So as I posted a week ago, my exH filed for mediation for 50/50 custody. He moved 6 blocks from my home two months ago with his gf and her 3 FT girls and one that comes and goes as she pleases. He says it's to spend time with his kids, but in reality it's mostly to get his CS lowered by gaining overnights. He is supposed to cover our three kids under insurance but was fired from his job so my DH stepped up and added my bios to his insurance plan that cover us and skids. My BS8 has a developmental delay and is having weekly therapy sessions that require a 200 mile round trip for an hour of therapy and then home therapy administered by me 5-6 times a week. He has struggled with school for the last three years and my DH and I have been actively meeting with the school during this time trying to identify how to help him. This diagnosis of a delay was discovered in July and my DH and I have been the ones who make the weekly trip. There has been success and it does seem to be helping him. However during this time the school also started evaluating him for special education assistance and LDs. The school psychologist called me today and we have to have a meeting regarding that my son does have a LD and we need to sit with the school and set goals and a plan on how to help him. This breaks my heart. My son works so hard on his therapy and he is noticing a difference and that it is helping, and I have no issue with him getting help from the school also, but I honestly think with all of this that the tossing the kid back and forth between the homes EOW is going to make things more difficult for him, and will exacerbate his struggles. My exH isn't very supportive and cooperative when it comes to helping BS succeed and stay with his class in school (and ex is a teacher!) because he wants BS to get held back so he would be 18 for his entire Sr yr in HS for sport reasons (love my kid, but he's not the next football, hockey, or bball phenom).

I know my ex wants his support lowered. I don't really need the support to take care of my kids. However, I know that with out being court ordered to pay CS my exH would not support the kids much at all. He is very self centered and narcissistic. He can spend hundreds on new tattoos he's recently started splashing all over his body, but can't come up with $20 to put in a card when he sends one of our kids to a birthday party for a friend. So the CS is mostly for principle. To say, YOU made three babies with me. YOU wanted all three children. NONE of them were unplanned. YOU told me if I didn't have a third (my sweet sweet son) we would have MAJOR marriage issues (I had miscarried and didn't want to go through it all again, we had been blessed with two...why be selfish?) and so I agreed to a third (even though we were already having MAJOR marriage issues as YOU were involved in a long term affair with my close friend unbeknownst to me at the time). When you chose to have children they need to come before your wants at times. You have a responsibility to support them emotionally AND financially.

However, although I'm really not sure he will get this modification he is requesting as the schedule the kids have is 3 1/2 yrs established and they live in the only home they have known and they all do well, I won't say I'm not worried about it happening. I don't think EOW would be in the best interest of my children. I don't think it would benefit my son with all he faces as it is. I am considering calling my ex and asking to meet with me. The mediator suggested we try to come to a solution rather than go to court, but I am not willing to agree to EOW. So I want to offer an agreement. If I drop the CS by half or even all together with the understanding that he will be expected to assist with things the kids need. My son's therapy costs $115 out of pocket for the therapist, on top of travel expenses and missed work that is unpaid by my employer. I would agree to this if he agreed to help out when asked, and to agree not to drag us to court again. I am fairly certain he would agree to this, unless he thinks he may be able to get CS from me if he has EOW. I'm not sure. I'm fairly certain live in gf doesn't really want my kids there EOW but she doesn't appreciate that exH pays CS leaving less for him to spend on her and support her kids (from more than one father, all deadbeats, as is she, although in fairness she seems to be starting to try to get her shit together, however the hook up with my exH was because he could support her and she had no $$ and was getting kicked out of her living space at that time, and no vehicle and thought exH was better off financially than he really is).

So fellow steps, both full time and part time...what do you think about my idea? My DH is fully onboard and supportive of doing this. He feels that it wouldn't be good for the kids, but most importantly BS. He says he doesn't care about the CS if it makes it that we don't have to deal with court crap and such we will take care of the kids ourselves. THe other side is that I don't know I can trust exH to hold up his end of the bargain either.

Advice and thoughts please.