You know it is bad when...
You know it is bad when you go to Parent Teacher Conferences and the teacher lets out a big sigh and admist your conversations tell you "You have your hands full with her". Great. Just Great. Plus teachers talk in code you know...they don't tell you the full story because you hate to hear that your little one is the devil in disguise! SD8 had her conference, and the same day was sent to the office for interupting the class as well as being diobedient. Now during the week, she was talked to about her interupptions and the very next day, she continuously interrupts her teacher and to the point where this teacher, sends her to the office. So again, the little tyrant of a SD is on punishment until Monday. Her dad is making her do nothing but her multiplication tables until she comes off. We don't know what else to do but keep practicing what we preach. Ughhh...how fustrating...but yet - the teacher did validate some things that I always said like "SD8, always wants to have it her way", that "She always wants to be right", and "She always blames her faults on others". So, she has some major catching up to do in the social aspect. Here we go again!
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Thankfully
At this point in the game, I don't. Although I tend to wonder how he will hold up because he is getting worn out with SD8 and her behavior issues.
Been There
That sounds like a recording of our last PTC! Except BM lied about my husband and I at our last conference. We have another one coming up next week. I hope to God it goes better!
Same here
My SD4 is only in preschool and it is already starting...she is good for the most part, but she isolates herself from the other kids, always has to be right and "in charge", and won't share during group activities such as blocks, legos, etc.
My DH wanted to have her tested for early kindergarten admission because she is incredibly intelligent and only misses the age cutoff by 8 days...but the teachers said no because of her social development. She has been so spoiled by BM since the divorce (BM basically keeps her all to herself) that the poor kid can't interact with other kids her own age now!
Social development of Skids
I do think that some Skids, especially if they were the only child for a long while lacks the developmental skills to maintain a healthy relationship with friends at school. Although we know that most kids when they get at age 8 always have issues with "who's their best friends" for the day, but there are some other things to look out for to see if they are developing socially. SD8 has always been behind the game, but she wants to be - its like she knows what she is supposed to be doing, but chooses not to. She doesn't want to grow up.
sounds just like my SD8
we started getting comments like this during her first week of kindergarten.
Unfortunately, this year her teacher is an inneffective pushover so it's been a difficult year. Has been suspended yet this year for lying, or wandering off, or stealing other stuff but got caught yesterday cheating on homework and insisting that she didn't know that she ws cheating. Teacher, BM and DH really don't want to address anything and she's been horrible. But in her mind she never does anything wrong.
She stared at my husband for 60 minutes this week saying she "forgot" how many minutes were in a hour and couldn't do her homework. She will fish for any sort of attention and control she can get.
She doesn't have close friends unless she can completely dominate them, which doesn't leave a lot of options. She stole money from her last "best" friend. Unfortunately too probably her best friend is my BD7 who follows her like a puppy most of the time.
Ohhh, the horror
Thank goodness my BD8 is a bit older and frankly thinks so little of SD8 that she would never be her friend. They play together when they have no one else, but it quickly turns into my daughter going to her room to play by herself. I'd be horrified if she looked up to SD! Yikes - good luck!!
The horror, is right...
I do have a BD, but she is only 8months. Thank heavens that the age difference is so major that I hope she doesn't start to take after the SD. I'm trying to monitor that as much as I can without "controlling" the situation. My SD has also been having issues since the begining, because of an unfortunate foudation...but ever since we have gotten her - she has had some problems. We're working them out, but every year she gets older the more difficult it becomes.
i know, I hate it
My BD7 is the sweetest kid- really gentle hearted, kind, giving. It makes me ill to watch SD8 stomp all over her.
BD7 knows what a little witch she can be too. This weekend she got a talking to about how she was being disrespectufl and mean to BD6. "Why are you talking to your sister like she's dirt on the floor? Who talks to you that way?"
"SD8"
They know she lies, steals, etc. We talk about it but they're kids so they get past that stuff and are more in the moment most of the time.
BD7 gets it but she's a mellow kid and just goes with the flow, usually. Last night the poor thing cracked and sobbed her heart out because of a power struggle over goggles- SD wants all the best stuff all the time and will spare no amount of effort, manipulation, threats etc. to make sure she gets it. BD7 is usually not tied to stuff but last night you could tell that she was just tired to being "used" all the time. It's all I can do to not use SD8 as the poster child for all bad behavior most of the time.
I feel horrible sometimes that there is nothing about this child that is admirable. Nothing. And she lives with me and my kids 50% of the time. Ick.
That's so sad
My BD's personality has changed since SD came into the picture. She used to be this outgoing, fun-loving, nothing's gonna stop me, kind of kid. Now she just hangs in her room and tries to stay away from SD as much as possible. I feel like SD has robbed me of a good marriage and stolen my kids from me because they're so different now and they're always hiding out. Really she's robbed me of everyone that is important to me. My mom won't come around if she's here (so she doesn't get to see her grandkids as much anymore), my friends won't bring their kids over to play anymore... man, how depressing!
We've noticed the friend thing too
SD8 cannot keep friends at all. She also does not call them, she just likes to be all in our faces and making us miserable. She has no social life. She gets invited over for a play date and doesn't get invited back. We had some mutual friends that we went over to their home a lot, and suddenly we don't get invited back anymore...and I really think that it has to do with her. We'll get invited to adult things, but not where all the kids are togehter anymore. Go figure huh?
At least you only have 50%
At least you only have her 50% of the time. Mine is a full time event. However, yours are very close in age, so you have the sibling rivalry - MAGNIFIED...because of SD's issues. I do feel for you. You can't separate them or occupy their time more when SD is there?
Technically 50%
But in actuality, she sleeps at her moms 6 nights in every 14 day period, but even during her mom's weeks, I have her after school, I take her to soccer, church, scouts, etc. The only time her own parents spend with her is dinner, bath, and bed. So no one else really sees what a monster she is. PLUS she's an only child, so her parents just assume that all 8 year olds crawl on the dining room table during the middle of a meal, or whatever shocking thing she gets away with.
My DH commented how, before they moved in, I was like the koolaid mom. I always had kids over and now I don't. I didn't have the heart to tell him that his daughter is the reason. Seriously, kids will come to the door, say "Is SD here?" If I say no, they'll sigh a big sigh of relief and ask if they can come in and play with my biokids. If I say yes, they turn and run and holler back "tell biokids to come to my house to play". It would be funny if it weren't so sad.
You're right though, I do get SIX glorious nights every two weeks of her not falling out of her chair at dinner or soaking the entire bathroom during her bath or whatever. Blissful...
serena, I hear you
I'm starting to wonder if this kid is going to casue the end of everything. My kids personalities haven't changed but they just get shafted by this little brat so much it pains me to watch. My DH sees it a little, but of course, he's got the daddy goggles on. My family is still involved but I keep them at arms length. There are only sleepovers at Gma's house for my BD's- I would NEVER inflict the SD's on my mothher!
I was thinking this morning how her personality and my dislike of it is starting to make me into the evil step mom. She's been such a witch lately that this morning she's stomping around the house coughing and my first 2 thoughts are that 1) she's faking or 2) good, she deserves it. I felt horrible! I have no maternal instinct towards this child. I wouldn't even share my water bottle with her last night after my BD's both shared it. That's how bad its gotten.
Sleepovers
are sooo hard anymore. My kids and my mom used to be so close, but my mom won't watch SD unless it's an emergency. She hates giving up that time with my kids, but like she says, she'd be giving it up even if they were all there because SD is so horrible, she takes all my mom's attention.
I totally know how you feel about your feelings toward her. I got gum out last week and my kids asked if they could have some. I gladly gave them some. Then SD asked. I, of course, gave her some, but I didn't want to. I just don't like her and I wanted to stamp my foot like a two year old and not share my gum. What is wrong with me?!?!? That is sooo not the person I am!
i know!
last night I was ticked because again, this SD8 would not eat dinner. But then she won't eat anything that's not covered in sugar or cheese or is highly processed. I almost made all the kids eat oatmeal this morning, which SD8 hates, rather than the normal cereal or waffles to drive home the point about healthy food and eating what's prepared for you. I don't want to be the evil SM and I'm not to SD11 but there's no winning with this kid. Anything you give her is never enough. She's never wrong and nothing is ever, ever her fault. She's turning out to be exactly like her BM and that's scares the crap out of me.
Holy cow
we have the same SD!! Big food issues too. Won't touch a tomatoe or spaghetti sauce to save her life, but will use a french fry like a spoon to shovel globs of ketchup in her mouth.
What's this?? Havarti cheese?? Where's my Velveeta!?!? EWWW, why isn't my fish battered and deep fat fried like Long john Silvers?? My mom always lets me put extra sugar right out of the bowl into my kool aid!!
~shudder~
we must have the same BM
the girls eat nothing but McDonalds and Old Country Buffet at BMs. Every lunch includes vitamin P, Pringles, and a great vegetable, a dill pickle. That's it. BM truly thinks that carrots consipate the kids. Needless to say I'm the nutrion nazi and don't stand for any of that bs. The poor girls come home and literally detox for a few days. SD8 ate 5 cuties and 2 bananas her first day home this week. The first taste of natural food in over week. Grrr.
Ditto
We must have the same SD8. Its funny, she also does the same things to us on food.. I just got done lecturing on the importance of being grateful. We put a string cheese in her lunch and then she doesn't eat it. The next day she asks the teacher for string cheese, and she eats it - we ask her why. Because she doesn't like the string cheese with the blue wrapper...whatever. Get a job, and get your own string cheese! UGHH...I can't stand it.
RE:I know
My stepson 10 used to literally scream at every meal kick the table legs,throw things act like he was vomiting and flip out because it wasn't"chicken nuggets or macaroni or Ramen"
He acted like I was feeding him World War II rations no matter what I cooked or how hard I worked on it.
I don't cook crap either I used to be married to a chef so I know my way around the kitchen.
Hubby was an enabler with the food thing.
He'd get up and make him something else.
After two years of ruined dinners listening to him screech, make vomit sounds and his fit throwing I had had enough.
I knew his two least favorite things were fish and spinach.
So I went to the store and bought 10 cans of sardines and 10 cans of spinach.
After I prepared our meal I made him a nice plate with an undrained blob of spinach in the middle and all the sardines floating in their juices sloppily circling the spinach(presentation is everything).
I sat the plate aside .
When he began complaining about dinner I said" oh I knew you'd hate this because you hate everything I cook so I made you an extra special plate like I will always do from now on whenever you complain"
I set the plate in front of him made eye contact and explained that I "had a stock pile of sardines and spinach with his name on it" ...all he has to do is complain and it's his for the taking I opened the cabinet and showed him all the cans and I did write his name on each and every one of them.
He quickly asked for the other plate of food back and never once complained again.
Maybe you can do something like this with SD?
The food battle is the only one I have won and it took me two years.
If the only other alternative is something she despises she may be willing to eat the good stuff.
"Welcome to the world of Meatloaf and Minivans"
Me
What a good idea!
Now, I just have to figure out what she hates...hmm everything!
we do try and seperate
we try to let each of the kids do things that they want to do. This is intentional because the SD's only gets to do what BM wants to do during their time there. (SD11 is already looking forward to going to a sports bar on Halloween because mom's friends will be there)
They're kids and they play. If BD7 wants a break to play with other kids on the street, great, go ahead. But because they're all so close in age and all girls they tend to group together. (11, 8, 7 and almost 6)
Its just really hard to watch SD8 and BD7 pal around and completely exlude BD5 EOW. BD7 and BD5 are great buds most of the time. Some of this stuff is normal sibling stuff but some of it's really hard to watch and political to navigate.
I do sometimes wish that she were with us Full time. Then we'd at least be able to support some changes to this child, rather than work like dogs for 7 days and then send her back to get completely messed up again. SD8 needs firm boundaries and she will never get those consistenly in the current situation. That's why I start to feel hopeless sometimes too. It will likely all be 50% custody for both and she's only going to get more difficult as she gets older, more clever, hormonal and more rebellious.
Sounds like BOTH my adopted stepsons!
If they don't want to do something they cry.
If they are corrected everyone else is "wrong" not them.
Their bio-mom left when they were babies so "daddy" has let them get away with murder for 90 percent of their lives.
I have worked hard for nearly four years trying to teach them right form wrong and I am constantly being battled by "daddy".
I am ready to leave I tell you.
And if I had the financial means I would this second .I have had it with being unappreciated,walked on and disregarded.
If "daddy" wants to raise uncivilized,spoiled,irresponsible children good for him!
One of my stepson's teachers said to me in the very beginning
"I couldn't imagine living with him 24-7 he's frustrating and mean spirited"
This was after we were called in because he called the teacher and everyone in his class "morons" and "idiots"
When I meet people who are considering getting involved someone with children I advise them against it because no matter how long you have been around or how much you do it never matters,the bio parent will always win even if they are wrong.
My husband told me when I adopted these two I would "be their mom" and have say about things now..WRONG!
I feel like I am just a ghost in this house and everything is moving around me and i have no control I am here to cook,help with homework,babysit so hubby can do what he wants to do and clean that's it. I have no voice and if I do speak up I get told not to "get involved" or it "doesn't concern you" "stay out of it".
Funny thing..I used to really want to have kids.
Now i am so overwhelmed and hurt by this situation i am approaching 30 I have decided against having any of my own.
Also this may sound mean but I am not impressed with my husband's product nor his"do whatever makes you happy buddy" half wit parenting skills.
"Welcome to the world of Meatloaf and Minivans"
Me