Thank you! That is awesome your skids are almost grown & thanks for the advice! I am disengaged with her and Dh is almost there too, but she is one of those bms with no boundaries. Showing up during our weeks and leaving presents for the skids on our porch (when they go back to her house in less than 24 hours!), fedexing a cell phone to our family vacation destination and calling the skids nonstop, delivering items they"forgot" at her house to us 2 and 3 times a week, texting and calling Dh frantically and showing up at his work pulling him out of a meeting when a bathing suit gets left at our house,etc. The skids have no accountability to remember the things they need and bm never helps them plan ahead (Dh has gotten way better about it), so we have way more contact than we need to. I told Dh-make a list each week and whatever doesn't show up doesn't get brought midweek, either way. The skids' lives are Sunday to Sunday, they need to get used to planning ahead and packing the shit they need without their parents dropping everything to make life happen for them during the off week. We (not so affectionately) call her smother, and I can definitely live without her 7:30 am text message demands to my Dh. I don't think the woman could make a plan to save her life. The only plans she seems to be focused on are making entitled wild princes out of skids on her weeks, and bugging Dh and I the rest of the time! Whenever Dh puts his foot down she throws a fit and threatens to take us back to court, and then we get some peace and quiet for a week or two.

Yes fed up and bio to 3! I agree! He has continually tried to set boundaries with BM but she is extremely manipulative and uses the children any way she can. All communication is under the guise of coparenting but if they don't get along and everything she says is a lie and she parents totally differently than we do, then what is there to talk about? Dh is the kindest sweetest most patient man on the planet and is just realizing how badly he has been bulldozed by BM and skids over the years....thanks in part to my commentary.

Dh finally realized how destructive the texting was becoming- About 6 weeks ago Dh and I were chaperoning a school trip and she texted Dh alllllllll day about a sports tournament that was during our time, she is on coach's email list, so really shouldn't even be a conversation since she can come spectate without communicating with Dh. That night Dh sent her an email that said his phone is for emergency use only and to email him from now on. Thank goodness! She sent a bitchy response alluding to taking us back to court, Which of course is now in writing:) she doesn't have a shot in hell and will look like an ass if she tries it.

Now we just have to get her to where she only shows up at our house once every week on Sunday when it is time to transfer the kids. I don't need a BM surprise on my porch when I'm leaving for work in the morning or any other time for that matter. It really feels like a violation when she shows up...I almost feel the need to tell her myself because maybe I will leave more of an impression (we never talk and she avoids me at all costs).... }:) don't want to cause waves with skids though...she is a big pas offender.

I'm trying not to take it out on Dh because I know he can't control her wacko behavior all the time when neither of us can guess what she will do next, but I guess I resent that these boundaries weren't set in stone way before I entered the picture. It makes our lovely life together feel like it has a big BM cloud over it.

Sorry ***step to 3

Great idea fed up. Luckily or unluckily we are in the same town as bm. If we went to get them and picked them up then we could take inventory in her drive way and the kids could run back in to smothers house if they forgot anything, in theory circumventing the whole BM reason to ambush. Dh can explain via email the reason for the change beforehand so maybe she will get it. I was envisioning chasing her off my porch with a broom, but your idea is much better.

yes, it was so good to hear that my instincts were right- that this is an invasion and doesn't need to be tolerated. Thank you everyone for weighing in. I'm usually pretty laid back and peaceful but BM pisses me off like no other. I never know if I am being completely irrational in my responses to her whacked behavior. We'll tell her that we'll come to her from now on in order to make sure we have everything we need for our week and so that BM doesn't have to be inconvenienced by making multiple trips to our house, which is also disruptive to our time with the kids.

Oldone-I'll keep the garden hose in mind as plan b..lol