Christmas traditions.... which 'family'?
Ya know, we all go through such highs and lows sometimes. I went through a low being alone on Thanksgiving, I am much better now.
Since all 4 of the kids between BF and I live with us most of the time, it seems there is a stronger bond between the kids. They really see each other as siblings. It just amazes me how much this is so. Now, there is the natural "this is MY Dad and MY Mom" not to mention they don't expect to go to the other parent's houses. Otherwise, we actually do very well.
We have tossed around the idea of a family night. We all do a lot of things together, but not like we use to. Money is an issue with a new "old" house to fix up. With Christmas coming though, I think we should make a double effort to make this happen. I have noticed more "activities" for the kids at school, church and with the 'other' family.
I have carved out 4 days out of this month to spend time with my 'family' the question is, which to spend it with.
I can go across 2 states to spend it with my immediate family, take my girls, and have another stress filled week. Or I can stay home and make my home more cozy for the big day. Now, the way I have laid this out, I obviously would rather stay home. I feel so betrayed by my family, but I feel an obligation to my daughters to see my father especially. He is in declining health and I know they love him. He loves seeing them too. My girls love their "grandmother" too, she is my father's wife. Notice I do not give her the distinction of stepmother.
This has been an issue for me for years. Way before my girls were even born. Every year I end up stressing over whether I should go or not. Something always happens and I get upset. Maybe just go for a day? Come home quickly to enjoy time with my girls? I don't even feel comfortable staying with any of my family. I would rather stay with a stranger it feels sometimes.
So strange that Christmas use to be such a big part of my family's tradition, now it only brings me despair. It is a 5 hour drive. Should I wait? BF can't go, no more time off this year, so it would be just me and my girls. I don't want to be disrespectful, but I don't want to go. My girls want to go. I know my Dad would want to see me.
This sucks.
- Freedom2005's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I would, but they know I
I would, but they know I took off work and would give me the "there is no room for them to stay" so probably not.
I lived there for 7 months earlier this year, they had them over night twice. They had my Dad's wife's granddaughter over on a regular basis over night. So... You get the idea. They might take them for a week in the summer, but I am not getting my hopes up.
Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
Erich Fromm
Hmmm. I spent so many years
Hmmm. I spent so many years running around the countryside, to my parents', etc. I think it is important to build traditions at your own home for those kids. So awesome they are bonding. Can someone bring your dad over? Or can you meet half-way somewhere for a meal?
Actually, after talking to
Actually, after talking to my family, I will be spending 2 days over there and back with my BF and all the kids for the big day! I agree, we should have something Christmas morning with them all. It is going so well I want to see the joy spread on that morning.
Thanks!
Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
Erich Fromm
I called them today, going
I called them today, going over for 1 day and they are going to put us up in a motel. I should not complain really, it will be less stressful for me to be in a motel at night. The girls won't like it, but they will be happy to see everyone.
I am hoping it will go well. I will try not to expect anything. Sometimes the holidays just suck.
Thanks all!
Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
Erich Fromm
Hi Freedom, I, too, have to
Hi Freedom, I, too, have to travel to my immediate family, it's an 11-hour drive. When I was in my 20's and newly divorced, I drove (lived in a different city then, but same state) 13 hrs over the holidays so that my only son would grow up to know his "entire family". My mother and I always had a very tenuous relationship, but I put up with her because of my son. (My mom and dad divorced when I was 14) I was extremely close to my dad who died when I was 26 of pancreatic cancer. Then I met my DH who's entire family is from this state of Wisconsin. But because I'm not from here, they've always treated me like a martian. When DH's daughters disowned him nine yrs ago (they are in their 30's now) I quit going with him to visit his mom (his dad died young) and family for the holidays. I felt that since I no longer had the SD's in our lives I was of no use to his family, in other words, I felt that as long as I showered the SD's with gifts I was okay with his family -- when I didn't have that any more, I gave up trying to buy their affection. Now I'm sitting here alone on yet another Saturday night because my DH couldn't take it any more and decided to stay in a hotel to "be alone with his thoughts". He recently tried to reconnect with his daughters and they want nothing to do with him -- the point is, your family and their family will not live forever . . . if you dad is ailing, go be with him. My mom was found dead in her bed on January 1st, 2009, yep, almost a year ago. So not only am I dealing with my mom's death, my DH announed to me on Labor Day that he isn't in love with me any more, he's already talked to his elderly mother and his sisters about it, and I doubt we will be married much longer. Now both my parents are dead; my two brothers don't speak to me, and I love my aunt and uncle dearly, and my only sister who lives five hours away in Iowa . . . but I wish I had made those trips to visit family when I could on BOTH sides. Best of luck to you . . I know you will have a blessed Xmas holiday. I'm sure I will be alone this Xmas. Good luck . . . and I agree, sometimes the holidays just do suck!
The whole "you might be hit
The whole "you might be hit by a bus" theory holds my attention every day. I am so sorry to hear about your troubles. It sounds like me. I was estranged from my father when he married his CURRENT wife. We are still on very shaky terms. I love my father, but I hate being around his wife and her kids. I do not regret moving away anymore. I tried to move back and they just kept ignoring me.
Anyway, 2 years ago, my current BF had put me on hold... (not dating but friends) at the time, and my father went into surgery and for the first time our of his many surgeries, he had complications. It scared me to death. To lose the man I love (and still do) and my father so quickly... or the threat of it was causing me panic attacks. I do not forget.
This is why I am so torn. I am going to go. Dad is not well enough to make the trip to see us, he already has twice this year. It is my turn.
I can't make them like me and I am tired of trying. I will just love my father and talk to my sister sometimes. I have other siblings, but they have no interest in my life.
I do hope your Christmas is good despite you being alone. I had Thanksgiving alone. Counselors keep telling me it is just another day, just 24 little hours. I still don't believe them.
Happy Holidays!
Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
Erich Fromm