Here we go again
Well its been a great run of almost 5 months with out skid24 and any if his drama.
From one of my previous blogs, skid packed his stuff and moved out in a huff, said unforgivable things to DH in the process and said he never wants to speak to him again.
DH was very mad and hurt. He wasn't going to beg for a relationship with skid. Even this weekend skid texted and said " How are you doing" . DH replied a generic fine and how are you. His kid didn't even reply for days until he wanted some advice. DH was feeling crushed.
We talked about it and he said he is not sure if he wants a relationship with his son if its just going to be his kid calling or texting to complain about his life, wanting something or asking for money.
I said well if you guys make up and he wants money tell him or something you dont want to do say no. Then DH goes on about how he come by being a "softie" honestly. His dad was a softie and so was his grandfather and he cant say no. I didn't say much to that because they were still not talking.
Today when we were in the car driving to the store, he tells me skid texted him. One of his friends father had a heart attack and it made him think that " we should put our things aside" and then there was an I love you dad.
No apology, saying "we" when skid was an asshole. Skid also asked that they go to dinner alone one night. I guess he hasn't had free dinner out for 5 months.
DH is all over the moon over this. I could not share in this enthusiasm but I did say that's nice. Then he got all defensive and had you can seem a little happier. I want to actual just unload all my feeling about his narc son and their unhealthy dance of a relationship but while I was driving was not the time. But I did point out how skid24 is not taking responsibility for his actions making it sound like it was mutual thing.
Not looking forward to the fights ahead. I refuse to have a relationship with skid or have him in my home. I just done and I dint want to try again with skid which is not going to go well with DH but I dont care.
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Comments
Grace, im seeing my future of
Grace, im seeing my future of sd17 & dh
Oh no! I dont wish that on
Oh no! I dont wish that on anyone.
I love my DH but him being a '"softie" or as would say being a pussy when it comes to his kid is the only thing we really fight about. It took me a bit to see that skid was NDP and DH is co-dependant and I dont need to be abused my someone else's narc about kid.
Just let him have whatever
Just let him have whatever kind of relationship with his son. Make sure he knows that you are not willing to have any kind of relationship with him and have not forgotten how he behaved when he lived there.
The bond between parent/child is strong. My DH was not a softie, but he has never given up on SS19 no matter how awful SS has behaved. He doesn't get manipulated by him, and he sees him clearly - but it's his son and he truly loves him unconditionally. I am kind and civil to SS, as he's never been rude to me, but I just keep my distance because I have a hard time with his bullshittery. DH does too - but it's his son, period.
I hope that made sense. Let DH work this out with his son, regardless of how you feel about kid. But you set your own boundaries in regard to the skid.
Dh can have a relationship
Dh can have a relationship with skid as long it does not involve me or affect my life in anyway.
I am very lucky that my BS22 turned out to be a good human being. But I did not raise him to be entitled, he had expectations, rules, and consequences . He's just a nice young man.
I don't want to spend family dinners with skid and I especially dont want to spend Christmas skid either since he ruined the last one. I usually host Christmas dinner, this year I think I will go to my sister's house.
Tell your DH your boundaries
Tell your DH your boundaries and stick to them. It's perfectly fine if he wants that relationship back with his son, if it works for him great, but you don't have to have a part in it.
When Spawn aged out and cut off all communication I let my DH know that if in future they ever reconnected that would be fine by me (it's his Spawn), but that I would not be a part of it.
I let him know our home was closed to her and would never be opened again and that our children were also off limits to her until they become adults and decide for themselves that's what they want.
DH was not happy about it, but he understands these are my boundaries. So far neither of them have reached out to one another, but I figure a day will come.