Had a great secession with my therapist last week - not my circus, not my monkeys -  is my mantra.  But today is a struggle.

BM has filed for a De Novo after her spanking by the Court Commissioner last month.  No surprise there.  What is surprising are her now daily "updates" to DH about SD12 after not communicating anything about schooling or healthcare decisions for nearly two years.  You would think she is mother of the year with how wonderful SD seems to be doing.  In these updates, we get to hear all about how much SD is reading, and shopping, and preparing for back to school.  It is all fluff, and BM is including her attorney on all the messages (this is all in OFW).  There are some pretty heavy mental health concerns with SD, and she has been out of therapy for over a month - but you would never know it by how glowing BM talks about SD in these daily updates (Oh, only M-F...no weekend updates).  According to the former therapist, however, SD is apparently a deeply disturbed young lady.  For the record, DH and I have never witnessed firsthand the behaviors the therapist has described, BTW.  Former therapist also refuses to communicate with DH, and if she replies to an email he sends, always includes BM on the reply.

DH has been trying to get SD back into therapy, even going along with the former therapists recommendations for outpatient care.  After not hearing anything for a few weeks, called both places and were told they were waiting on supporting documents from the former therapist.  When he reached out to the former therapist - she said she never received any requests for records....umm, what?

As a test to see how much this new found communication is really working, DH sent a message to BM asking about the emotional and behavorial concerns the former therapist had about SD - ya know....the really important stuff when it comes to the well being of SD.  Not so shocking - BOOM! A blameful and indignant reply, not mentioning anything about how SD is actually doing....just jumping to the former therapists defense (I smell a flying monkey here) and how it is really DH fault SD isn't yet accepted to the outpatient program.  BM didn't include her attorney on that response.

DH sent the exchange to the GAL.  De Novo is in November.

With all that said, DH words are not matching his actions.  Part of the MSA was that he was to have a weeknight visit with his daughter.  This got sidelined in covid times, and then DH moved a bit further away for his job (a two hour round trip drive).  BM has made it very clear in her court motions and appearances that DH isn't taking this time and using it to make him seem like a bad dad *eyeroll*.  To me this is an easy fix - start taking his nightly visit.  I kindly pointed out to my DH that he is going to need a pretty good excuse to the judge as to why he hasn't taken up his parenting time in the last year, and it might not look very favorably on him if he doesn't.  He keeps telling me he is going to ask the BM to start it up again....but that was weeks ago.  I cannot fathom why he won't do it.....dare her to day no, basically.

My therapist says to wait.....observe.....so I am observing.....waiting...this is bothering me though. What kind of dad/man keeps finding excuses not to see his own kid - one he is fighting for sole custody for?  I cannot get my brain around it.  I know DH is struggling with all of this....everything seems like a battle.  Every little roadblock seems impossible (the back and forth with the therapist for example) to him and he wants to throw in the towel....can't help but wonder...is he REALLY doing it for his daughter...or because he thinks that is what I want him to do?

Thanks fo reading.