Does your DH spend one on one time with SD? I've always thought spending one on one time with your children, even if in a nuclear family is just as important as spending time together as a whole. It allows for a more personal relationship with that person.

My next thought would be does BM make comments in front of SD or to SD about you and DH's relationship, or his relationship with his daughter? Our BM used to say things to the skids like "Daddy has a new family now." I'm sure that even though some time has passed since she's said these things, they still stick in their minds and played a major roll at how the skids viewed me and my kids when me and BF moved in together.

However, I don't think that a parent/child love is the same love as an adult love. While I'm sure that he loves you both more than anything in this world....it's a different "type" of love...Kwim?

______________________________________
“Got Boundaries?” ~BitchBitchBarbie~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dmbz8LpQry0

Maybe he could try to explain to her that he loves you equally but differently? Maybe he could explain this concept to her.

Maybe he could say, The relationship I have with you vs. the relationship I have with HeadOverHeels are two different things. That does not mean I love you any less. I get an immense sense of pride when I see you treat HeadOverHeels with respect, when you do well in school, when you achieve personal milestones, and when you treat others with respect."

You ought to have DH look up parental alienation syndrome. That is when one parent tries to alienate the child(ren) from the other parent.

You said that you and DH spend quality time with her when she is over. Perhaps you could allow them to have some one-on-one time without you present. That way, SD can have some time to bond with just her Dad. You should also check out this article:

http://www.steptogether.org/kidhaspoint.html

Maybe you could consider spending one-on-one time with SD when she is with you also, and having these chats with her. I hope this helps.

Yes - he needs to explain what anon posted. - you are loved equally but they are two different kinds of love.

Creature makes these sorts of comments frequently. She's never out and out asked the question, but she'll say things like "daddy, the male and female cardinals are like you and me. they love each other most". Dh just responds with "The male and female cardinal love each other like soverysad and I love each other. I love you, but daddies love their daughters different than I love Soverysad". Like your sd she pouts about it. In fact, she pouts and sulks anytime anyone disagrees with her assessment of a situation or anytime someone doesn't focus 100% of their attention on her. I find it exasperating but mostly ignore it. If she'd rather pout and sulk than go play and have fun, that is up to her. The only time I address it is if said pouting is intrusive in what dh and I are doing, in which case dh or I say "Please go to your room until you've finished pouting".

She gets plenty of one-on-one time, so we feel no guilt about not lavishing her with constant attention. Her problem is she is used to every adult in her life falling all over her and she HATES that I won't do it, so she tries to compete for dh's attention every minute of the day (only with me, she is fine keeping herself busy if he is working, on the phone, etc.).

My advice to you is don't let it get under your skin or she'll sense it and keep the issue going. As long as dh assures her he loves her and spends time with her, there is nothing you can do to change her feelings. Let her feel what she feels, but address and inappropriate behavior.

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"