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Child support is going up

Gunner's picture

Submitted by Gunner on Wed, 07/19/2017 - 2:14pm

I guess my ex didn't take to well to me letting her know the extra money was going bye bye after all. She sent me an email "giving" me the opportunity to work this out ourselves before she files. I sent it to my lawyer and while he thinks her numbers are slightly off he agrees that child support will go up and since I set precedent by giving her the extra money he thinks I will be ordered to continue to pay it. He advised me to continue paying it to avoid court fees. I also get no credit for my kids and ex living in my house since it is in the divorce decree and part of the settlement agreement. I'm really getting pissed at everyone having their hand in my pocket.

Comments

Gunner's picture

Submitted by Gunner on Wed, 07/19/2017 - 2:33pm

I don't want her to file for more child support. I've decided to continue to pay her what I was before and she agreed not to file.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Wed, 07/19/2017 - 2:29pm

So, work it out with your ex. Tell her things are going back to the way they were, with you paying the extra. That's what you wanted to do anyway, which is why you were doing it, until you let your wife tell you what to do with your money.

So, what's going on with the wife? Is she still trying to manipulate you into paying her bills?

Gunner's picture

Submitted by Gunner on Wed, 07/19/2017 - 2:37pm

My wife is only talking to me in therapy right now. She's pissed about my ex, about me not paying for her kids to go to private school, she didn't pay her car loan or her student loan this month and now she has late fees. She can afford to pay for private school herself but that means she will have no and she is balking at that. I told her to get child support and she'll have more so now I'm back to the couch.

notsobad's picture

Submitted by notsobad on Wed, 07/19/2017 - 2:30pm

This is all too common in divorces.

One party thinks they are doing the right thing or being the bigger person and gives way more than they should. It can be money or driving time or vacations or which schools the kids attend, anything really.
Then they come to their senses and oops too late, now you've got a statue quo to maintain.

Some of the best advice I've read on here is Start as you plan to go forward. Set the boundaries and rules right at the beginning of the separation and stick to them. It works out for the best in the end.

Gunner's picture

Submitted by Gunner on Wed, 07/19/2017 - 2:40pm

I didn't mind but I don't like that she threatened to take me to court when I pulled back my funds. My lawyer basically said to pay it and shut up so things stay status quo.

robin333's picture

Submitted by robin333 on Wed, 07/19/2017 - 3:11pm

You've been played all this time by your Ex Gunner. Your wife saw it and naturally had a problem with you supporting your Ex. That will breed some very deep resentment (as you have experienced).

Gunner's picture

Submitted by Gunner on Wed, 07/19/2017 - 2:39pm

Do you not live in reality? A judge isn't going to take custody from a good mother and give them to me no matter how good of a father I am. It doesn't happen.

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Wed, 07/19/2017 - 2:48pm

Curiosity has me going to ask. You were giving BM $1000 a month. If she files for the potential increase, what would the new CS be? The old amount along with the $1000 more and basically stays the same, or the old amount, the additional $1000 and now even more?

Second curiosity question. If the vehicle your wife drives was purchased after marriage, but her loan and name on title, do you take a hit on credit yourself being legally married (marital property and all that jazz)?

Gunner's picture

Submitted by Gunner on Wed, 07/19/2017 - 3:58pm

It would be a little more than child support plus the extra money given. Since I am paying for private school it could go either way. If private school isn't considered because I insisted they go and have always paid the full amount my lawyer thinks it won't count, then I may owe more, if private school is counted it will go down. He personally said he wouldn't risk court over it. I'm not on her loan so it wouldn't touch me either way unless they pulled money from a joint account and ours are closed.

Ninji's picture

Submitted by Ninji on Wed, 07/19/2017 - 2:42pm

That sucks. I certainly don't have the financial means that you seem to, but do get sick of handing hard earned money over to a capable adult.

Pharlap's picture

Submitted by Pharlap on Wed, 07/19/2017 - 2:42pm

I don't see a judge ordering to continue on he extras. Those types of payments without a court order are considered a "gift" usually. But stranger things have happened. YMMV too. I live in a Pretty pro 50/50, both parents are equal jurisdiction. Wouldn't hurt to get a second opinion.

Gunner's picture

Submitted by Gunner on Wed, 07/19/2017 - 3:46pm

When I wrote my child support check every month I included the extra and labeled the whole check child support which is why my attorney doesn't believe it would be considered a gift.

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Wed, 07/19/2017 - 5:59pm

Then start paying with two checks. One labeled child support and the other with no label, maybe even vary the amount slightly each month do it doesn't look like a regular payment. Then in a year or so stop paying or reduce the second check and hopefully your ex cannot use the same argument in court.

Or you could just negotiate with your ex remembering that it will cost her money to go to court too so a reduction in the extras could be cheaper for her than a court case.

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Wed, 07/19/2017 - 2:51pm

Yes. We tell new posters to advise their SO's to end all extras or gifts asap because once it becomes a regular thing, a judge will add it on top of child support such as providing daycare. Hey Gunner does your Ex and Current wife look alike too because they both have the same mentality when it comes to you providing for them above and behind. Avoid that type on the next go-round.

Gunner's picture

Submitted by Gunner on Wed, 07/19/2017 - 3:44pm

Because I wrote one check and labeled it by month and wrote child support on it he believes it will be considered child support. I think he is pretty aggressive and honest.

moeilijk's picture

Submitted by moeilijk on Wed, 07/19/2017 - 3:51pm

You know, I am not an American and yet I would know not to do that. Because I watched People's Court once.

robin333's picture

Submitted by robin333 on Wed, 07/19/2017 - 3:52pm

Start separating into two checks. One with child support written on it, the other I screwed you tax written on it.

Please don't remarry until your youngest is finished with graduate school.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Wed, 07/19/2017 - 4:09pm

That last concussion must have made me psychic. I KNEW OP would continue paying his ex the same amount. :O

freebird's picture

Submitted by freebird on Wed, 07/19/2017 - 4:06pm

I would call her bluff on this.

Unless your income has gone up significantly since your divorce, the child support shouldn't change much.

What does she mean by 'work this out'? Does she mean you continue to pay her the extra money? Or did she offer something less?

That sucks. Your wife and ex-wife both upset with you over the same issue....

Here's a thought- maybe you gradually wean her off the extra money? Maybe that would allow her more time to get her finances in order and prevent her from going to court? :?

freebird's picture

Submitted by freebird on Wed, 07/19/2017 - 4:17pm

I say this with the assumption that she was serious about 'working something out'. I'm sure she doesn't want to get off the Gunner Gravy Train! Smile

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Wed, 07/19/2017 - 4:24pm

Sorry about this turn of events, gunner. We got similar advice from MY accountant I took dh to. He had been giving BM cahs for child care and extras. She told him to at least write out a check and label it and keep a record.

This has been a rough year for you so far.

Your current wife should not be acting the way she does. It's ok to be angry at your spouse but the words she said are not excusable. They were truth revealed. I hope you see the truth about her soon.

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Wed, 07/19/2017 - 5:00pm

Hence:

ALWAYS follow the court order. Don't give extras, don't offer TO give extras. Dont hint or suggest to maybe 'give extras'.

Dont ask for changes don't give changes.

Gunner I also believe we told you to stop paying for your current step kids private school too.

The step kids have a bio dad. Doubt he is a crack head. Your wife has decided that YOU are a better $$$$$$ dad for her kids thus has set yet another precedence inside your home.

You can tell current wife you will no longer pay for another mans kids. She should file for support from her x.

Good Luck and hope this works out. Not so sure if I care for your lawyers advise.
Most states have a Child support calculator---look yours up and punch in the numbers.

She may be bluffing you.