It's terrible that you have to go thru this at such a sad time.  Just try to get thru tomorrow somehow, I'm sure your daughter needs your calm, loving support.  Does she have kids?

I hate these political differences.  To my shock, all 3 of our sons have a different political philosophy than I do. I just never discuss this with any if them, they are entitled to their opinions.  In your case, I'd back away from this person for awhile, if you can.  Perhaps their grief is coming out in an ugly way.

I hoping for peace for your family.  A sad time.

Granny, I'm so sorry you're dealing with an asshat relative on top of your devastating loss. {{{HUGS}}}

Is your DH going with you? Focus on honoring your beloved son-in-law. If anyone is asinine enough to talk politics, call upon the steel in your spine, and nip that in the bud with "We're here for dear son-in-law family. Period." Then walk away. I wish I could be there to shoot eye daggers at anyone crass enough to turn a time for mourning into an uncalled for sh!t show. 

Much love to you, my friend. 

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope the funeral is a time for healing and if not reconciling, at least civility. 

I hate our political climate. At a time when family members need each other's support, they are at each other's throats. And for what? For politicians who could give a rat's behind about us. Families are being torn apart by politics and the politicians of each side are more like each other than they are like us. I bet they are civil to each other at the country club.

ETA i blame social media. We weren't meant to know the thoughts and opinions of billions of people. Or even friends or acquaintances we don't see daily. If Uncle Randy didn't post Trump memes or if your cousin's kid with green hair didn't post rainbow flags, we probably wouldn't know enough about their thoughts to be upset. We wouldn't reply back in all caps about how wrong they are, and there wouldn't be hard feelings. We'd see them at Christmas and say "Merry Christmas!" "I hope the Saints win." "Congrats on the new job!" 

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry for your family's loss. So heartbreaking. Sending prayers for peace in the days ahead. 

To be dealing with someone being nasty about political differences at such a time; that's insult to injury for sure. People are just so awful sometimes. I really hope there is a way for you to avoid this person altogether. Or that they will at least have the decency to bite their tongue for one day.

I've had a similar situation in my own family that has caused me to shed quite a few tears. My favorite uncle and his wife lost their only son at the age of 23 several months ago. It was sudden and devastating. My cousins, siblings, and I have since become very protective of them. There is an added layer of sadness that my aunt has terminal cancer and has stopped treatment since losing my cousin, so just a lot happening.

Last week another close relative, who I've always had a great relationship with, lashed out at my uncle on Facebook in a truly shocking way. It was over a political opinion, and the things she said to him were just horrifying. My cousin, my sister, and I all contacted her and asked her to delete her diatribe, which she ultimately did, but not before a lot of people saw it. The whole thing was so disappointing. Keep in mind that these people are 20-25 years older than me. The relative in question should absolutely know better. The older generations of our family raised us to love and respect each other. We've been blessed with a very close knit extended family. But this political climate has just brought out the worst in some people over time and it's difficult to watch.

I don't even know what the answer is except to keep taking care of the people close to me, refuse to engage in nastiness, and just hope and pray that everyone eventually comes to their senses. 

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this at such a difficult time. I think the political divisions are hitting so hard because so many of them are about the most personal of matters. Try and avoid this particular relative, because you are so empathic, even being close to them will be difficult. Can your husband run a bit of interference if necessary? Even just standing between this person and you would be helpful. I am so sorry for your loss.

We somehow get through these hard times.  

Yes, I think we have all felt like that at some point or points in time. I am so sorry. There is so much vitriol and hate out there right now. It's worse when attacks come at a time that is difficult, anyway (like losing a family member). Virtual hugs. Take care of yourself. 

About your DD's husband.  I'm  sure you will be your natural very supportive self.

In a nutshell life is very short but politics have been around for thousands of years so there's that.  We should enjoy life to the fullest while we can.

How in the world can a disparity between political parties drive such a division between loving relatives?

If both are loving, then political disagreement will not drive division to the level you are suffering at the hands of your far from loving relative.  I know that telling an impath not to feel or give the openly toxic and insulting person is an oversimplification of a solution, however, IMHO it is the only solution.  So, step away, let them navigate the memorial service without you at their side. You go and pay your respects while being the caring respectful person that you are.

Politics can be the death of frienships.  Which is why I tread lightly on those topics.   My brother is a staunch conservative. His wife is a staunch liberal.  Their kids all were very mom centric as younger children.  As they have grown up, completed university, and are supporting themselves, they have all three shifted firmly to the conservative side of politics.   

My son was far more conservative at 18 than he is now at 32.  He is decidedly liberal in perspective.  We do have some discussions on politics which is interesting.  Where he is exceptionally intelligent and very data and facts driven in his profession, he is very feelings driven in his politics and economic perspectives.   I listen, and I recognize how he feels though I do tend to wrap up the discussions with pointing out the superiority of basing discussions on fact and data rather than feelings.

Sometimes disagreements are far less about whatever topic is under discussion and at their root are about differences in perspective that are really not about the topic at hand.  My DW and I find this to be the case most often when we have a disagreement.  I am a man brained linear thinker. She is a highly interconnected woman brained comprehensive thinker.  I am an Engineer. She is far more feeling centric than I am.  Facts, data, decision (Me). Vs. Facts, data, people impact, decision (DW).  Only post discussion and issue at hand do I consider people in the mix.  Generally I am of the mind that the best decision is made with the information at hand then the people adapt.  Rather than adapting the decision to the people variables.  People are complex.  Information is what it is.

I hope that your family member can find a stable position to engage with you through all of this.  I am sorry that you are struggling.

Take care of you.

My condolences on the disagreement and on the loss of your SIL.

I cannot believe how cruel this individual was to you in your own home.  Where I live, that's elder abuse.  Take care of you and those you love.  We unfortunately live in a time where that behaviour is becoming increasingly acceptable.  Sending hugs and condolences your way.

My personal feelings are that we all believe what we believe.. I don't think yelling and screaming are going to change anyone.  I don't mind having civil discussions.. but there is a reason why people considered discussing politics, religion and money at the dinner table to be in poor taste.  

level. However, I will say where I live the facebook pages and groups have been going CRAZY for the last 6 months? The insults, degrading comments, etc. that have been spewed has been AWFUL like to the point I worry about some of these people's safety who I do not personally know. I saw someone say do you think talking this way to people is going to change their view? Which I agree with, who is going to side with this person's beliefs who is just saying these hateful hateful things without knowing anything about the other person except a small tidbit of their political views.

Personally, I do not discuss politics with basically anyone. I grew up in a house where my parents do have differing views on politics, but for the most part can discuss and/or disagree civilly. I wish the rest of the world, heck let's start with this county that they could because I can absolutely have a difference of opinion with someone even and I would not stoop to the level I have seen many people stoop to lately. I am really sorry you have this happening in your life and especially with a relative.