You are here

Ding! Ding! Ding! Round Three!

hismineours's picture

So My husband goes to pick up his kids on Christmas day and she demands to know who's watching the kids while he is at work next week. He tells her he doesn't know (He knows, he just knows she'll want to argue about it since it will be my bs14 and I). She proceeds to remind him that she doesn't want my bs14 or I to watch thier kids, he doesn't say anything in regards to that but goes on to say (which is suprising for him, he hardly ever stands up to her) that since all she wants to do is argue that he will not communicate via phone, to just send an email or text if she has questions for him. She reminds him that she doesn't want to "deal" with me answering the phone when she calls to speak to the kids. He tells her that he will hand the phone to the kids when she calls to speak with them or I will answer and give the phone to kids...do you think this happened?...Nope!

All weekend she keeps calling demanding to speak with him to find out whos watching the kids. When she speaks to the kids she requests the kids to ask thier father whos watching them. So of course he communicates back to her via kids, instead of text or email like he originally requested, and tells them to tell her he doesn't know yet.

So Sunday at 5pm comes and he finally decides he will text his ex and let her know that my bs14 will be watching thier kids. Let the games begin!

Monday at 8am she calls our home phone, I've left for work and he's still there getting ready for work, he doesn't answer. She calls the home phone again at 815am, this time leaving a message demanding to talk to the kids. He text'd her telling her that the kids are not awake yet, but will leave a note for my son to have them call when they get up and to please quit calling the home phone. He heads off to work. She proceeds to call the home phone, his cell phone and work phone 6 more times before 916am! This time demanding to speak with my husband. My son awakens to the police knocking at our door at 921am! The police inform my son that the ex called informing them that young children were left at home unattended! WTF! So my son calls my husband to talk to the police. Basically the police said that it was fine for my son to watch the skids and no police report would be made. Meantime the skids are hiding because they said that thier mother told them that if she had to call the police on us that they would go to a foster home until she could come pick them up, and they were affraid to go to a foster home! At this point I'm furious that MY son has been put in the middle!

In the past, when the ex hasn't gotten her way, she has showed up at our house yelling and screaming, barged into my MIL/FIL house to argue, tried to open my husbands truck door to attack him and has threatened to call children services. So you can just imagine what I'm worrying about while I'm at work that my son may have to endure next since her police scheme didn't work!

...all the while she continues to call the home phone, work phone cell phone, etc leaving nasty messages like "you have no business watching my kids after what you've done to them" (um he's done nothing pyscho!)and calling my husband a "big fat lier" (what are we in 1st grade?!)She called a total of 12 times within 8 hrs.

I tried to have the police depart in which she works issue her a warning at her place of employment since all her calls were made from her work phone but they said that I would have to make a police report in the twp in which I live, and "they would go from there". My husband was all willing for me to make a police report after she called the police, but now that he has cooled off, he has burried his head in the sand once again and acts like it wouldn't be worth it. Even tho he has gotten better about sticking up for my kids and I (ecspecially this xmas with his parents getting in the middle) he still says "it doesn't matter what I say/do, it won't change anything" when I confront him about certain topics. He even transfers his calls from the ex to my cell phone because he doesn't want to deal with her and she calls less when its me that answers the phone. Why couldn't my husband just tell her from the beginning who was watching the kids? Why does he act like he's too affraid to say anything? Why can't he tell her to knock it off? Why can't he follow through when he does set boundaries and make her face some consequences? I want to make a police report because I am sick of my son and I being the target of her anger but I know this will just be another argument between my husband and I.

His sister is watching his kids tomorrow and as for the rest of the week, I guess I will take the week off and watch the skids. Theres no way I'm lettn my son go through this again!

Comments

Elizabeth's picture

I have to respectfully disagree with this. I think her son did a great job of keeping his head and dealing with the police. I guarantee you it is scary to be confronted with the police when you are 14! I was babysitting at 11. It all depends on the responsibility of the kid, not their age. SD is 16 and I STILL won't let her watch my two kids!

5577's picture

I agree with you Elizabeth, 14 is plenty old enough to watch the children alone all day. Obviously it is if the police even say so. I was babysitting at 11 also. It depends on the maturity of the child. You did nothing wrong by letting your son babysit. That woman seems like she is very controling and if she doesn't have control of the situation, she will do something to gain control. She proved that by calling the police. It's not up to her if you can watch his children or not, you are his wife now, not her if she doesn't like you watching the skids, too bad. As for her telling him that you can't answer the phone when she calls YOUR house, she's CRAZY!!! Let my DH's ex say that crap to me, I'll be putting her butt in it's place in an instant. I know that they are her children but now she's messing with YOUR child and that's crossing a line where you have the right to confront her because it isn't just between her and your husband anymore. I know people say to let DH handle it and not to get in the middle of his ex and him but she's messing with YOUR child and you have EVERY right!

hismineours's picture

Stepkids are 8 and 7. My husband makes his own hours and is only gone max 5 hours. One of our friends is a social worker and prior to him babysitting we asked what he thought, which he thought wasn't a big deal.

onehappygirl's picture

When the kids are with DH, it is none of BM's business who watches the kids. Does she really want him to get THAT involved in her business when SHE has the kids? Ignore her.

When the Wookie has the kids on her weeks, we do not interfere. When we have the kids on our weeks, we expect the same courtesy.
______________________________________

Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

Pantera's picture

I think its ridiculous. Something should be done. Your son should have never had to go through that with the police. I agree with onehappygirl, what goes on at your house is your business as long as the stepkids are taken care of.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

LizzieA's picture

She sounds like a controlling freak. Even when she knew what was going on, she continued to harass you all. So it wasn't just him not telling her who was watching the kids. If she pulls that when you are watching them, document it and tell DH you are not going to be harassed all day. She works for the police? How embarrassing would it be for her to become known as a psycho there? Hee hee.
By the way, 14 is fine to babysit. I had 14 year olds watch my infant and five year old. They had taken a course.

Sus's picture

My daughters babysat at 12 years old. My youngest babysat a 3 yr old and a newborn for a detective and his family. I wasn't crazy about her watching the newborn, but they felt she was competent since she had watched their toddler for 2 yrs. Starting at 1 yr old.
So I allowed it, but only so they could go for dinner. Since the infant was only 3 weeks old. She did fine. The detective & his wife were only a couple blocks from the house,and were gone a little over an hour.

Most counties have child care courses,(inquire where you live and ask) my daughter attended those before she started babysitting and recieved a certificate. Also was taught CPR.
Just to make things easier , maybe have your son, can take the courses and get the certificate it was cheap like 30.00 for both classes.
I see NOTHING wrong with a 14 yr old watching children of those ages especially if the teen is responsible,competent, like my daughter was.!

When my daughters(3) we small, 5 1/2, 11 mos.( i was pregnant too)..My babysitter, Patty was 12 also, she watched my kids oldest 5 1/2, 15 mos & a newborn, their entire lives. Until my children we pre-teens. She also was my mothers helper on weekends for years. Since the last two were only 15 months apart. She spent every weekend with us Friday till Sunday for about 6 years and almost all summer. It was a great experience for her.
She ( patty ) is now 42 years old. And a special ed teacher her entire adult life. Smile
By your Son taking the courses that could possibly help relieve BM of her fears and would be good in the eyes of a court or CPS if BM starts any BS again !!!

hismineours's picture

Yeah, he's already signed up for CPR at our community center. I'm a nurse and I've already gave him some basic knowledge on what to do in case of an emergency.

You would think that the ex knowing I'm a nurse would ease her mind when I watch her kids, but noooo, she still doesn't feel that I'm capable! She's even said to a court order mediator in so many words that since I have access and knowledge of certain meds that I would possibly try to make her kids sick!...first, like I'd ever do anything like that and secondly, like I would ever put my license in jeopardy like that...SHE needs meds!

hismineours's picture

Your right, he should take the time off and deal with his ex and kids but unfortunately now she wont stop bugging my son until she gets the kids back next week (due to the fact my son watched them yesterday and her plan to get him/I in trouble with the police failed). BS14 is off of school this week and the ex will keep calling my home and threatening him or even stop by. I know he is 14 but its like I want to protect him from anymore of her bad behavior. I would have him just stay with my his grandmother but she is out of town. Today for example, she knows that they are at his sisters, but she is still calling my home phone and leaving nasty messages!

Jsmom's picture

I hope you are documenting all of this. It sounds like you will have to go back to court to deal with her. She is harrassing at this point and that needs to be dealt with.

buttercookie's picture

She works at a police department? and carries on like this?? OMG

hismineours's picture

Opps! I can see where it looks like I wrote that she works at a police dept. I meant that I called the jurisdiction in which she works. She worksfor a company that is on a military base. Since she was using her federal company phone/federal company time to harrass us, I was hoping the police might be willing to make a visit to her company notifying them of the situation, and in turn the company/police would issue her a warning. Sorry about the miscommunication! : )