Am I overreacting again, or this is disrespectful?
this morning I drove my stepson to his mom's. Right before we left he said, Oh I forgot my ipod. I said, o.k. go ahead and get it; and I tossed the house keys on the long chain to him. The key fell on the ground, he looked at me, he looked down, then again at me, with anger in his eyes, then slowly picked them. I said I am sorry Ed, I didn't mean to. B/c of course I didn't mean to.
So I am waiting for him in the car. He comes back and throws the keys to my shoulder saying mimicking me: Oh I am sorry I didn't mean to.
I got so angry. The keys fell on the floor on the passeneger side, I unbuckled and picked them up. It felt like the spit on my face.
I drove him to his mom's, he got out of the car said Buy and walked away. I could never imaging having such relationship with him. I had best intentions in the beginning two years ago, and I can believe where we are now. Is it fixable? I am running empty.
Generally he speaks to me in a superior tone of voice, trying to let me know I know nothing in this world. I am having a big deal getting extremely uncomfortable withh this situation.
Anyone else is experiencing disrespect from teen step kids, and how do you deal with that? how do you stay sane?
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Comments
Ummmm
How old is he? My SD's are 10 and 14 and I have absolutely NO hesitation in telling them they will not disrespect me in any way shape or form. I actually don't care who the kid is, I won't let a teenager be disrespectful to me and get away with it.
He is 16, well he is still
He is 16, well he is still 15 but he is having his birthday in two days. I like to think of him as 16,17 18 19 and out.
There's a difference between
There's a difference between tossing the keys to someone and throwing them at someone. Teach him FIRMLY the difference.
Oh he absolutely knows the
Oh he absolutely knows the difference, and he did what he did to hurt me. And I know he thought I did it on purpose, I mean I "landed" the keys on the ground.
I always treated him as my own, that included sometimes being pretty firm. I raised two children, and I know I would treat my kids the same way when it comes to do chores, homework, getting to bed in time, cleaning the room etc etc. It is absolutely same here. But he obviously took it in different way. He doesn't see me as caring person, in fact he mentioned to me once that I was a mean person, amd that hurt.
If it was physically possible
for him to walk to his mom's house, I would have said, "Get out of the car and walk to your mom's. Call me or your dad to let us know when you get there. I will not do favors for someone who disrespects me in return."
BB
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)
Thanks for the input. It
Thanks for the input. It wasn't favor though, I had to drive him. DH is in the hospital, and by court order BM drives him here we drive him there. He is a very "smart" boy, he'd know better if I had a choise and wouldn't play that game.
teen ss
myself is dealing with a 17 yr old ss & he really p`s me off to no end he is rude, disrespectful, ect. i cant stand him. i do the least little amount of anything for ss. my ss say i wish she was dead & thinks i dont hear it . he also calls me a b**** thinking i dont hear or know. dh usually handles him pretty good. idk any suggestions?????? i do feel for you very much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you Lyndee
Thank you Lyndee, and I feel for you too!!
Thank goodness I haven't heard him calling me names, but I guess he does anyways. When his friends come to our house the way they look at me I can say I am not a popular one in their company
God bless you Lyndee, I am not a good advisor, I am here for the answers myself. There is a hope though that they will go on thir own some day sooner or later.
I made a decision do not interact much yet stay politle...
YOU are doing everything RIGHT...
Unfortunately, YOU are being told otherwise by others who really should be kissing your BUTT, not giving you a hard time.
I don't post on here much anymore as my "issues" with my adult SDs have abated BIG TIME, but I remember so well coming to this site feeling as you do. You question everything you do, hoping you are not "hurting feelings" and not causing stress for anyone else. Wow, I hope we can ALL get you past that....
That is one reason WHY you owe no one an "apology"....once you start apologizing, as you said, every time you "pass gas" you'll be expected to apologize. You have a FULL PLATE right now taking care of your H, and if that "hurts people's feelings', then they need to suck it up and get a life.
I went this too, my friend, every time my H's adult Ds had an issue, it was somehow MY FAULT. They didn't like that they couldn't call "daddy" at all hours of the night for senseless bullcrap. They didn't like that they couldn't just show up here drunk and hysterical (I'm talking about women in their 20s) and I would get mad about it. Too bad. My house, I have a career, I have a teen daughter of my own who DOES NOT act like that. I WILL NOT take it from anyone else's "kids", especially if they are adults.
I agree with BB, even though you COULDN'T do it, I'd keep the "niceties" to a minimum. Take care of YOU and the road you have ahead of you....you will get LOTS of support on this site; and DO NOT APOLOGIZE!! YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!
Hang in there and stay strong!!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
I am serious about this
Next time SS wants you to do something, say "no." No dinner, no cleaning up after, no driving him anyway. No movies, no nothing. Tell him "I don't like the way you treated me the other day." And even if he apologizes, while you should accept it gracefully, let him know you are still not doing it for him.
And let him sit there and think about it. Next time, he should be better. The point is, you don't do anything for ungrateful brats, period.
I did this with my BDs even. Don't argue, just don't do anything for them. No rides to school. I don't care how far it is. They can walk or stay home.
"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"
DH being in the hospital
doesn't mean you HAVE to drive him anywhere. You are not legally responsible for this kid. Is your name anywhere in that arrangement on the custody papers? Does it say that if DH is incapacitated, you have to transport him? If not, then I'd say, "Sorry, DH is in the hospital and you are not my responsibility and I will not be your doormat anymore". God bless you, girl. I would have told him to get the heck out of my car and call his mommy to come get him. Don't drive him around anymore. He IS NOT your responsibility and his attitude is ridiculous.
"If your going through hell, keep on going, don't slow down, if you're scared, don't show it, you might get out before the devil even knows you're there" -Rodney Atkins
Thank you EVERYONE!
...for the support and kind words. I even cried a little, you are such supportive bunch of people here!
I have never thought that he is NOT MY RESPONSIBILTY! No he is not. He has his BM and BD and has great relationship with both, so who am I here then? A maid, a cook, a driver? I've heard from him, You are not my mother. Correct, but who am i , a step mother? What is it? What does that mean to be a SM to a kid who has both parents? I understand if he wouldn't have a BM, then I am "stepping in" trying to replace his mom, but where am i stepping in in this awkward situation?? Somewhere on this forum I've read that one of SMs called herself 'your father's second wife' who actually has nothing to do with her SS, who was a teenager too. I am sorry if it's sounds harsh, but I agree with this position, and ready to adopt it.