I would just send for his two sons....

In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities. ~ disgusted

I was pretty much in your EXACT situation! Background - my DH married BM when she was 7 months pregnant with her son, thinking he was his dad. One year after her son was born, she cheated and got pregnant with another man's baby. They separated but eventually he took her back & tried to make it work. She had the baby, and about 9 months later she started cheating again with a different guy. Got pregnant again. He divorced her, she moved back to her home state with both kids and one on the way. I guess you could say DH was her 1st daughters stepdad for the 1st 9 months (although the actual definition of stepdad refers to children from a PRIOR relationship!) The real dad was also around for the 1st 6 months of the baby's life. Anyways, when I came into the picture 5 years later, we went to her state to visit his family (Bm lives 20 min away from his family). We went to pick up her son (we didn't find out until this year he's not actually my DH's) and her 2 daughters come running out of the house screaming daddy daddy. I about fell over! I was like why in the hell are these 2 girls calling you daddy? I could see the irritation in his face as soon as he heard them. Mind you, he had only seen these girls 3 times in the 5 years since the divorce, and only when picking up her son for a visit when he was in that state. He always tried to get them to call him by his name but BM was always pushing them to call him "daddy". She would try to get my DH to let the older daughter come visit (in a different state) with her son. He always said no. She really tried to make him the father because he was married to BM for the 1st 9 months of her life. Then the younger girl somehow followed suit, even though they weren't together when she was born. My DH is a nice guy, he never wanted to say anything to the kids, but he was always trying to confront the BM about it without causing waves. She's very manipulative. She would say things like "but they don't have a daddy" Thats the difference in our stories, neither guy she cheated with stuck around for long so these girls didn't have daddies, but she DID have her BF playing daddy to them...they called him daddy too. Anyway, he finally told BM off, told her he was not their daddy & she needed to stop confusing them. He told her he was never going to take them on visits like she wanted him too, never going to respond if they called him daddy, basically never going to be a daddy to them...all things he had tried to gentally tell her before but she was just not listening. She threw a fit, badmouthed him to everyone, did everything she could to try to get him to play daddy. He stood his ground and now its been almost 3 years since that incident. She's completely crazy. Just tell your DH to stand his ground, she will throw a fit but eventually she will get over it. Tell him to tell her child to call him by his name. Thats confusing for the child & disrespectful to his dad for her to allow it.

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

....I wouldnt! You should send them to your ss but not her kids. Our BM freaked out last year when we refused to send all of SS presents that we got him to her house. Her excuse was "I dont have money to get him many presents, so you can't get him very much" then she said "You have to send his presents home with him after he opens them" OVER MY DEAD BODY! I would like for SS to have things to play with here as well. Since we said that we would not send home the presents and DH refused to spend Christmas with her (just her SS and him, I his wife was to stay home) our punishment was that we did not get to see or talk to him at all Christmas Eve or Christmas day, even tho it was to be our visitation. So this year our attorney made it so that we have him all day Christmas Eve until December 28th.

her 5-yr-old on DH's family. Tries to drop him off at MIL's with SD, won't send pictures of SD by herself, guilted DH into standing in as the child's godfather (because his father ran off and before DH grew a spine) it goes on and on. We retaliate by either not getting him anything, or getting him the most ANNOYING noise-making cheap toy we can find. Two years ago that was a spinning singing Christmas toy with the handle full of candy. (~$3) Annoying and giving him a sugar high for BM to deal with. Win!

~Trish

This child is the sibling of your H's sons. Would it really hurt to provide a present to the youngest "brother?" Just so he's not left out? Who are the adults and who are the kids? Can't we rise above the dysfunction for the kids sake? Personally, I'm a child of divorce, with step siblings, half siblings, multiple step parents...and we all try our best to be loving and accepting to all. It's not always easy, but looking back, I'm sure glad my parents took the high road in their relationships and encouraged me to do the same. To me, in this case, it's really not about boundaries, it's about civility and love for others. I'll get off my high horse now....sorry if I offend anyone.

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

This is a sick little game she's playing...and sure to confuse the kids. I never like to see little ones hurt, but better they realize now, that your H is not their father, than later.

I would say if you do decide to buy a gift for her 3rd son, have it be from the kids. That way, the child still has a gift to unwrap (assuming he is getting little else), but your H is not taking on the "Daddy" role.

Personally, for me it would depend on whether the 3rd child is not well provided for (would get very little) or if he has plenty without your contribution.