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SD's all over DH..Is this normal??

Hapifutr2628's picture

Submitted by Hapifutr2628 on Wed, 10/16/2013 - 7:34am

His daughters are 10 & 12... Him and I will be sitting on the couch, and no matter what they are doing, once they see this, they come over and lay all over him. Daddy can you rub my back, daddy cuddle with me, daddy daddy. They still ask to be carried to bed! And he does it! Is this normal or am I the wicked SM because this seriously makes me nauseous.

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Hapifutr2628's picture

Submitted by Hapifutr2628 on Wed, 10/16/2013 - 10:30am

It's crazy! I can maybe see the 10 yr old, but the 12 yr old is worse! And you are right, I do feel that they do this show who is more important, or who is boss. Like they are trying to tell me that he is all theirs. I want to just get up off the couch and go in the other room, but I don't want him to get upset, and I don't want them to feel as thought hey have won.

Hapifutr2628's picture

Submitted by Hapifutr2628 on Wed, 10/16/2013 - 7:54am

It's crazy! I can maybe see the 10 yr old, but the 12 yr old is worse! And you are right, I do feel that they do this show who is more important, or who is boss. Like they are trying to tell me that he is all theirs. I want to just get up off the couch and go in the other room, but I don't want him to get upset, and I don't want them to feel as thought hey have won.

Wonderwoman71's picture

Submitted by Wonderwoman71 on Wed, 10/16/2013 - 8:58am

ugggg, yes my 14 yr old sd does it too...he will be next to me and she comes and hugs him from behind. before she would come and sit on his lap that would make me sick...and I did pointed out that there was more chairs for her to sit down and he did move her over...but yes, if I wasnt there he would allow it and since him and I are still together but living in seperate homes since october, i feel things have gotten worst with their behavior since we are in seperate homes. I love my husband and the things that i feared with my husband I no longer fear but I still cant stand the way he's bio kids act.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Wed, 10/16/2013 - 9:21am

I would not even be remotely able to handle this crap. I don't know how you ladies do it. It's bad enough that my SD15 texts DH constantly like she's some jealous girlfriend or something, but thankfully, they have never been close enough that they really even hug or anything. I would flip my shit with this sitting on laps, laying all over, massages, barf.. just barf.

itsmylifetoo's picture

Submitted by itsmylifetoo on Wed, 10/16/2013 - 8:58am

There is a lot of research out there on family system dynamics, explaining what happens when parents divorce. When there is an empty "position" in a family system, someone will commonly step up and take that place. Parents who dont know any better and dont understand the harm will frequently allow a child to take somewhat of a spousal role. They feel that both the child and their emotional needs are being met in a difficult time. It poses a huge problem in the dynamics, especially when the parent finds a new partner. I sit in therapy with both parents who are struggling to have a relationship in this situation and "children," (21-25) who feel they are entitled to the role and drive a wedge between the couple. I would do what an above poster suggested and research, print some things out, gently ask dh to look at it with you.

Hapifutr2628's picture

Submitted by Hapifutr2628 on Wed, 10/16/2013 - 10:37am

Yes! When we first got together and were in an apt, I slept on the couch for a year while is then 9yr old slept with him! Unfortunately that accompanied with the BM's BS, maybe that foundation set the tone for what is to come.

HungryEyes's picture

Submitted by HungryEyes on Wed, 10/16/2013 - 9:19am

fSD did this stuff for about 1 month after we started living together. I never even had to say anything. FDH put a stop to it. That's the important part is having a father who will say 'No. Get off.' Now, if fDH and I are cuddling on the couch, fSD 6 will come over and lay next to me to try to get some love but no longer jumps between us or tries to sit on her Dad's lap.

LaLaLaaa's picture

Submitted by LaLaLaaa on Wed, 10/16/2013 - 10:42am

hmmmm....Im gonna say no its not quite normal...if they were around 4-5 then yeah I wouldn't see anything wrong...But they obviously are doing it on purpose WHEN you go sit next to dh. And especially 12y old...its Inappropriate...its like they are trying to take your place?? which is weird!!....And what!?!?! He still carries them to bed!?!?! He is at fault here too! he needs to tell them "No!"...All these things aren't normal and if he doesn't say No it may damage SDs in the long run...

Hapifutr2628's picture

Submitted by Hapifutr2628 on Wed, 10/16/2013 - 10:53am

Thank you. This stuff has been bothering me so much. It's nice to get others feedback. Just last night...Daddy, will you carry me to bed from both of them and he does it! I mean his 12 yr old is as tall as me! I have just thought that if I say something to him it might hurt his feelings, or make him feel like a bad father. I just want to approach it in a way to be sensitive to his feelings. But what I really want to say is are you f'ing serious? Carrying them to bed? WTF is wrong with you?