Off Topic- Just rip it out from under me.

Hi guys...

My SO and I have had on/off arguments about money & the awkward situation with his family. After an argument or a disagreement, my SO "punishes" me. My SO's excuse for not doing anything nice for me is because of our arguments and he doesn't argue with me so they aren't his fault. I pick all of the fights...money, family issues, step kid issues etc. Which funny enough the issues stem from his side of things. Not mine, by no means am i perfect, but I manage my money well, my family is good to him and there is no drama.

I am a simple person, I don't ask for much, if anything at all. Of course I can have my moments just like anyone else. But a normal person, that wants a plan, structure, stability and a partner. When our relationship hit a level high- he was motivated switched jobs, we were on the same page we talked about trying to have a baby, marraige etc. All this build up for a future, a plan...etc.

I can't really put into words what I've done for this man and his child but its been a lot. Money, time, effort ... and I've done all this because I love him and his daughter and its just my nature. And if we were planning for a child and going to be together? It would be helping us right, not just him.

I think I just hit a level of exhaustion with him this weekend, I give, I give, I give. Take care of the house, groceries, take care of his daughter, I do little surprises for both of them on a regular basis. I leave him notes, pack his lunch and keep up with the laundry. This weekend he got his deer, I offered to come out help, I dragged it out with him, sat with him while he butchered it and he asked me to help.

It literally hit me out of nowhere- would i normally help yes. But it just hit me, it will never be enough, there will always be an expectation to do more. And he does nothing for me. No romantic gestures, we rarely go out , no flowers no nothing. And its all because " i fight with him & don't deserve it".

Well last night hes like you need to start taking birth control, I'm not bringing another child into this world and f&%king it up like I've already done with my first kid. So I am good enough to take care of his daughter, my time,my money, but not good enough to have my own.

You said you couldn't see your life with me out, family, forever..... But now I'm not good enough, no family, no forever just rip it out from under me. And just like that.

Here I am, I feel diminished as a woman, I feel lost.

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He just gave you a gift, and

He just gave you a gift, and your realization of the gift should give you all you need to move on without doubts.

You may feel lost but honey

You may feel lost but honey keep your head up and find yourself again. I'm assuming you want to get married and want your own family...if he doesn't want these things what are you going to do about it? What are you going to do to take charge and live YOUR best life? Don't sit in a pity party for too long. You have decisions to make and if he's not compatible with you and complimenting you in anyway, its time to make some moves and get it together.

Sending you virtual hugs. You got this!

Yes... is is a gift.. the

Yes... is is a gift.. the gift of clarity.

He has been honest with you. He need/wants help raising his child. He doesn't want the responsibility.. he wishes he didn't have it. He doesn't want any more. You are on notice that if you have a child with him.. he will likely check out and "punish you".

Don't stay in a punative relationship that isn't going to meet your needs. You already know he is too selfish.

^^^ THIS!

I understand you are hurt, but when someone shoes (and tells!) you who they truly are -- believe them! He just showed you exactly who he is and it is not someone who makes you feel loved or even considered. He is someone who is using you for sex and babysitting.

Take his advice and get on birth control immediately (or better yet stop having sex with this a**!) and begin planning your exit. You will be so much happier in the end, even if it doesn't feel good at all right now.

As painful as it may be, this

As painful as it may be, this guy has just done you a favor. He has made it crystal clear that it's time for you to move on and find a guy whose goals are more in line with yours - someone with whom you can have a give and take rather than give give give. Now you need to act on it. Leave the drama, the selfishness and the blame and find yourself a real partner. Be good to yourself.

Someone I loved once gave me

Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.

Yes, he has given you a gift. This man has been using you as a housekeeper, bedwarmer, skidsitter, and ATM. That is ALL he wants from you. He doesn't buy you gifts because he's a cheap POS who sees you as the hired help.

Take your 'gift' and walk away.

Thank you for your tough love

Thank you for your tough love and kind words. It just hurts.

I have kept hoping for change,I think he just wants me to make the decision so I'm the bad guy....I decided to work late tonight so I can formulate a plan.

I can't move out right away, I'm fixing my truck first. I commute for work. And work is my number 1 priority. If he moves out the rent is 1200.00 and the lease isn't up until June. I can afford it, but it will be tight.

If I can some how disengage to save my self a couple thousand of dollars, I may try to do that. His daughter comes over tomorrow, I'm sure that will drive the knife deeper.

Of course he wants YOU to be

Of course he wants YOU to be the bad guy.

He is not going to change. Hon, he has shown you who and what he is. Believe him. Life is too short to be this unhappy. Love yourself more than this... poor exuse for a man.

So his daughter comes over tomorrow. Why do you have to be there every minute that she is? The girl is there to spend time with her father. Do something nice for YOURSELF. Frankly, oral surgery sounds better than staying with him.

Do what you need to do to leave ASAP. Do you have any family who could help you?

Yes your right, its not a

Yes your right, its not a priority to be at home with his daughter anymore...top it off he has her this weekend too. I may just stay late at work again.

To be perfectly honest, I think with his recent promotion he was just going to save enough money to leave anyway. Or there is someone else. Not really sure, not caring at this point.

I have family around, but I don't want to burden them....im sure you understand. I made my bed, I have to lie in it...at least until I can get my shit a little more together.

Work late, go to the

Work late, go to the bookstore, play Solitaire on your phone in the park... Sounds like most anything would be more pleasant.

Are you able to swing the rent if he leaves? And if you suspect he's seeing someone else, I hope you're either NOT having sex or using protection (like a tank...).

BTDT with making my bed and and lying in it. Just make sure you are SAFE.

He gave you a gift, I agree.

He gave you a gift, I agree. It will hurt still though. It's never nice to feel so used by someone you thought truly loved you.

Whose name is the lease in? Do you think he will move or will you have to move? Who lived their first? You can always find a roomate to help w/the lease if he moves out. Keep in mind it may take him some time to do so...and he may 'love bomb' you to keep his good thing going after you told him you want to be done....and you'l be thinking -that's it, it's the change I've been waiting for~ it will be a temporary lie.

I dont think he will love

I dont think he will love bomb me...hes not really all that lovey anyway. He will probably move out because he doesn't want to be at the house anymore. The last couple of weeks hes just left because he doesn't want to be at home with me....its been fun.

Well at this point we aren't

Well at this point we aren't having sex anyway. I'm not 100% sure if someone else is in the picture....I mean he is disconnecting one step at a time:: stop asking about my family you'll never have a relationship with them anyway,no sex, no touching and now im not hearing from him during the day. When I use too all the time... i guess whats done is done.

I'm so sorry. Please forgive

I'm so sorry. Please forgive me if I sounded insensitive (trying to "talk" to you and talk on the phone at work).

I know it hurts when a relationship ends. I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that this man is NOT good enough for you. You deserve much better than this caca. Someone who is eager for you to be part of his life, for you to truly be his partner. Someone who is eager to introduce you to his family and his friends. Someone who treats you like a queen. THAT is what you deserve. {{{hugs}}}

Dang, then yeah sounds like

Dang, then yeah sounds like he is done. I would push HIM to move out then. There very well could be someone else in the picture. Start looking for roomates now I'd say.

I dont like people lol. I'll

I dont like people lol. I'll probably just end up toughing it out and stay there alone. I don't think I have to push, for all I know he could be gone when I get home....or hes just waiting until he has money saved. Thats probably the more realistic view...

Stay strong. Learn from this poo, and don't lose yourself in someone else's life next time. Onward and upward!

Thank you, it has been a very

Thank you, it has been a very odd relationship. Im working on my plan.