Ridiculous

Tomorrow is Father's Day and while we normally celebrate it this year my husband is in the middle of a major project at work. He's going to work a 12 hour shift tomorrow and is too tired for anything after work these days so we're postponing Father's Day till after his project is finished. I told my bios I would take them to see Finding Dori tomorrow afternoon and I was planning on it being super cheap bc I have a movie gift card that will cover our admission (but use up the whole gift card).

So I text BM earlier in the day to let her know that I'll send her the kids at the usual time tomorrow bc we don't have any plans and she replied, "oh geez, I won't be home tomorrow till the evening, I figured y'all would want the kids extra since its Father's Day."

I said, "no, DH is working a lot of overtime right now, we'll do something next month."

Then she replied, "would it be cool if they hang out there till around six anyway?"

Here's the thing--BM lives right around the corner from us, not even a block away. They walk back and forth between houses. Older SS is high school age, he's perfectly capable of babysitting younger SS at my house or his mother's house. There's no reason they need to sit at my house rather than hers. So I told BM, "normally I wouldn't mind but I was planning to take my DD's to the movies right after they leave and I don't want them to feel left out."

BM replied, "no problem, that's fine."

I kid you not, not even an hour later older SS text me "hey can we go to the movies with you tomorrow?"

So...I think it was pretty clear to BM that I had no intention of taking SS's to the movies with us. Why would she even tell SS about it?

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BM and I fall somewhere

BM and I fall somewhere between acquaintances and frenemies. We keep our distance (as much as you can being neighbors with kids in the same school, same grade, and same friends) but occasionally chit chat and what not. It's not unusual for me to handle step kid arrangements with BM. For a while DH worked out of town and I was a SAHM so we all got used to it.

Well, obviously BM told him

Well, obviously BM told him because she's a... Never mind, doesn't matter, just say, "No."

And remember, you don't ever have to give BM an explanation, either.

BM probably told OSS he was

BM probably told OSS he was babysitting because SM/Dad are busy and she, herself, won't be home until 6pm.

Tell SS 'no'. You and the younger kids made plans for x amount due to a gifted outing you received. Just be honest. The card was a present to you and meant to accommodate only x people.
Maybe Dad will take him and his brother another time when Dad isn't working.

Enjoy the movie with your kids.

He's not a NCP, the step kids

He's not a NCP, the step kids are at our house more than half the time due to BM's work schedule and love life. DH is working 12 hour shifts 7 days a week through the end of this month and possibly into the beginning of July with one or two mandatory fatigue days thrown in. I didn't mean we're literally going to go to a restaurant or somewhere next month and call it a Father's Day celebration, just that until the work stuff is over he can't really participate in a lot of family fun.

I think what people are

I think what people are saying is that the only reason she said she was sending them home at the usual time was because it was father's day and most people assume the kids are with their father on father's day. Because of that it was kinda rude of OP and DH to give BM such short notice.

So I text BM earlier in the

I am just wondering if it was agreed upon that the kids would stay longer because it's Father's Day or what? The above sounds like BM just assumed they would stay longer but if it was not agreed upon, why would you need to text her that they were coming home at the usual time?

Why are they even there at all if your DH is working all day?

I don't know what's so rude about sending kids home at the time they are supposed to go home. If BM made plans based on an assumption, that is her problem.

DH and BM have 50/50. Their

DH and BM have 50/50. Their official paperwork is somewhere collecting dust--they made a schedule years ago on their own and more or less stick to it. Holidays, vacations, and special events are handled as they come, as the event draws near either DH will say something or BM will depending on who wants more time and then they discuss it. It's very low conflict (basically no conflict). If no one asks for a change then there is no change. I don't think it's ridiculous that BM assumed that DH would want the kids past two o'clock on Father's Day. My whole frustration is this:

I told BM I'm taking my kids somewhere and not taking hers too so to spare feelings I'd prefer if they leave before we do so It never evens comes up. The next thing I know older SS is asking me if he and his brother can come too. Later on last night (and this was not in my original post bc it happened after I posted) I asked older SS, "hey how'd you know we were going to the movies, did *my DD* tell you?" He said, "no, Mom told me but she said she didn't think we could go and we had to check with you."

I didn't know exactly what BM told SS when I posted but I highly suspected it was something like that.

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