Both SDs spent the night last night and did huge "slumber party" complete with games, crafts, snacks, etc for DD as her Christmas gift. It was incredibly sweet and super thoughtful. This morning, YSD (18) left to go to BM's parents, about a 90 minute drive. The weather was horrible and YSD narrowly avoided an accident on her drive, so BM texted OSD (20) and suggested she wait for it to clear up before she headed there too. DD and I were leaving to go to my in-laws for lunch, less than 10 minute drive on city streets so I wasn't worried about the weather. I invited OSD to join us thinking it would give everything time to clear up and dry out. My in-laws rarely see her, so they were really excited that she decided to come. We had a nice time, until I noticed that OSD's phone was pinging incessantly. It turned out that BM lost her shit when she found out OSD decided to go with us and was demanding that she leave and come to BM's parents right away. OSD ignored her for a while, but by the time we got in my car to take her back to her car, she was SO upset. She cried the whole way home about how unfair it is that he mom tries to ruin every single holiday, wants her to feel awful about herself, and is just generally never happy with anything OSD does.

I told her that I knew how she felt. For at least 10 years, BM tried to ruin every single holiday that we had. She's continuing the same exact pattern of behavior, it's just that OSD is her direct target now that she's an adult. It really broke my heart for her. She said she knew when she was little that BM often caused trouble on holidays, but she was just now realizing how stressful it was for us. I wish that things were different for her, but BM Is in her 50s. She's not likely to change now, and I worry that it will only get worse when my SDs start their own families.