grannyd. as furious as I am over this asshat young person, your clear quality and example obviously gave this kid an inkling of brain activity likely amplified by his own parent(s) applying a firm foot to his idiot ass. Good for you and hopefully, good for his parents large steel toed foot to ass message delivering boots.

I understand both your position and Mr gd's.  

Be kind to yourself and the two of you relish in the life and experiences you have created and are living together.

His apology sounds sincere but did you ever figure out what set him off?  Was he drinking?

I'm glad he apologized, it does seem to be sincere. It's lovely that you still care for his feelings, despite everything. It definitely shows that there is real affection there, which is part of the reason you were so hurt by his behavior.

I think you can reply and accept the apology while also acknowledging that repairing the damage that he did will take some time. If you're comfortable, you could suggest that you continue to communicate via email or text with an eye towards an in-person visit in the future, with the understanding that you can't commit to a timeline on that. 

I would say that if this person has treated you this way in the past, numerous times, then made fullsome apologies like this, then keep the drawbridge up.  If this is only very occasional that he behaves like this - then maybe give him another chance, but if he ever behaves like this again, then pull up the drawbridge and leave it up forever. I would be delighted if I got this kind of apology from SD30, but I don't think it will ever happen, so we will remain estranged. 

I would move forward AND remain wary. I would not take him up on any of his offers of "giving" you anything because that can be thrown in your face later. "Well, look what I did to make things better, and . . . !" 

"We accept your apology. At the same time, we cannot tolerate abusive behavior [call it what it is]. We hope you will explore what led you or leads you to behaving like that. Hopefully, as you explore this, you will make a sincere commitment to treating people better. Then, our relationship can move forward."  Just my 2 cents. 

People like this kid scare me. 

I went back and read your post about what he did again. I would not grace this letter with a response. I'd file it away somewhere and wait and see if there's a follow-up. No response is necessary at all.

If anyone behaved like he did in my home it would be the last time he'd set foot in my home. A few written words cannot undo the damage he has done.

In your past post, you mentioned that this relative is bipolar (or you have enough experiencial evidence to think it's likely).  That could definitely explain both of these  actions.. the high octane attack.. the lovebombing atonement.

In the end, I think you know that trying to maintain a close relationship with this person is just not in your best interest.  I understand he is a relative that you may see at occasional family events, but I think that the days of opening your home to him, as you did recently are over.

I WOULD respond to the letter in a kind but grey chill kind of way.

My Dear Relation,

We appreciate the apology letter.  We were quite upset by what transpired that night and hearing that you agree that it was inappropriate does make us feel better.  Thank you for being brave enough to own your actions.  While we appreciate the offer of the subscription access and music recordings, you do not owe us anything more than what you wrote. 

All our best,

Granny D and hubs. (or however you think best signs it off)

Then, you simply don't put yourselves in a position like this again with him.  You have effectively allowed him to think the hatchet is buried.  So, you see him at a family event, you can be cordial.. but also busy catching up with Aunt Mabel and Cousin Jill.  If the request comes for an overnight visit.. or one on one outing.. you can decline.. the guestroom is being fumigated.. You are preparing for a visit from some old friend.. you are in the middle of a craft project and can't make space in there.  Or.. if you want to be overly truthful at that juncture you say.  "Relative, I appreciate your interest in visiting.  But, while we have forgiven your past actions and appreciate your apologies, we are not up to hosting in our home.  As you said before, we are both elderly and it is just more than we can manage.. and we don't want to risk damaging our relationship if things were to take a turn as they did the last time."

For your apology"

(the end)

I think I would really listen to your DH, it sound like he sees this kid for who and what he truly is. Honestly, he sounds physically dangerous. If you start up the relationship again, you should never have him at your home. If you want to see him, it should be in a public and well populated location. I know you love him, but your physical and mental well being needs to come first.