This is O/T, so I am sorry. I spent the last couple of days in the hospital with my mother. She has had congestive heart failure for several years, but Monday night she passed out at the wheel. My legally-blind grandfather was able to stop the car, and thankfully they were on a residential street. She's been in the hospital since then. They're going to put in a defibrillator, and take away her driver's license for a while. She's freaking out about working (she has two jobs, which I believe is the cause of most of her stress), and my family wants me to move back in with her to drive her to work for the time being. I don't want to. I feel like I might as well be driving her to further heart failure. I know she needs to pay bills, but she will continue to put her health on the back-burner until everything is 'paid off'--which it NEVER will be.

I've spent the last couple of days (and nights) watching her being stuck with needles, given transfusions to thicken her blood, and cry about her job. I want to support her, but it is making me so mad. She keeps crying, and I feel awful. I know she's exhausted and an emotional wreck (she feels like she almost killed her parents--which is kinda true), so I've just been supportive and quiet about my frustrations. I want her to get better.

I came home last night (I live about an hour and a half away from the city where she lives and the hospital). I slept like the dead. This morning I woke up and one of the stray kittens I feed was dead. Someone hit it last night. I dug a hole and buried it this morning. I cried so much I couldn't see straight, because I had intended to catch them and take them to the shelter after the New Year. I feel so drained. I came to work today and no one was here. I guess it's a good thing, because I don't want to interact with anyone right now.