First of all, if they want nothing to do with you, stop buying them things.

It's okay to not force a relationship but their parents should have at least taught them common courtesy, completely ignoring somebody is rude. Are they that disrespectful to all adults or just you?

I'd love to say it's not common, but I'd be lying.

It happens, more often than I ever thought. I have a SD13 that is the picture of manners when DH is present, or others are around, but a total A-hole to me when we are alone together. I believe a lot is being a bratty teen, but a lot is BM's influence on her previously. And of course DH doesn't believe she acts that way when he's not around, so that doesn't help. She is FT with us as well, so there is no getting away from it or her.

I mostly ignore her, and when I do have to engage it's brief and without emotion (when possible). Is it okay? That's hard to answer, it is what it is. You will find lots of advice here, and some arguments as well. Hang in there.

If you are all able to peacefully co-exist in the household and your DH is an active parent, I don't see it as a big problem. They are older teens, almost adults really. It's natural for them to begin to pull away from the family unit at that time anyway. I think that there should probably be some level of civility between you though.. as in you should be able to acknowledge each others presence. Saying hello and how was your day..etc.

I think their father should insist on them treating you kindly and vice versa. A lot probably depends on the backstory of your relationship with their dad, and his relationship with his EX and what the details are about their breakup. Also, whether he has had multiple "stepmothers" in their lives etc... If there have been more before you, the kids may feel no need to be nice to "another one". But again, it should be dad directing it.

I think that it would be nice if everyone could like each other, but no illusions of some Brady Bunch happy family.

If this is a new situation, then it may take some time for everyone to warm up. Dont be afraid to put forth the effort. Simply saying hello, goodbye, have a good day, and goodnight, take minimal effort. You may be surprised by the outcome.

After a while they should see you as someone their father loves.

But yes I agree common courtesy of greetings etc should take place, as a basic sign of respect to each other (not just them to you, you also bear some responsibility). Stop buying them things. Rarely does something like that work out well in the long run.

Good Luck.

Not how my relationship started with skids... but that's how it is now. And I'm AOK with that. When SD18 lived with us, she steered clear of me and I of her. DH didn't like that, he wanted me to try and engage her and act like I cared about anything she was doing and hold hands and sing Kumbaya every night. Nope, I was not about to be the only one putting forth any effort. I'm not going to beg someone to "like" me. Don't like me? Don't care.

Unfortunately very common. My 4 skids do this all the time, sometimes I care and sometimes I don't. After 4 years of marriage and dealing with their skid behavior, most of the time I just can't find the gumption to care.

It did bother me at first but then the stb22 yr old and the 24 yr old went away to college. But then we still have a 19 yr old who thinks it's her job to ignore me. We had a come to glory meeting and I flat out told her that I'm not there to be her mom, she had a mom (she died). But I was there as her fathers wife and as another adult to try help raise them and that they could come to me when they needed to. But I absolutely would not tolerate rudeness and her refusing to answer me when I talked to her was rude. And I went on to say that if she continues to do that then I will call her out no matter where or in front of whom. All differences aside, I will not tolerate her being rude.

So our relationship has gotten better. But there are still times when they ignore me (not saying hello when I come home, etc.) and I am totally okay with that. It takes a few years of adjusting until you know what you want and they know what you want. Don't try to step into that mom-role with them, they will automatically set themselves against you because they already have a mom. And she could be the worst pos in the history of mothers but she will still be better than you. Concentrate on your husband and your marriage, the kids will eventually move out someday

Quiet normal, do not stress about it, it's the best way....

Now they are friendly if they want your cash, learn how to smile, keep your wallet close and say Ask your Dad...
Never feel bad if you buy your bio's something and nothing for the skids, if they can't be nice and respectful then you do not have to buy them anything.. they have a father and a mother who can get them things.

If your parents buys your kids something for birthdays and christmas, they are under no obligation to buy your skids something, cause your skids have their own grand parents....

It's a win win situation, and you are basically disengage...