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ImmKriss's picture

Submitted by ImmKriss on Mon, 05/31/2021 - 8:55pm

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 almost 3 years. I have 2 kiddos, he also has 2 kiddos. SD is 9 and SS is 5. First lets start by saying they are NEEDY, including him! I came to him about an issue with SS and favortism. He'll correct him when he's wrong but in the most softest way possible. SS has picked up on what dad does and now can understand and manipulate very well! I hate it! If all of the kids are told to go play, SS gets to sit with dad, or cuddle with dad. If everyone else asks for soda (we limit soda drinking) and are told no, SS will "daaaadddddyyyyy" and dad gives in. SS has NOOO PATIENCE what so ever! Im not sure if he was so used to being the "baby" and waited on hand and feet but its rather annoying now! Especially when he's told no, or to wait. He pouts and whines! Its very very annoying! He'll then try to be manipulative to siblings and say "i wont let you play my game/phone if you dont let me watch your ipad". I HATE IT! SS was home with me, got fussed at for being impolite and coniving to sibling; SS turned around and called dad. After speaking with dad, and confronting him about the favoritism and constantly allowing SS to get passes, etc etc etc. Then I was made out to be the BAD GUY! I am honestly starting to hate it! Im thinking about leaving

Comments

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Mon, 05/31/2021 - 10:54pm

I'd have a problem living in a household where one kid got special treatment.  Don't think for a minute that your kids aren't noticing that. I'd also have no patience for a partner who made me out to be the bad guy when I correct his kid.  If you leave me with your kid, you'd better back me up if I have to discipline.  Obviously your boyfriend's "soft" parenting approach is not working with his son.  

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Tue, 06/01/2021 - 4:31am

Well, your SO is the problem, but I think you know that. Kids can't manipulate unless parents allow it. If you don't leave, at least start refusing to watch SS alone. 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Submitted by Wicked stepmo. on Tue, 06/01/2021 - 6:59am

Maybe if when you address these issues with SO instead if focusing on SS behavior. You point out to SO examples of how he treats SS different than the other children and how it makes them feel to see SS being treated differently.

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Tue, 06/01/2021 - 7:27am

I think when it comes to how you want to parent, you need to work those ideals out with each other before you move in together when it comes to blended families. I think as a mother, you realize this isn't SS's "fault" for how he acts, he is just doing what he has been trained to do. 

Parenting styles are a hill to die on for me. I know they are with my husband too. Those are things we talked about on our 2nd date! Neither of us were willing to waste time with someone that wasn't compatible. That isn't saying that we agree with every decision the other person makes, but the kids sure as hell don't know that. There is no divide and conquer- what one says the other rolls with. We talk about disagreements in private when the kids wouldn't even know we are talking about it. 

You guys either have to get on the same page or this is something that will build resentment and cause nothing but fighting between you and your SO. 

FinallySkidFree's picture

Submitted by FinallySkidFree on Tue, 06/01/2021 - 11:20am

I would totally tell all the other kids that instead of playing they ALL get to cuddle with DH. See how fast that takes the wind outta his sails.

If SS gets soda - I would make it a thing "Oh look everyone you can ALL have soda now since SS can have some."  Oh - "you won't let Skid play your game cause you want the ipad? Now NO one gets electronics because of YOU." make him stick out that way. I can be super petty when I wanna be. It may teach your DH a lesson.