Any further ideas?
SD caused huge family divide at age 17 by spreading lie about her dad and I. Took a long time for dad to catch on, but the truth came out and we are estranged from his family. Evil sister in laws also learned she lied and eventually also cut off SD. Super close family destroyed by a snotty brat.
SD is now 24 and just got engaged. She's claiming to be an emotional wreck because she actually wrote a guest list that excludes about 25 people who we no longer see. We are not invited to family events and we don't invite them. "This isn't how I pictured my wedding day"......is her current whine.
SD now thinks all the adults "should just get over it" and talk it out and started making come contacts with the family to do so, simply to gain them as wedding guests. DH shut her down immediately by reminding her how awful they have treated us, her siblings, and her as well. She admits to starting all this and knows it's been hell on all of us. Her sister is 15 and brother is just 8 and they have lost grandparents and cousins and lots of special celebrations over their sister's selfishness.
DH laid down the law. He stated that IF they come to the wedding, he will not be nice about it. Second, we both told her that ANY of our adult friends she has put on her guest list can be taken off. They are OUR adult friends, not hers. We work and enjoy life with these people. We do not want our friends to feel the hostility or rudeness that is created when we have to be around each other.
We aren't paying for her wedding, and realize she can do what she wants. But do we really have to tolerate her striking up a relationship with these people when they have caused so much damage? Her snotty ways are surfacing again. Any suggestions?
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She wants attention for
She wants attention for absolute sure.....gushing, flowing, look at me "I've made it in the world" attention, but this is also a new perspective.....very true. The gift table would be fuller......as would the church when they suddenly become "Ultra Catholic" even though fiancé isn't even baptized at the moment!
Is she just trolling for
Is she just trolling for gifts?
Since you are not planning or paying for the wedding she of course can do what she wants. So can you. Which could mean attending the ceremony only - or any combination of what you want.
If she is inviting your friends that she doesn't even know so she can gifts I'd probably do something like give all of them a little note that says in lieu of gifts they'd prefer a donation to their charity of choice. }:) }:) }:)
Surely, your friends know of
Surely, your friends know of the discord between you and your SD and the family? Won't they find it odd to be invited to her wedding, since they are not her friends? They will see it for the gift grab that it is, how embarrassing.
No, not many do. Since many
No, not many do. Since many coworkers are also friends, we have not really shared this with them. That could be awkward when a sister in law walks right by us like we are invisible! DHs sister is a drama queen as well and could cause some type of scene.
How does your SD know these
How does your SD know these people well enough to invite them to her wedding?
She doesn't. Another
She doesn't. Another issue.....they are mostly dad's coworkers (some we see socially as well). He is a teacher and she went to the school there so she automatically thinks they are "her friends". They are not. She hasn't seen them in 6 years since she left the state for college.
Sounds like she is fishing
Sounds like she is fishing for gifts and cash for sure, along with fishing for money to help pay for the wedding. Something like, "Poor me, I've been nasty; but now since I am having my big day the whole world is suppose treat me extra-special." Even though she knows you are not paying for any of it, she sounds like she is trying to guilt someone into paying for some if it by trying to make you feel sorry for her because that isn't now she pictured her wedding day.
There isn't much you can do about who she tries to strike up a relationship with; but you don't have to tolerate it. Meaning, just ignore her as best you can. When she tries to guilt you or DH, don't respond. If you are close to anyone she tries to manipulate, perhaps talking to those people so they know the truth and do not hear just her side of the story.
My YSD 30's behaved like this. Oh, the whole world was suppose to forgive her and celebrate when she got engaged. We were all suppose to be so happy for someone that treated us like garbage. Ugh! She tried to connive DH to meet with her future in-laws to "celebrate" and figure out who was paying for what. He did not and she went nuts. When DH said "no" to attending an outing with her future arrogant husband, she went nuts again and called DH every name in the book. What was so obvious was YSD made sure only to invite the relatives with money and never invited any close relatives or old neighbors that were not as well off.
Hope this helps you out.
It truly helps and is so
It truly helps and is so unfortunate to hear how much I am not alone in this situation! Several have mentioned gift grabbing on here. Could absolutely be possible with SD. She has always thought everything should center on her, that's for sure!
A million thanks!
It sounds like SD is trying
It sounds like SD is trying to mend the family divide that she created by inviting everyone to the wedding. If this is SD's goal then the footwork of reconciliation needs to be done before the event, actually it should have started years ago if she is truly sorry for her role in the situation. I'd at least make sure that neither of you are seated by any of them during the ceremony or reception.
It's often said that marriage, birth and death brings a family together but many of us have seen just the opposite happen. Putting a warring family together in one room may not be the best idea especially on her own wedding day.
Perhaps she should save everyone the headache and just elope!
That's just gross. She sounds
That's just gross. She sounds very entitled.
When SO and I told my mom about the wedding date we chose, there was no discussion of money whatsoever. We assumed we were paying for our wedding in its entirety. She has since, however, offered to pick up some of the cost - she said she'd pay for the wine. Unnecessary, and we did make sure to express our appreciation for her generosity.
I did ask my mother if there was anyone she felt she wanted to invite, she said no, so we left it at that. About a week ago, she asked if we would be able to make room for 2 friends of hers - not a problem. We kept it small(ish), we have just shy of 60 people coming, so even just a few additions won't really make a difference... because we had a table that wasn't quite full.
We didn't register anywhere, and we haven't mentioned anything about the wedding, really, other than what the guests need to know... which other than the date time and reception details, isn't much. When people ask us what to get us, we've been telling them it's not necessary, we're just glad to share the day with them.
We don't expect anything - the people we've asked to attend are close friends and family. Never in a million years would either of us invite anyone purely on the idea they might get us a gift. That's just tacky.
It would be kind of funny that if any of your friends attended, they gave a small contribution towards a charity they felt reflected the couple.