The holidays are always nuts with BM - just need to decompress/vent a little...

There was zero need to communicate with BM over the holiday schedule since SO's parenting time fell in line as it was written in the CO (which only states BM has SK Christmas Eve overnight (Sunday) - no time specified - and SO gets SK Christmas Day (Monday) at 1pm until the 26th@1pm)  SO picks up SK on Friday night (22nd) for his weekend and intends on having her until Sunday - following the CO as it is written until the normal time (6pm) on the 24th since BM never asked for any modification. Easy peasy.   Hahahahahahaha - riiiiight.

On Saturday morning, BM sends SO a text: "I haven't heard anything from you regarding how you would like to handle the Christmas holiday this year. The schedule for odd years is traditionally I have (SK) the entirety of of Christmas Eve day through Christmas day at 1pm. If you would be willing to save (SK) from having to spend multiple extra hours of her Christmas holiday sitting in a car driving down the interstate, I would be happy to have you keep your weekend as it usually is and instead of picking her up at 6pm tonight, have her stay with you until the regular pick up time on Sunday. Please let me know. I'll be copying this to OFW as well"

On the surface, to anyone who doesn't know the history with BM, this seems like a perfectly reasonable, rational thing to ask/consider.  This doesn't seem insidious at all.  That's the problem with narcissists.  This text is a dog whistle, and I'll tell you why. I'll try my best to keep this concise.

"Traditionally I have SK the entirety of Xmas Eve Day" is technically correct because it hasn't fallen on my SO's parenting time.  There is nothing in the CO spelling out what happens when Xmas Eve falls on my SO's parenting time.  Last year Christmas Eve/Day, it did.  Last year, he contacted her early in the month with very similar language BM used this year, asking for a modification in order to keep SK from spending her entire holiday going back and forth between homes.  He asked for a modification that would ultimately save a lot of back and forth for everyone, including SK.  BM was adamant about following the CO as written (due to scheduling conflicts), but ultimately agreed to the modification, which meant she also had SK for the entirety of Christmas Day last year as well. Since this year Xmas Eve fell on the last day of his parenting time, he intended on keeping her especially since he hadn't heard anything from her requesting otherwise.

"Instead of me picking her up at 6pm tonight (23rd)" - is absolutely made up, presumptuous, and incorrect.  The CO only states that she has SK Christmas Eve overnight, nothing about when SO has to turn SK over on Xmas Eve Day or that it is 6pm on the 23rd!!!  There was nothing from her about her plans or if she needed to pick up SK or have SK on the 24th....and sends this until 7 hours before she assumed she was picking SK up...and she completely misinterpreted the CO (or just doesn't care).

BM saying "she'd be happy to let you have her" makes her out to seem so generous and the hero for keeping SK off the interstate for the holiday.....its complete nonsense.  It was happening anyway since that is what the CO says.

SO replies via OFW, "there is no time listed in the CO for the odd year Christmas Eve Day exchanges. Since it is my placement weekend, I am following the CO as it is written and will (exchange SK at said time/location)."  She doesn't even open this OFW until the 25th.

At 6pm, BM texts SK.....not SO, "where are you? I am at (location) waiting for you" - which sends poor SK into an absolute panic and calls her mom right away.  SK tries explaining to her mother that it is her dad's weekend....and mom starts to argue it isn't.  SO talks over both of them to BM that he has sent an OFW and there will be no discussing it further with SK.  BM launches into all the things they were going to be doing that SK was going to miss out on.  SO keeps his cool and lets SK finish talking to her mom....but he is absolutely livid.  BM not only put SK squarely in the middle, then tried bribing/guilting her with what she'd be missing out on.  Nevermind the fact that BM in her message said that she would be "happy to let SK stay with SO (on the 24th)."  Absolutely disgusting behavior...my heart breaks for my poor SK.

Other than that, Christmas went off without any other drama....after picking up SK Christmas Day afternoon, she informed us she only got to open one gift in the morning....and as of writing this has yet to open any more gifts from Christmas.

OH BUT THERE IS MORE!

SO's grandmother passed on the 29th (they were very close).  He was hoping to tell SK face to face on Tuesday when he took her to therapy, but the session was canceled.  He ended up telling her on face time, and asked if she wanted to go to the service on Wednesday, which she did (we know this was last minute, but so it goes with funerals sometimes).  SK knew what she wanted to wear, she would wear it to school and SO would pick her up at so and so time and bring her back. It was all worked out with SK, but of course she had to check with her mom.  SK tells her mom all the things worked out and BM says "I can take her." (OH helllll no). SO tells BM that he will send an OFW with the details and they can discuss it that way if needed.  He sends the OFW....spells it all out, says he will contact the school, do ALL the driving, and bring SK back....BM didn't have to do a thing but say OK.  An opportunity to be a reasonable co-parent, show some grace and sympathy and not be a cuntasuarus.  (BM says eff that, hold my beer.)

Wednesday morning, BM replies via OFW, "I will bring her for the service and take her home when it is over."  She must have looked up the info cuz SO didn't provide any of it.  Again, on the surface....this appears like a kind gesture, SO not having to drive on a day of mourning...BM seems like she just wants to be helpful.  I assure you it is anything but....she is absolutely using SK as a ticket into a place she is not welcome or wanted...and with BM history very likely she would arrive late or not at all.  SO wanted to avoid all of that by doing all the chasing.

SO calls his lawyer and replies to the OFW, "this doesn't work for me. Thank you for offering to take SK, but I have made other arrangements."  Attornerys hash it out with BM attorney saying she will tell her client to let Tyler take kiddo to the funeral.  While en route to pick up his kiddo, he is contacted by the school resource officer (police officer in the schools) saying BM contacted him (SRO) in an attempt to keep SO from picking up SK because it is "her parenting time."  Pretty sure she did this before she was contacted by her attorney.....but who knows.  The SRO cannot keep SO from picking up SK, as BM has nothing to show he can't.  Ultimately the SRO contacts BM to have her bring clothing to school for SK to wear to the funeral and keeps her tf away from SO as he takes SK from school.

Good look BM.....can't wait to bring all of this up in court on the 29th you worthless excuse for a human being.  The custody battle rages on.

For those of you who made it through all of this, thank you for making it this far.  This space is a haven to get this sh*t off my chest....I hate dumping all of this on my family and friends who absolutely do not understand.  I cannot stomach one more "she was just trying to be nice" comment.......