OSD’s mental health
I think I've shared here recently that OSD went through a severe mental health crisis her senior year of high school that led to intense inpatient treatment and has been medicated ever since. It took a lot of trial and error to find the right mood stabilizer, anti-depressant, and anxiety med combo, but when we did, it was like she became a different person.
Over the last nearly two years, she's been doing incredibly well. 3.9 GPA at university, VP of her sorority, has a full-time salaried job that she's been really successful at and is mostly supporting herself financially. She's even started her own small business (online retail - think Etsy type thing) with some initial investment from her dad and me that is flourishing.
Well, last week her employer contacted YSD because they've been noticing some unusual and erratic behavior from OSD (YSD works at the same place) and they're worried. They stated she's been unreliable about coming to work and completing her work, and her excuses have been increasingly more and more outlandish. She was at my house over the weekend and I did notice that she was weirdly kind of nervous or neurotic, and she drank a cocktail, which she never does because of how it interacts with her meds. I didn't think much of it until I heard what her employer had said.
So her dad and I asked her if she's doing okay, is she taking her meds, still seeing her therapist, etc. She admitted to us that she stopped all her meds cold turkey a few weeks ago and that she hasn't talked to her therapist in a couple of months. Her reason? Some boy she was dating apparently was giving her a hard time about being "clinically insane" so she wanted to prove to him and herself that she didn't need mental health interventions anymore.
I'm both super frustrated with her and also heartbroken for her that some dumb frat guy made her feel that way. Of course we told her that we would help her get back to her equilibrium, I'm going with her to see her psychiatrist to get restarted on the meds next week because she's embarrassed to go alone. Her dad is going to take her to therapy for the same reason.
She's not seeing the boy anymore, so I strongly advised her to keep her medical information private in future relationships until they're very serious. There is no reason to disclose that to really anyone except those closest to her because when she's on the meds, you literally cannot tell. Poor kid is super embarrassed and struggling with the thought that she's going to have to be medicated forever. I feel so bad for her, but tried to explain that it's no different than if she needed insulin or some other medication to supplement what her body isn't making enough of.
Here's my little PSA: please teach your kids not to shame people who are actually participating in treatment for their mental health. So many people won't do it because they're afraid of exactly that. The world would be a better place if we could just not make people feel bad for taking care of themselves.
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Comments
Poor girl!
Wow, I really feel for her. She's doing so well then this idiot boy upsets everything. Hoping she gets back on track fast. I'm glad she has you two. All best wishes.
Poor kid
It's so difficult when you're dealing with being on psychoactive medication. It can feel like complete failure, that if you were only strong enough you wouldn't need it. And this is when you yourself know how much it helps you! It took me years to accept it and stop second guessing myself and, like your SD, stopping it to prove something to myself. After multiple crashes after stopping I finally came to accept that it really was okay to keep myself well by taking the medication.
I wonder if being young has something to do with it. I was in my late 20's when my baby died and everything started. Nobody I knew of my age had anything wrong with them. By the time I hit 40, lots of people did which made it easier for me to accept it.
I hope your SD finds an easier path forward. I think more people understand mental illness now than they did back in the '80's which will hopefully make it easier.
I am so sorry you went
I am so sorry you went through losing your baby and everything that came along with that. I can't imagine how difficult that must have been!
I do think part of it is being young. In a lot of ways, it is an advantage because the younger generations are more open and accepting. But there is always going to be pressure for a young person to fit in. OSD kept saying the other day that she just wanted to be "normal" like her friends. I pointed out that it was likely she has friends who are medicated and/or in therapy that she doesn't know about.
I will say that there is a 10 year age gap between OSD and DD, and within that I can see a difference in how their peer groups talk about mental health. DD's friends openly talk about their feelings and ways that they cope with anxiety and stress. Versus OSDs friends prefer to make everyone believe that everything is perfect all the time. So hopefully that's an indication that attitudes are trending in the right direction.
So glad there was
So glad there was intervention here! How dare anyone shame someone who is healthy into being unhealthy!
As someone who is alive due
As someone who is alive due to evolving modern pharmaceutical science, I understand the challenges of any number of meds on a daily basis. Though not psychoactive meds, lack of control does have a major impact on my moods so meds and lock step consistency are critical to my health including mental health. The associated mood swings when blood glucose is out of control and agressively swings between high and low ranges are incredible. Anger, etc... So, this is entirely on me.
As someone who has been on meds for approaching 44 years I recognize that my meds, managing my disease, recognizing and controlling my mood swings and associated temper, and engaging effectively with my Med team is on me. Entirely on me. I was Dx'd at 16 and by my early 20s was fully aware that my disease and effectively managing and living with it was on me.
Your SD made a choice to get off of her meds. That.... is entirely on her. Get her back with her Med team but hold her accountable for her choice to stop managing her disease. No hugging her through this without very strong discussion and a clear understanding by her that if she every does this again that the abject life failure is on her and she will live the consequences of her choices and figure out how to resolve them... or not.
As a boomer, I do not waste time on feelings when it comes to effective decisioning. Feelings are the spice of life, they are not an intellectual excercise. I embrace emotion. Feelings are the incredible spice of life, but when it is brain time and decisioning time feelings need to be put in their place.
This is a smart kid. She needs to recognize that she and she alone is responsible for her choices and how she feels has nothing to do with anything.
I hope she re-engages her brain, manages her disease, and works with her team to keep her life on the high performance tragectory she has been on.
She can do great things if she keeps her head in the game.
Some people wear glasses to
Some people wear glasses to see clearly, some people take meds to function daily. It's an adjustment but tell to be glad she has a solution to her troubles and if she takes them as prescribed, she has a real chance at winning at life. I have a few family members that could have avoided years of trouble and setbacks if they had only been diagnosed early and treated.
It made me feel sad to read
It made me feel sad to read this that some uneducated boy told her what he did. She should feel the opposite of shame. It takes courage and strength to get the help we need and she is absolutely doing the right thing to take care of herself. I hope she comes to realize she's of value and that she's doing the right thing. There's no shame in getting the help we require.
Also these drugs
Interfere with the sexual content. They don't feel sex in the proper way It stabilizes her mode and stabilizes her body not to work
. She rather have good relationships and good sexual feelings then take her meds. This is a big thing in drug taking all the time. You have to get on her to take her meds. She doesn't know she isn't going well that she is crashing and burning, Also as she gets old her meds must be adjusted