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GiGi222's picture

Submitted by GiGi222 on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 11:32am

I have been wondering about this and its really getting to me, because I see it is getting to FH and he won't admit to it.
About a week ago, FH, who picks up SD10 everyday from afterschool, brought her and SS6 to the house to help with homework and spend time with them. While they were there SD10 tells him that she feels bad because she won't be here for three weeks. FH asked why and she said it was because BM booked a trip for them to see her parents. And that they will be gone for three weeks, two of which are school weeks. The other is a week long break from school. So at this point he is pissed. 1 because BM didn't tell him but rather had SD tell him, and 2 because they will be missing school.
So when he goes to drop them off, BM asked him if SD10 told him what the plan was. FH was about to flip but thought better not to because SD10 can't handle it and has a meltdown everytime her parents argue. So he pointed out that they will be missing school. BM said she will get their assignments. She also asked that CS be paid in advance (its usually paid weekly) so she has money to take on the trip. Mind you this is only 2 weeks notice.
I feel like FH is taking this really hard. He has just gotten used to the fact that he doesn't see them for a month during the summer because she sends them to her parents as well, and now this. Also, BM isn't working so its perfectly okay for her to be taking this time out.
I worry about him because I just don't feel like he is coping well, he seems out of it, and always distracted.
I mean, should she have told FH about this? Or is she right to hold this information until it gets closer to the date? How do you feel about the whole missing school thing?

Comments

TheWife's picture

Submitted by TheWife on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 11:51am

I don't remember everything about your situation, but can she DO this? I know Gasolina has no right in any way to take SD somewhere when it's DH's custody time w/o his permission. That would be contempt. Not to mention the school thing, that is waaaayy too long.

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Rome wasn't built in a day, and my marriage won't be either.

GiGi222's picture

Submitted by GiGi222 on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 1:16pm

TW I know that they have a court order but everything has been so lax because things change and different arrangements are made at times.
I agree about the school thing. I really don't like for my BS to miss school for any reason other than for being sick. So for them to be gone this long really threw me for a loop.
I guess I feel like something like this should have been discussed before or as soon as there was a possibility that this was going to happen. When we made plans for our vacation FH let her know because it involves plane tickets and whatnot, and he wants to make sure our vacations wouldn't overlap.
TBH, the whole thing strikes me as odd. All of a sudden she wants to visit? And during the school year? I told him he needs to get his ducks in a row in case she tries to pull something stupid...

TheWife's picture

Submitted by TheWife on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 1:17pm

Agreed.
____________________________________________________________________

Rome wasn't built in a day, and my marriage won't be either.

soverysad's picture

Submitted by soverysad on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 11:53am

She should have told FH about it when it was planned and she should not have put sd in the middle. He should not give her her cs early. To hell with her. She gets paid when ordered not when it conveniences her. I disagree with children missing school to frolic but that's just me. Why can't her parents come to see them rather than make them miss school?

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"

stepmom008's picture

Submitted by stepmom008 on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 11:54am

Um, NO NO NO. First of all, SHE has to be the one to give notice. 2) doesn't he have to sign some sort of form authorizing the trip? and 3) if she doesn't have enough money for the trip, she shouldn't have booked it. Child support should stay on schedule. It's not his problem if she can't manage her money properly. And the whole missing school thing? That is not cool with me at all.

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

Kb3Hooah's picture

Submitted by Kb3Hooah on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 12:04pm

Is there any reason for the trip other than just a visit? I'd imagine if it were me, and it was just to 'visit', I would wait until the kids were out of school for the Summer. When is the trip?

As for SD telling FH about the plans, I don't know if this is the case here, but the skids always tell BF things before BM does...only because he usually see's them before he's able to speak to BM. So it's not that BM is telling the kids to tell their Dad, they just know what's going on and beat BM to it. I can imagine BM saying to the skids, "hey guys, have you told your Dad about the plans?" as a way to figure out if she needs to explain the details, or if she needs to just fill in the holes the kids missed.

With waiting to tell him until the last minute...I suppose it depends on the situation. For example, was this a last minute decision to go on this trip? I know for me, when I make plans, I don't call BF up right after to let him know. Then usually when there is time to tell him, I've completely gotten side tracked.

ETA: Not saying that she should pop it on him at the last minute, but if there is a decent amount of time from the time she let DH know to the date of the trip, then I don't think it's a biggie that she didn't call him up right after she made the plans. Now if this is on his parenting time, she should have called him BEFORE hand to ask if this was even ok at all.

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GiGi222's picture

Submitted by GiGi222 on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 1:20pm

They are leaving next week M, and he just found out a week ago. So all of this is really sudden.
I guess what is most bothersome about this is the fact that he is involved with the kids everyday. He picks up SD10 from afterschool everyday to bring her to BM's. So don't you think he should know if plans were to change regarding that? And don't you think he should be consulted because of the amount of time that they will be missing school?
It isn't any of our business what her plans are. We don't have to know who she is visiting or why or for what. But just a heads up, given by BM and not the child, would be appreciated. I feel bad for him because now that is another three weeks they will be gone on top of the already anticipated trip they take in the summer. Its hard on him as it is, I feel like this just makes it harder Sad

mdeleh's picture

Submitted by mdeleh on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 12:14pm

yep BM's job to tell her childrens BD that she is going to take the kids away for good period of time. Comunication is very important for everyone. BM should never have your SK relay any of this type of info. As for missing that much school not good but if she gets all assingnments maybe ok, but sounds like she needs to be job hunting insted of leaving town and not depend on her ex support or tax payers if shes sitting around collecting a check I dont know hope not. Your man needs to talk to his BM in private and let her know he needs to hear any future plans like this form her mouth not the kids.