You are here

Taking a serious moment and discussing abuse & what it is.

JRTerrierMom's picture

Submitted by JRTerrierMom on Thu, 09/29/2011 - 1:14pm

For the past few days I've been reading and commenting on a few blogs and forum posts. I'm struck by how many similarities I see in my life and some I've been reading about. I'm also surprised that so many of us women live with and justify abuse. Men - before you chop my head off - I'm NOT excluding you from this conversation but the reality is women are reportedly more abused than men. *reportedly*. Most men don't report abuse due to our insane society thought of "suck it up and be a man". No one should have to shoulder abuse. No one, no matter how annoying, silly, simple, unattractive, wacky, different, or just plain aggravating they are.

I want to take a moment and give anyone who needs it - ANYONE - a resource - a friendly stranger in the dark. If any of you are living in a home with abuse, be it physical, emotional, verbal, mental or some combination of all (usually there is a poisonous cocktail of two or more, certainly in physical abuse all of them occur simultaenously) and you are ready to make a change, a move, a difference in your and your kids lives let me know. I can help you find resources. I'll do whatever I can to keep you and your safe.

I'm not rich nor do I have the power to buy you a house adn a car and put you up for months, but due to my own situation, my volunteerism, and my own passion for this topic - I have a large network spread out over the US, some Australian contacts, and one or two UK contacts.

You shouldn't have to live in a home where you are told you aren't good enough, that no one will love you as much as they do. You shouldn't have to live in a home where you get physically assaulted. Just because you're married doesn't mean he "gets to have sex" with you. YOU CAN SAY NO. You shouldn't have to live, every day, worried about when he/she comes home and IF they had a bad commute, a bad day at work - what is going to happen to you that night.

We do live behind closed doors - but please remember - they are DOORS. We can open them. We can shed light on the abusers. There are people who will help us keep our legs under us and our chins up. We can find ourselves again. We can be ok again and teach our children it's OK to be ok.

If anyone even just needs to talk, a safe person, I will make myself available or I can find you a crisis hotline to call.

Take care of yourselves and your children. You aren't alone and you can get out.

Hopefully none of you ever need my help but if even one of you does and i can help you - then I'll be here.

JRTM

Comments

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Thu, 09/29/2011 - 1:53pm

Thank you for posting this. Smile

I am not in an abusive relationship, but I have been, & it would've been helpful to have had someone reach out to me & offer me this kind of support.

It's easy for many of us to fall into abuse. Often times it's gradual & we end up making excuses & passing off abusive behavior & remarks & it just becomes a way of life. We don't always realize that we are being broken until we are far enough in that we feel stuck.

I found that my efforts to "be the good little wife" kept me from speaking up when I felt things were wrong. I felt like it was my job to be "supportive" & to "be there" for my husband when he'd had a bad day. It IS important to be supportive & to be there for our partners. However, it is also important to recognize the difference between being supportive & being a punching bag (physically or mentally). It is our responsibility to expect respect from others.

Often times abused women (& men) are lonely. Their lives outside of their homes are limited, & what little does exist is scoured, examined & questioned to the point where it is just easier to eliminate the friends & family members. It cuts out the suspicion & accusations of cheating & conspiring. Being alone...feeling alone makes it hard for a victim to reach out to others for help. Many victims feel ashamed & embarrassed for getting into such a situation.

Thank you, again, for reaching out & offering your help & your support. Smile

JRTerrierMom's picture

Submitted by JRTerrierMom on Thu, 09/29/2011 - 2:14pm

You're welcome and I'm glad you've found a better place - the "good wife" syndrome is more prevalent than most people realize. It should probably be titled, Good Partner Syndrome or GPS - we're always trying to find our way home, find our way around, find our way back to what we thought we were getting. We might think we're on the right road, but we can never quite GET there, ya know?

Anyway - glad to hear you've moved into a better part of your life. Smile

Soon-to-be-Step-Mommy's picture

Submitted by Soon-to-be-Step... on Thu, 09/29/2011 - 2:31pm

My DH is not abusive, but I was in a 5 year abusive relationship before I met my husband. I'm talking I was frequently beat up, talked down to like I was trash and kept from family and friends like a prisoner. This is a very sore subject for me as I still suffer from a lot of emotional problems that stem from the abusive relationship I was in almost 7 years ago. It saddens me to see other women in this position just deciding to take the abuse and live with it. I hope people will reach out to you after reading this post and get help with leaving their abusers for good!!! Whether it be verbal, emotional, or physical...it is all ABUSE and NO ONE deserves it!!

overit2's picture

Submitted by overit2 on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 9:41am

Thanks JT....I similar to you having had a passion for the subject and volunteerism....also have a lot of resources-so the same offer stands if anyone needs a PM.

In fact I've privately sent numerous messages to women on this board with resourses (linke, books, etc).

NOBODY should have to live this way, ever.