I'm new to this site and wanted to introduce myself to everyone. I've been reading the blogs for a couple days and now know that I am not alone in this world we live. I wish I would have found this site 3 years ago, it seems there is alot of wonderful people to support each other.

My husband and I have been married for 3 years and we both came into this relationship with children. I have a BS10, BD9 & BS8 & he has two sons, 17 & 11. We have custody of all the children and I have been a stay at home mom for about 2 years now.

Almost immediately, I had another child to raise full time, SS11. Which I did not mind because I love children. I already had three, what's one more, right? I just added one more to everything I did. I am not one to kiss the *ss of a child, I have rules, I have boundaries and I also have consequences for bad behavior. So right away I was the evil stepmom before I had a chance to be welcomed in the family.

Right away the bad behavior started with my SS who was 8 at the time. I explained to my DH that I was not at all interested in being treated in that way and I would not put up with it and that he needed to discuss with his child how he should be acting. To give him the credit he deserves my DH did correct the behavior when it occurred. Some of the problems included backtalking, yelling, screaming, not minding his manners, disrespectful towards me, he lied constantly to me and about me to his BM of course. He refused to do his homework, back behavior at school, not bringing his work home, disrespect towards any and all teachers, etc... Oh yeah, I almost forgot, he has also elbowed me in the face because I bent down to get eye level with him to tell him to stop yelling. My favorite trash can has a HUGE dent in it from my can opener that went flying across the room.

He was a very unhappy little boy on many levels and I truly felt sorry for him. My Bkids were going to their BF house every Wed. and every other weekend and in the summer we rotate weeks. My SS was stuck at home with us by himself with no kids to play with and everytime he called his BM to pick him up, almost always, she gave him some excuse of why she couldn't come. So of course I was the evil one who came in between his parents and also the reason why he could not see his mom and also for giving him the consequences for his daily bad behavior.

We went through counseling with him for many months, and I kept hearing from many people including my DH that I should not take it personal, it's not about me, I should just let it go. I kept thinking, on a daily basis this kid is directing this behavior towards me, how am I NOT supposed to take it personal? I never and still don't understand that statement.

The BM would call my DH and tell him I should not be punishing HER child, I have no right! This is what I say to that: If I'm raising YOUR child, you better believe I'm going to raise YOUR child the right way, punishment included. These BMoms who think the stepmom should not have any authority over the skids, just drives me crazy. Would they send their child to school, a babysitter, daycare, etc... and tell the child that because these woman are not your mother, you don't have to listen to them? Come on BM, get with the program. And on many occasions, I have told my DH, which in turn told the BM, that if she doesn't like the way I'm raising her child, she can come and do it herself when my DH is not home. She has NEVER done this to date. Just to say my ex has a live in girlfried and my bkids know that they are not to disrespect her in anyway and if she is watching them while their BF is not home they are to mind their manners. I don't feed them any information about how I feel about her, I don't want them to be uncomfortable around her. What kind of mother would I be?

After a year of marriage and in the midst of a crisis with my SS then 9, my father suddenly passed away. I still haven't completely recovered from this and I'm not sure if I ever will. March 19th will be two years (3 days after my BS10 birthday) and during this time of year it seems that the snowball effect happens very quickly. After the crisis with my SS11, my MIL now takes my SS when my kids are at their BF house. God Bless her!

When my SS17 moved in with us (he lived next door with grandma) about two years ago, I was very excited. Finally, a person that would not need me to do everything for him, in fact I was looking forward to getting to know him and his friends and also teaching him to drive. This was such an exciting time in my life growing up I was happy to share this with him. My DH made him a deal that he would GIVE him a car, PAY for his car insurance and gas, if he would just take my SS11, his brother, back and forth to his BM house. Wish I had a deal like that when I was his age. He never took him up on that offer and still to this day doesn't have his drivers license?? A few rules he had to follow was this: keep your room clean, your bathroom clean, no food in your room and mind the rules with the phone. Seems pretty simple right?

OMG almost immediately every rule was broke. Mind you this is a teenager that needs EVERYTHING done for him, cook, clean, rides to and from school and friends house, ordering food from a restaurant etc... Expected to get what he wanted, when he wanted it and nobody should be going against him and his wishes. So, as from previous paragraphs, I'm not the one who just GIVES children what they want when they want so of course he ran into some resistence from me.

His 16th birthday party (4 mos. after he moved in) with us he invited 20 people to our house. One of the friends he invited, not sure which one, but one of them left an illegal surprise in our basement. Me flipping out is an understatement. I talked to my DH about it and my SS was grounded for the first time in his life, which of course was my fault.

It has been downhill from that point. He is one to turn on the tears and lie like you've never heard a lie before. This kid has in a little under a year, destroyed my reputation, has made me feel like a piece of dirt. He makes me feel like I'm not supposed to be in my own home, he feels I am beneath him (i'm just some woman his dad married). He has told his BM that I should not be at home I should get a job, and all I do is stay on the computer all day long and do nothing for him. Here's what I say about that: SCREW YOU! It's none of your business what I do all day. When the little kids are gone for a week in the summer, I will do what I please. Who does he think he is, really?

Their BM passed her test and now has a full time good paying job. All of a sudden, she started buying her children treats and drinks, that they were NOT to share with my Bkids. Of couse, I flipped my lid, but nothing changed because my DH says that he can't stop her from buying her children stuff. Come to find out, my SS17 told his BM that I was not feeding him, and the idiot she is, she believed him. Oh yeah, and he does not want me a part of his life and doesn't want me around. This was the first big blow up between me and SS17.

In the midst of the yelling and screaming, he starts rocking back and forth with his fists balled up. I thought you go ahead buddy, but you better make sure I don't get back up. I told him, he was 16 at the time, if you can't come upstairs when your hungry and make yourself a sandwich, heat up leftovers or cook a can of soup, your screwed because i'm not going to serve you three meals a day on a silver platter, like other people do. On a daily basis I would send my SS11 down to get him for supper or lunch, whatever the case may be, and the boy would not come up and eat? After the argument, he said all the right things and we were OK, or so I thought.

He started being more of a sh*t after that and started to include his friends and girlfriend in his little games against me. He would bring them into my house and they would be just as disrespectful to me as my SS was and still is. He would leave the gate open to allow the dog to go downstairs and tear everything up, he also for a week straight and on other occasions, would leave the door open everytime he walked in or out of it and at times the dog would get out and he would not help get him back in the house. Come on, nobody is that stupid! He would leave his shoes, coat & bookbag in the middle of the floor when he was dropped off from school, by me. Would leave his clothes laying around the house, on the kitchen counter or in the bathroom. I understand kids will be kids, but when your told to stop or pick up after yourself, don't go on a rampage to seek and destroy the stepmom.

One day I had a phone call, so he had to bring the phone up to me. I finished my call and hung the phone up. 5 minutes before it was time for him to be off the phone for the night, his girlfriend started calling. I did not get up to answer the phone and had no intention to. After a couple calls my DH got up and took the phone down to him. I thought you fool.

The next day, I went down to my SS room to get the phone (which he refuses to bring up when he was done) and he left his computer on and low and behold he left his chat with his girlfriend from the previous night up on his computer. The phone call incident was there, and he was telling her to call numberous times to MAKE me get up and bring him the phone and how unfair it was that he had to bring the phone upstairs and I would not take it down to him. Then he writes "LOL my dad just brought me the phone"! I showed my DH and he was outraged instantly. BM had a few things to say about that and also my SS did not want me a part of his life and didn't want anything to do with me blah blah blah. Shortly after that BM bought my SS a cell phone!

I have been physically threatened by his friends and girlfriend, not to my face of course. And when my SS is questioned about it, he laughs and says it was just a joke, whatever! My SS was told by my DH that his friends would apologize to me before they would be allowed to come back into my house. 6 months went by and no apology, then one day the foolish friend walked into my house and was on his way out, and no apology. I told my SS that he had his chance to apologize and chose not to so that will be the last time he steps foot into my house. Of couse, that started the next war.

BM had a few things to say about that also and called my DH and pitched a fit for 30 minutes, while we had company, about how I am and that my SS doesn't want to be around me, blah, blah, blah, blah.... Whatever!

From that day forward I told my husband to keep his kid away from me and that I won't be doing anything for my SS17 from now on.

What do they expect, he is given free rain to treat me like crap and to break ALL the rules, how do they think he's going to act? Honestly, can anyone help me understand this. How do they expect me to feel?

At one point, I had a one hour conversation with the BM about the SS17 and his behavior and attitude towards me and this family. I told her, in a nice way, that she was foolish to think I was not feeding her 17 YEAR OLD KID. She agreed that she didn't believe it and that my SS told her he didn't want to be around me. I also told her if my SS and his friends walked into her house and disrespected her and threatened her the way they do to me, they would be out within a second and I proceeded to say if you tell me you would be OK with that your a liar. She agreed with me that the behavior would not be accepted by her either. I also told her that if the behavior did not stop towards me that they would get what they wanted....me not a part of his life, and that I didn't feel any of them knew what was involved in that. I told her to talk to her son about everything and if he didn't feel comfortable with talking to me then he can write everything down in a letter. She told him and my SS tried that. Again, he said all the right stuff and I foolishly believed him. About two weeks after this conversations, she backpeddled on what she said and told my DH that I was overreacting with my SS.

The conversations between me and my DH is always the same thing and nothing changes. He doesn't understand that the past is what makes me who I am and if nothing changes my feelings don't change. He also doesn't understand that yelling at the kid and giving him options with consequences don't mean a whole lot if your not willing to follow through. There is no understanding about my feelings, how I feel angry, hurt, betrayed, used etc... Everytime I bring it up, my DH just doesn't want to hear it anymore. So guess what happens, I don't talk about it and it just keeps building up. On top of the frusterations of being a stay at home mom of four younger children, money, bills etc.. Ladies & Gents I'm gonna blow one of these days very soon and I'm sure it's not going to be pretty.

I hate feeling this way and know this is not a good way to live your life.

If you made it to this point I apologize for the length (I trimmed it down a couple times before posting) and thank you for giving me your time. If anyone has any suggestions or comments or questions please let me know. Thanks