I'm new, I think SS8 needs counseling, SO is reluctant
My SO is in the middle of a long divorce battle. BM is drawing it out in hopes of a larger lump sum settlement. BM spends her money on things for herself instead of her son. Such as buying new clothes for herself, but dressing him in old clothes that barely fit him, especially when he comes to our house. She had the house originally, but after refusing to mediate divorce out of court & filing, she bought one adult cat & three kittens(!!!!), adding to the two adult dogs she already had. In short, she effectively ruined the entire house. Surprise, couldn't sell it then! So my SO got house back & I moved in with him. BM moved to condo and took all pets with her except the two older dogs. She said she didn't want any furniture other than SS8's bed bc she didn't want to have anything that was theirs together.
So SS tells SO that BM sleeps with him in his bed everynight he stays there, bc she is "saving money for a bed". But, she doesnt work full-time, and she left three perfectly good beds at the house when she moved out.
Everything is definitely stressing me, my SO and SS out!! We have him every other week, and everytime he comes back, he is sick & sad. He is also always sad when he knows he has to go there! Now he has been "coughing" incessantly for two months now, doctors say he's fine, that its just a habit, but when my SO tells him to stop, he says he has to. I think I might just be a manifestation of stress with the whole situation!
I definitely know that my moving in also is yet another thing that changed in his life, so I'm not saying I am not part of the problem. I do think he needs to go talk to a professional that deals with kids, because if he's alone with SO, he will start crying & say he's sad. Any suggestions?
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How have you gone about
How have you gone about trying to approach SO about taking SS to counseling? Parents don't typically want to admit that there is something wrong w their children, esp if THEY have something to do w it, so SO may become defensive when you bring it up. Maybe you should suggest that you all go to counseling so that SO can see that it's ok, and hopefully this will also make SS more comfortable so that he can open up when he is alone w the counselor. Make sure SO knows that the reason you think SS should go to counseling is because all the changes are affecting him and not because SO did anything wrong.
I have talked to SO about it
I have talked to SO about it a few times over the past year, mostly when he tells me that SS told him that he feels sad, or says he doesn't want to go with BM. But you're absolutely right! I think he doesnt want to go through with it bc he feels like it's his fault. SO's mom (SS's grandma) has also expressed that she thinks it's a good idea, so after that, he's beginning to think about it a little more... I also think another problem he has with it is that BM wants to be there, and SO literally wants nothing to do with her. Also, BM would freak out if I were there. She hates me. The feeling is mutual, though. I don't know if my being there would be good for that situation.