Blamed for the Breakup --- But it's just not true!
I recently found out that my fiances family believes that I broke his "good" marriage/family apart. My fiance left his wife after 12 years of marriage.
What they all don't know, is that he cheated on her just 2 years after they were married, and didn't stop searching for someone until he found me, 10 years later.
He just recently told his sister the truth, but what about everyone else? His mother, father, ...and most of all, his ex? If it wasn't me that ended up compatible with him, then it would have been someone else.
Should he tell his family the truth? I think it may make things better for me. Although he is going to look worse.
Maybe his sister will tell some of the other family members. At least they had a good talk and got some things out in the open. That's a start. But it's been 6 years of them all believing that I "broke up his marriage." Do they really thing that everything was going along just wonderfully and then I just showed up one day and changed his mind? C'mon.
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You poor thing...his family
You poor thing...his family must have hated you all along. Yes let your husband know to tell them what really happened so they can change their view about you. I wouldn't be able to take all their hatred.
My fiance, "Mr. Perfect"
My fiance NEVER wants to look bad. That's the problem. Even if he did tell them, he would never tell them he had an "affair" 8 years before he met me. He would say something like, "I was lonely. I was looking. I got close to a couple other women before I met her."
6 years is a long time for people to not like me. It's habit now. LOL
I wish he would tell his ex. I think it would make it easier for us (her & I) to be around each other. I just don't know if it's worth hurting her with after all this time.
My fiance and I worked with each other 10 years before we ever even really spoke to each other. But, I am sure that his ex thinks it's been going on all along. While he was working there (before we met), he had an affair with another woman. Coming home late at night, etc. Of course she will remember that time, and just think it was me.
If his family or ex hint at anything or say
anything directly to you I would tell them that they need to speak to your fiance directly about it because you have done nothing to be ashamed of, maybe if they started to pressure him he might just give in and tell all, it would probably make him feel better. If his family aren't nice to you ask them why and try to get them to tell you that is the reason why then tell them to talk to your fiance, it mightn't work but it might make them question why they are behaving how they are - a lot of people behave in certain ways without knowing all the facts or because that's what everyone else is doing - unless you challenge it, it won't change.
I agree with Happy Mom & Cindy
You need not handle the fallout for something you didn't do. If it comes up again your fiance should own up to his responsibilty for the breakup of his marriage & clue everyone into the fact that it wasn't because of you. Telling the truth is a very cleansing experience, I hope he gives it a try.
Strict Catholics
The hardest part is that this family is of a strict Catholic faith.
My fiance & I started our relationship by both cheating on our spouses. A big no no. A terrible way to start off a relationship. We we hasty and wrong in what we did. We have both been to confession for our sins.
Now, we are living together and not married yet. Another big no no in the eyes of God. The priest, at the time of confession said that at least we were heading in the right direction. He was kind, and encouraged us to do the right thing. He was understanding, even though he didn't like what we had done or our current living conditions. An "embrace the sinner not the sin" type of thing.
I can't believe that his family members can really think that God would want them to ignore us and treat us like crap. Someone in his lovely family even went as far as flushing a toilet on my fiances voice mail on Father's Day.
Yeah, God told you to that too, right?
My fiance is a loving and compassionate man. Immature at times, but he strives to do the right thing. He loves his children and will always love his ex wife for the kind person that she is. She is truly a really nice human being. Her beautiful children are a total reflection of that.
At his son's graduation party, a couple of weeks ago, I saw her go up to her son and make sure he spoke with his dad and thank him. See saw that my fiance was getting ready to leave. Not that I think it's right, but my fiances eldest son (17 years old) told his father the other day that his grand-mother (my fiances mother) was not going to speak to him at the graduation. She said she was going to ignore him. My fiances ex is the one that told her not to do that and go and speak with him. What ex cares about the feelings of someone who cheated on her and asked for a divorce? She actually told his mother to make sure she spoke with him. ...and his mother did come to speak with him, which made him feel good. If only his son was smart enough not to tell his dad the reasons behind it. Why would he do that to his dad? I think he's old enough to know better, don't you guys? That's a whole other story I guess.
Well thanks for replying guys. This has sure helped me get through a rough time. My fiance has been gone almost a week now. He is returning tomorrow. I don't know what I would have done without being able to vent here and get my feelings out. ...and to be UNDERSTOOD by others like me. This is awesome.
Now I most go and occupy the dog, as the fireworks are starting and I am not sure how she is going to handle them. She is 9 years old, but I just rescued her from the local humane society this past September. Our first 4th of July together.
Take care!!