DH got stuck w a court commissioner and got SCREWED!
3 1/2 months waiting for court and DH ends up in front of a family court commissioner who not only refused to let him talk but told him to stop talking 4 different times, BM didn't even have to say 10 words and this douche bag said he wasn't changing ANYTHING!
We were floored that he didn't even get to see a judge and that this guy basically had his mind made up already. Told DH too bad BM claimed SD on his year, he can claim her next year. Didn't matter we had SD 3-4 times as much as the court order, that she didn't take her to the doctor or therapist or dentist or that he just lost his job and BM was making more $$ now, he wasn't changing ANYTHING.
SO.....I'm done. We've stayed in this state struggling to make ends meet so DH could be near SD but I told him if court played out this way, I wasn't going to stick around here while our other 3 kids suffered. Let BM ruin SD, I can't care anymore. The last six months have jeapodized our lives, sobriety, cost DH his job and have taken their toll on our marriage.
If it's his day to take SD, he can pick her up and drop her off-I won't do it. We've got an expensive wardrobe of clothes we bought for her and I'm not sending them to BM's only to not get them back, I'm putting them on Craigslist and making what we can selling them. BM can handle all of the doctor's apts, therapist, psychiatrist, it doesn't matter to me anymore. I'm not putting that much effort into taking care of a kid that isn't mine when I have my own son and DH's 2 kids who call me mom.
I feel bad that SD will suffer for it but I can't do it anymore. We have an opportunity to leave the state and I want to take it. Nothing is going to change, yesterday proved that and as hard as it is on DH, he needs to start thinking about the rest of our family.
Oh and I'm going to give BM a piece of my mind. I've held my tongue for too damn long. I'll file the denovo hearing for the child support reduction and that's it. Perhaps, with BM's drug abuse and domestic violence lifestyle, we'll get a call one day saying she's in foster care but until then, I'm just done. I've given DH the last six months of my sanity and dedication, now it's his turn. I wish the ass holes making these decisions were required to look back after several years and see the outcome of their choices, how messed up these kids are because they made the wrong choice but I doubt they'd lose any sleep.
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Comments
I have felt this frustration
I have felt this frustration before. The courts are very one sided and pro bm. Don't give up but don't give in either. If nothing is going to change then think about moving but if it effects custody then dh may have to pay more cs. We asked for a 730 evaluation which requires 6-12 mo yhs of counseling. This is expensive but things have gotten better. Bm has less custodial time and ss is much happier.
oh Boy, I know this one too
oh Boy, I know this one too well, and SO actually got in front of the judge. Tried to tell the judge that he wanted to have SD more than just every other weekend, and he already had her more anyways, just wanted to change the CO. The judge would have none of it, said the CO stays the same and he had to pay more child support. Even though he showed proof that BM wasn't taking sd to her appointments, and was neglecting her. Judge looked at BM, Asked if it was true, BM said no. Judge asked if she wanted to change the court order, actually reminded her that if she changes the court order she will receive less aid and child support. Its ridiculous how pro BM courts are.
((Hugs)) that is a HORRID
((Hugs)) that is a HORRID outcome hun!
I don't recommend contacting BM to give her a piece of your mind, it won't make you feel better and it will cause you more stress and problems unfortunately. (I learnt the hard way and I didn't even swear or threaten BM).
Stick to the CO. DH should collect all and any evidence of BM's neglect. File contempt when necessary. If the kids are suffering, be honest with them (age appropriate non-BM-bashing kinda way), yip, sell the clothes, spend the minimum on them (we do, we don't buy SD fancy things cause BM spoils the shit out of her and SO pays enough CS) missed appt's, DH should send BM a text and call her out on it, let the school know too, expose her neglect to shame her into stepping up (or just plain shame her) rather then doing it for her enabling her neglect. No more extra time no matter what, if she ask's reply should be "if you need me to have more time due to your work/life schedule, adjust the CO to reflect it, otherwise, I will stick to what the CO says now.
What an asshole court system!!!
I take so much of it
I take so much of it personally because of how I grew up, $15k in lawyers fees and the judge wouldn't give me to my dad, no matter what. I left an abusive situation, was emancipated at 16 and by 17 I'd turned to hard core drugs. Ironically I wentered before the same judge who ignored my dad's pleas 20 years earlier, strung out, facing felony forgery charges and it made no difference to him.
I know DH doesn't want to give up but I can't stand by and watch us all suffer so that BM can keep raking in the cash and pawning SD off on everyone else. We had the same thing, proof she missed dentist and doctor appointments, barely made it through 5k, had behavior problems, that there was domestic violence involved and firearms and all this jerk thought about was how DH should be paying more. He even ignored the contempt charges and told DH he can just claim SD next year on his taxes but would still need to pay her, despite the $7k return she got instead of him.