HELP!
Does anyone out there ever feel as completely helpless as I do? I'm dealing with a 13-year old stepdaughter who is spoiled beyond belief, and a husband who continually coddles her and does not punish her when she deserves it because she's been through so much crap with her mother.
I wouldn't want to be in her shoes either; HOWEVER - we are the parents and she is the child. By the court's rule, I am not to be the disciplinarian - my husband is. So what do you do when your husband is not doing the disciplining and you CAN'T?
We have access to her online conversations and have now read 2 sexually explicit conversations. One involved her boyfriend, with him asking her to send him naked pictures of herself, and her telling him she wanted him to give it to her "hard".
Now today I just found a conversation between her and some boy that she doesn't even know (on MySpace) in regards to oral sex, and how good she is at swallowing.
I can't take it any more! I keep telling my husband we need to shut down her MySpace, forbid her from it, and also get rid of the texting on her cell phone. He feels it's "all talk". SO WHAT IF IT IS - IT'S TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE ANY WAY YOU LOOK AT IT AND SHE IS HEADED DOWN THE WRONG PATH! If she's looking for attention she's certainly going about it the wrong way.
Any ideas anyone? As much as she aggravates the living crap out of me these days, I do love her and am truly concerned about where she is headed in the next few years.
- fedup3's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Thanks Crayon. Part of me
Thanks Crayon. Part of me wants to follow your advice and part of me feels responsible. SD basically has no mother figure but me right now. Not that it's my fault. Long story short, BM is in an abusive marriage, and my SD no longer wants to be put in the positions she's been put in. Plus she and the step-father don't get along and never did. So she's decided that she wants to live with us full-time. Besides the inappropriate online conversations, she doesn't know how to handle anger. So she likes to slam doors, throw her cell phone, mouth off (which gets her into more trouble). And she's so used to daddy giving in to everything that when she DOESN'T get her way she turns into the world's biggest bitch. It's like no one but me cares about her actual well-being...everyone just wants to make her happy and be her buddy and outdo each other. It's sickening. And as a result it's ruining her. It's a shame, because she really does have a lot of potential.
We make her give us her
We make her give us her username & password, but that only gets you so far. We have tracking software on our PC that records every keystroke (MySpace, AIM, e-mail, basically everything) & sends it to my e-mail. BF wanted to know what my SD was doing online, and now that I'm tracking it he doesn't want to hear it. I find it interesting what you said about your BF starting to see the light, because my mom had words with him a few weeks ago. The problem is, it was my mom. Maybe if one of his own friends or friends' wives said something it would have a different effect. Thanks for the feedback - much appreciated.
Good luck
Everyone I know has told my husband his approach to parenting is wrong/not working. He STILL won't change it. Just thinks everyone else doesn't know what is best for SD15. My husband would NEVER go so far as to track what SD is saying/doing on the Internet. And he knows how to do that because he works with computers.
The ONE time I heard SD (because she was yelling so loud from the basement I could hear her upstairs in the living room) talk about her sex life and told husband, NOTHING happened. Kids at school were calling her a pass-along (to the point where she won't ride the bus) and she was telling someone that she only did IT because she was half asleep and it wasn't very good.
He is still in denial.
Sounds like my Dh. Sd was
Sounds like my Dh. Sd was caught with a boy in the house whrn she was supposed to be home sick and Dh scted liek it was no big deal. He talked to her about it and that was it, no punishment whatsoever. I don't even know what he said to her.
I just don't concern myself with it.
Georgie
When we first went to court
When we first went to court over custody, my SD was only 5 and we weren't married yet. So the rule was that only the birth parents are to discipline...not any significant others. Now that we are married, and going to trial once again, you can bet I'll be bringing up that point!
Yeah..thats what I was thinking??
She lives under your roof she should also follow your rules? Take the my space notes with all those, way to adult sentences on them, to HIS mother and see if she has something to say to her son about his parenting..usually people from the "old school" would find that really off to hear that come from a 13 year old!!
But again, I agree with Crayon, the key to step parenting, especially when your opinion is overlooked everytime and you are given no support by DH...disengage, it may not save the kid, but it saves your sanity!! It's not your fault how she grows up and frankly, until DH pulls his head out of his butt regarding his daughter, anything you say or will be no help anyway...save yourself!!
Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*
block it
You can block my space from your computer. My BD12 is a total pill right now. Puberty is kicking her butt and she can be a total bitch too. I am fortunate that she lives with both her parents so her BF does not put up with her crap either. I have told my kids, BS16 and BD12, that I can read their text messages and I have. BD12 got her phone taken away for inappropriate language - lots of swearing - she was texting one of her brothers friends. I had to point out to BS16's friends that she is 12 not 14 and that their language and such around her and BD7 had to be appropriate. I think since she is developed that they all thought she was older.