Well, where to start...
I live with my GF and her 5 year old son. While we were dating, I didn't spend a lot of time with him because we wanted to "be sure" before allowing him and I to connect. When I did see him, he was an angel, which now I know when he is around strangers is just about the only time he behaves. So when I decided to move in, I had no idea the level of difficulty that was about to ensue.
My GF and I get along great; she is my best friend, and the only arguments we ever have are about her son.
Her first son died at 2 weeks old of a rare disease called Barth syndrome. Her 5 year old is also affected; he had a heart transplant at 9 weeks old and has been near death on a number of occasions. Happily, he is now a quite healthy boy, although he is very susceptible to infections, and will need another heart transplant someday. Chances are, we will outlive him. They also consider him "special needs" at school, and he tires faster than most boys, but from my view, he is as normal as any other 5 year old.
I think very much that our problems all stem from his getting 100% of her attention because he was sick so often, coupled with the fact that she wants to give him the happiest life she can in case the unthinkable happens.
My GF is a pretty good mom, she spends a lot of QT with him, he has boundries, we have a "naughty corner"... but her life has centered on him for so long that he CANNOT stand to be even in a different room than her.
He calls for her constantly, every time she leaves the room, and won't stop calling until she comes. He barges into the bathroom, the bedroom, wherever we are, door closed or not. He makes her sit in the bathroom while he is bathing, which is usually over an hour. He will sometimes go to the bathroom without her, but calls her until she goes and wipes his butt. Yet, when it is just us, he doesn't need this assistance. He wakes up multiple times every night, and either calls and cries until she goes in there, or comes padding into our room. He doesn't need anything when he does this. The other night, against her wishes, I locked our bedroom door, and when he found it locked at 3am, he threw such a fit I am sure the neighbors heard it. He throws fits when trying to get him to take a nap, and then wakes up in a tantrum almost every time, sometimes he doesn't stop for over a half hour. I finally put my foot down about him sleeping in bed with us, but sometimes to get the tantrum to stop she goes in and sleeps with him, which I don't really approve of, but what can I do.
There is so much more, but I don't want to type the longest blog ever. We decided this week to try to find a therapist with experience in child behavior, plus can work with us. I have never lived with a child, I know that I need to learn more about what I can expect out of him, and I think she needs help getting over the fact that he is not a sick baby anymore, he is a normal kindergartner and he needs to learn how to live in a world that doesn't revolve around his every wish.
Anyways, just wanted to vent to people that have a better idea of where I am coming from. I am scared that if we can't stop the constant tantrums, a break-up is in our future, and I would hate to give up. I love her, and although I just spent 15 minutes listing some of his faults, he really can be a sweet, loving, amazing child. I am not always his favorite person, as I am often the only one putting my foot down, but when he is good we get along wonderfully and I know we could have a special relationship if I could somehow find my place in this threesome without pulling out my hair.