I use to spend money on them the same way I spend on my own kids until I saw how ungrateful they are. Now I will occasionally spend on an ice cream cone if anything. 

I think you need to have an honest discussion with your SO about finances.  This small "annoyance" at him "triple paying" for his kids may become a much bigger issue.  Better to get these things out in the open.

You obviously should also be having this larger finance discussion...including how household expenses are split..how you both view retirement.. how you plan on achieving short and long term financial goals.. what support level you agree on past age 18.. (is anything mandated beyond that?).

There is a ton to go over.. not all of it involves the stepkids. 

It's not unusual for kids to see dad as a bank.  It is also a dark trip down an alley trying to figure out what mom is or is not spending CS on.  The bottom line is that you probably do need to discuss with your DH what he feels he should be paying outside of his court ordered obligation.  Certainly my DH bought his girls gifts and I spent money on them as well.. when I both wanted to.. and could afford it.

There is no one size fits all answer. 

i see no problem spending money on the kids if you want to.  But, I can also see seeds of discontent in your post and these can grow into huge marital weeds.  Not all of it is related to your skids either.

Another basic fact of life that you need to accept is that you cannot control the EX.  You can't control what she does or does not sprend money on.  Ultimately, you only have influence over what happens in your home.

You spending money on your step kids is the least of your problems, that is your choice and you can choose not to do it.

However, if you are going to build a life and a family with this man, the two of you MUST discuss finances because his over spending on his kids IS going to become an issue when you have kids of your own, need to save for college, retirement, etc.

He sounds like a Disney Dad and is spoiling his children. That, in and of itself, does not make him a "great father", just a guilty one.

Read up about Disney Dads. It ruins marriages (and children, actually).

Keep your finances separate and you should have a serious talk about budgets. I would ask him outright if he expects you to help support his children, if the answer is yes, then do some serious soul searching...are you willing to finance somebody else's children for the next 18-20 years?

Get a hold on all of this now....I tried too late. I didn't mind buying skids stuff for the first year or so but that quickly changed once DH and I got settled into our home and new marriage......then had a baby shortly after....and I have older kids.

So......my DH pays TONS is CS...but also has the kids 50 percent of the time...and pays 1/2 of every medical bill, every activity, every school picture, pretty much everything BM asks for....and then skids spend the time with us asking DH for more things....to pay for their phone....for clothes....for any and everything. It is horrible and I resent my DH so much.....because he doesn't know how to tell them NO. He just can't spend all of his money running BM's house and ours.....and then spoling skids....BM buys the kids NOTHING.

I'm very bitter by this and caused alot of problems for me, so please get it in check no. Having a baby together made it worse and I resented him even more.

Basically I get alot of CS for my kids.....which I spend on them....but skids see this and think they also need to have what my kids have and that dadeeeee has to buy it......sorry skids it doesn't work like that....go ask your greedy ass lying mother where the money is.

My DH used to give VERY generous CS to NPD BM - here in the UK, these things are not usually set by courts buy agreed through solicitors.   But he still spent a lot on them when they were here and when he took them for outings and holidays. I used to buy them birthday and Xmas gifts, but after a number of years of doing this, and it not being appreciated, I stopped.  I will never spend a penny more on them as they are ungrateful and entitled.  I think as a matter of policy, step parents should not be expected to spend their earnings on their stepchildren, this is the parents job, and I have my own two bio daughters and 3 grandchildren whom I prefer to spend my money on. 

Are the number two reason marriage fail.  You must get together on this subject before you go on.  As kid get older they want or need more money.  In stead of a Happy meal it’s a car, car insurance, cat maintenance.  College, wedding, vacations ect.  

He can spend so much playing Disney Dad that you will be spending your money, not on SK, but on thing he can not afford because he spending all his money on Sk.  You will be buying food, paying medical bills, paying for vacations ect. 

“ WE CAN NOT DO THIS BECAUSE.”  I have a car payment, car insurance is due.ect. By the way I am not retiring because I have no retirement plan.  It pays $100 a month 

all this should be settled now.  If you have a kid and stop working like BM. Who going to support the house ?  After marriage it’s going to be too late 

I do not have my own kids and will not.  So from my perspective it's not about another child in the situation, but about my retirement and making sure my finances don't go to h*ll, which they started to do until I put the brakes on it.

I went all in with my DH and the girls at first, but then realized BM & DH were relying on ME for the big ticket items: good shoes, winter coats, sweaters, camp fees, etc.  Hard stop after the second year of this.  I do buy what I willingly want to purchase for them (well, only YSD now)...I got YSD a new alarm clock, get her toiletries (only as long as she lets me know she needs them as I don't check up on her needs), help her get a new swimsuit, etc.  But I never spend hundreds any more.  Esp. because it's not appreciated and I can set no conditions upon any items (such as hang up your coat or don't use your new towels to mop up the spilled paint...).

We have separate finances and DH pays me back for most things I buy for YSD, unless it's (again) something I want to get for her.  He pays for them when we go on vacation together.  I pay my share.  He or BM pay for their health insurance, not me.  I don't pay for camps or special classes after getting burned with that several years in a row (i.e. I can pay but set no expectations that they go). I will not pay for their car, car insurance, or college. 

I don't have kids and I still don't.

You obviously have no obligation to spend on your fiance's kids.  I think YOUR spending on them is not the issue here - you can spend as much or as little as you want, when you want.  The problem is HIS spending on them.  That is going to cause problems in your marriage if you're not all on the same page, and it is clear that you are not on the same page with him on that.  You need to hammer that out BEFORE you get married.

To answer your question, I spend quite a bit on my two SDs.  But that's largely because I derive enjoyment from it.  I love buying them cute outfits, and I love buying craft stuff and things for outdoor play that we can do together.  They're still young so they're not asking for cars and laptops.  I probably need to be careful, though, that I don't create that expectation.  One big difference in my situation - my DH is not paying CS.  If he was, and BM was not spending money on the kids, I'd probably be annoyed and cut back on what I get them.  

It sounds as if your love goggles are slipping and you're starting to gain clarity.

Thank goodness this happened before you married this man. He is NOT a "great" father, or that great with money apparently. Since differences in parenting and differing financial philosophies are two of the most common reasons cited for divorce, you owe it to yourself and your bios to slow the relationship down.

 We get a lot of posts from women who rush into relationships with certified preowned men without properly vetting them. You both have failed relationships in your past, so give your union a better chance of succeeding with some solid premarital counseling that will get you on the same page. Hash all of this poo out now, or you'll regret it later.

. 

I personally don't spend anything on my skid, maybe a present for Christmas/birthday but that's rare, actually, since he was alienated for years, and if he's not here on his birthday/Christmas, he's not getting anything from me.

DH pays his child support, and he takes SS19 out to dinner here and there (on his own dime).  I think I might have jointly bought SS an ice cream along with all my nieces and nephew on vacation this year, but that's it.

OP, you are going to really start resenting your DH paying for everything all the time.

SSs are in their twenties now and there's no CS. I've paid for some things that I've wanted to (dinner out) and some things that I have not wanted to (tuition payment). Since SO is terrible with money and has never paid me back for the tuition payment, for example, I no longer open my pocketbook except at Christmas. 

I’ve thrown the emergency brake on the gravy train for SD19. I’ve only spent what I wanted to, and that’s because I wanted her to have a somewhat normal life where she got to do things; with Skankula none of it would have existed. She got a big party for HS graduation...and we barely got a thank you out of her. 

She’s an adult now with jobs and I am not going to help pay for college or anything...bc quite frankly I have my own BKs to worry about and their future. If DH wants to continue to fund her, he can figure that out on his own dime.