DON'T FORGET TO CALL MOM!!!
Another blog reminded me of something that's been going on in our home with SS15 for quite some time.
When SS is with BM for "her" two weeks, it's radio silence from SS15. He has NEVER initiated a phone call once to speak to DH (much less anyone else who lives here). If DH calls, sometimes he'll answer, sometimes not. He usually will call back if DH leaves a voice mail, but not always.
When he's with us, however, he makes a point of calling BM every three days like clockwork. DH even discovered he has it written on his wall calendar in his room, in all caps, the pen pressed down so hard it goes through several pages, "CALL MOM!!!" Every three days, "CALL MOM!!!" And this is a kid who never writes down ANYTHING, birthdays, special events, homework assignments, nothing.
And you know, I know it's not because he's just DYING to speak to his mom. It's because he's REQUIRED to call her. If he doesn't, she gets royally pissed. He told us about when he forgot to call for a week while with us. Apparently she said to him something like, "Well, I guess it's out of sight, out of mind with me. If you don't love or care about me, just say so. Say it, SS15! Maybe you want to live with your dad and Ghost since they're so great!"
She's so twisted. She has her son so anxious about forgetting to call her he can't enjoy his time here. And I'm sure that's her point.
Does anyone else deal with this crap?
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We get the "I don't have to
We get the "I don't have to plan my time around YOU!!!"
Well, no. No she doesn't. But if my SO has said "I'll call SD7 at this time on this day unless you tell me otherwise," and he's said so in the communication book four days in advance... If she knows she's going to be out, isn't it easier to send a text in the morning saying "can you call at this time instead?" That way, she doesn't have SO blowing up her phone when she's so "busy," and we don't have to sit around waiting to talk to SD7, only to get a text an hour later saying we can call in half an hour more.
Do these BMs not have any common sense?
We live in a time of text
We live in a time of text messaging...people should really take advantage of it more. I don't mean stay on your phone all the time like a video game constantly texting but if you want to then text mom at night and be like "sleep good love you" or whatever. It doesn't need to be a long drawn out thing. If my children start dating and the person they are dating is that needy then I will put some restriction on it. The same is true for anyone else. People need to be a part of their surroundings and not spend so much time on the phone.
And that's the
And that's the thing...
Typical disrespect for their father, created by BM.
That's the heart of it. Disrespect and PAS. It's like BM is saying, "I'M the important parent. I'm worth calling. If you don't call, it's because you forgot about me. Your father isn't worthy of your thoughts while you're on MY time."
At the same time, at 15, SS should be taking some responsibility for having a relationship with his father. And that's what annoys DH the most. SS15 just can't be bothered to give him (or us) a thought.
Like you said in your latest post, tog, you're starting to get disgusted with your SS. We are too, but we started a while ago!
For some reason SD5 loves to
For some reason SD5 loves to call SO when she is with her BM. We have always made it a point to ask SD if she would like to talk to her mom, or to tell her she can call her mom whenever she wants, but SD never wants to call her mom. On the other hand, she loves to call her dad. She calls just to hear his voice and to tell him she misses him. I once asked SD why she didn't want to call her mom, and she told me it is because she has so much fun over at our house that she doesn't want to stop to talk to BM.
Since neither parent felt the need to make a scheduled time to call the other, SD has free reign to call either parent whenever she wants. We always make sure that SD is asked if she wants to talk to BM when she calls SO for some reason or another, and about half the time she doesn't feel the need to speak to her. It is interesting to say the least.
Future Therapy jar...I think
Future Therapy jar...I think we'll need one of those! SS15 will probably never make it to college, so we can save for therapy instead.
BM’s favors YSS over OSS,
BM’s favors YSS over OSS, always has. Back when both were living with us, she would call and say maybe 2 sentences to OSS, but talk to YSS for 20-30 minutes at a time. And you could hear her voice go from normal speaking voice to animated baby talking as soon as the phone was handed from OSS to YSS (and both boys were teens (13 and 15) when I came into the picture and only 2 years apart, so it’s not like she was talking to a 5 year old). The beginning parts of their conversations between the ages of 13 to 15 when YSS went to go live with her went something like this…
BM – “Hi Sweeeeetheaaaaarrrrtt! How was your day? Did you do your homework? What did you have for dinner? Remember to eat lots of food so you can grow up big and strong for Mommy! Mommy can’t wait to see you next weekend. Mommy misses and loooooooooves her little handsome baby boyyyyeeee!”
Yeah… 2 years, 300 lbs and a lazy, entitled, narcissistic borderline personality disorder later… I wonder if she’s finally beginning to see the monster she has created.
And BM always, always makes
And BM always, always makes sure to call SS two nights before he's due to go back to her to tell him about all the amaaaaaazing things they're going to do when he gets back, and what she's going to buy him and how she luuuuuuuurvs him soooooooo much. Then he's a miserable prick the last two days he's with us. Which is exactly what she wants.
It goes in phases with SD. We
It goes in phases with SD. We can always tell when BM is stressed or manic or whatever you want to call it because that is the only time SD gets very anxious about calling her. At those times, she keeps reminding us for hours "I have to call my mom at 6:00." Otherwise she is pretty indifferent to calling her mom and will often tell DH when he asks if she'd like to that she will "later" or "not now" and then never gets around to it. It is not court-ordered, so DH generally just has SD call once per weekend since he is a nice guy and is not into poisoning his daughter against her mother. DH has asked if she ever wants to call him when she is at her mom's and she says that she "forgets." Oh well, she's just 5.
It was strange because leading up to our court date in January, BM emailed DH every single day that SD was with us to have her call. This stopped the day after court. Literally, have not had one request for a call since then. I guess she was trying to get DH in trouble? Of course, DH still has her call at least once every three days and always if BM requests a call.
On the other hand, BM never voluntarily has SD call DH. And often ignores DH's email requests for a call for up to a week. Once DH accidently hung up as he was getting his phone out of his pocket and immediately called back. BM texted him "Too bad, you missed your chance." Cunt.