Having a really hard time today
Well not just today...been this way for a while now. Just not finding it too easy to cover up my emotions as well today. I have got to get a grip on myself. I have to work and I can't stop crying.
Some might know my story from previous post. But for those who don't know, I will give a short run down. 3 years ago met what I thought was the love of my life. Dated for a year then stupidly got married. Both of us had 2 adult children, so the thought of having skid problems didn't even really cross my mind. Sure in hindsight I saw many issues with his kids, but thought they are adults and shouldn't effect our relationship. Especially when H had my back prior to marriage. After we got married things started to go down hill quick, mostly due to skids, BM and common friends of H and BM's plus H no longer had my back. A year and a half into the marriage I decided I couldn't take anymore and left. H and I are still married but have been separated for 6 months now.
So some might wonder why I am having a hard time because I am free. Well yes and no. Maybe it's because our 2 year anniversary is coming up next week. Maybe it's because deep down I still love the man. Maybe it's because we are both pretty much sitting in limbo with no closure. Maybe it's because my son (Marine) is about to be deployed next week. Maybe it's because I have very few true friends and lately it seems like all of them are going through some really rough times and like to take their problems out on me. All I do know is that I am at my breaking point! And sick of being people's punching bag! I just want to scream "hey, you know what, I am having a hard time too".
The thought of becoming a hermit is very appealing to me right now.
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(((HUGS))))
(((HUGS))))
Thinking about you! you have
Thinking about you! you have every right to be upset. When you get home ( i know this sounds dumb) but set an alarm/timer for 15 minutes. Allow yourself to be as emotional and upset as you want. Ask yourself "ok what's in here, what is getting me really upset" then after the timer goes off do something nice for yourself and give yourself a break.
You don't have to hold it all in. it will come out later in ways you don't want it to. Whatever emotion you're trying to control is the one that's in control of you
Thank you everyone for the
Thank you everyone for the encouragement. I know I will be ok. Just had a break down day. I have to keep reminding myself that I have survived worse.
I have made plans to spend a girls pamper day with my daughter. First time ever that I will be getting a professional massage. Kind-of excite
And much needed.
Yes, you most certainly did
Yes, you most certainly did put a smile on my face. Thank you.
Wouldn't even pay for a $25 dinner???? I am so surprised that you didn't dump that Dillwad first!
Yea that one for sure is a no
Yea that one for sure is a no brainer....next.
It amazes me and also puzzles me what actually goes through some peoples minds. Hence my profile picture. It's just like when I left DH. He basically left me with no choice not even an opition of trying to work it out or even marriage couseling. Although even up to the final day of my departure "our" relationship was still loving towards one another. With both of us not really wanting it to happen. But he swayed more towards being disney dad to his adult sons and Mr perfect friend to his user/looser friends. When it got to a point where SS's and friends started telling ridiculous lies about me and I found myself having to defend myself over things that were not only untrue but even if they were true, it wasn't something to get upset about i.e. Was accused of having a girlfriend over one night when my H was out of town visiting with his son. Wasn't true even had many witnesses come fourth telling him it wasn't true. Even still, what the hell would be wrong with me having a friend over??? H still believed the lies anyway. My point is this example along with many other crazy shit, crazy shit H KNEW to be false, the man still had the nerve to ask if we could still date!! Do I really look like that much of a fool? I might have lost a lot of myself while being with him, but I didn't loose my self respect.