistics and time frame. Once that is decided we can make rules about it (like last time) and if SD throws another fit no more sleepovers for the time being

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