Does it ever get easier
Well we were very excited to go see SS4 play his first soccer game, but on our way there we got a call form the head coach (DF had called to check on the game earlier in the day bc even thou BM is assistant coach she doesnt tell us when things change, we have also missed 2 of SS10 games for this reason) letting us know that the game had been switched to yesterday, so again we miss out. What makes it even harder to swallow is the fact that were suspossed to have them every wed and shes refusing to let us and she called DF twice to throw a fit about us coming, when the game was really yesterday and she was there!!! What a psycho!!! So now our attorney has filed the paperwork for her being in contempt again(first time was settled in court fri, she must be a slow learner). Our attorney talked to the judge who we say last time and he said he is going to bury her now, she was warned. Which sounds great to us but we still havent seen the boys in 3 wks which is really hard on the heart. Im just wondering if she will always be this way?
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It doesnt get easier...
It doesnt get easier, but I think you learn to grow thicker skin. Keep your spirits up and lets hope this judge throws the book at her.
Corie
Depends.
My DH has had his visitation withheld by BM for several months to almost a year at a time. We could never get her before a judge, though. We had to postpone twice due to my husband getting orders to deploy for the time that the court date was set. We went to mediation, but didn't resolve anything there. She finally got it dismissed. He's retired from active duty now, but it's too late to fight it. The kids are almost grown, they don't want to come here due to their active social lives and it's too late to take it to court. By the time we actually got before a judge, the oldest would be almost 18, anyway. It sucks. In seven years, my BM hasn't changed a bit as far as playing games with visitation, but like Corie says, over the years we have found a way to accept it and live our life happily in spite of it. It sounds like you have a good judge, though, so hopefully you won't end up on this end of the spectrum. There are so many custodial mother's out there who withhold visitation from non-custodial father's and so many judges who don't seem to care that emotional support is just as important as financial support. It sounds like you have a good judge and that should make all the difference. GOOD LUCK!
♥ Georgia, the un-stepmom ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
I think it CAN get better...
it has for me.
It's hard. Quite possibly the hardest thing I've ever done....this step-parenting and ex-wife business, I mean.
You, yourself, can only allow her "empowerment". If she is not going to cooperate, other outlets are necessary. If she won't update you on school events, soccer games, etc. make it abundantly clear to the powers that be (school principals, coaches, teachers, WHOEVER) that she is not very forthcoming with information regarding his children's activities and that DH is VERY interested in every aspect of what's going on with his kids. They will usually understand.
You situation is not unique. Take comfort in that. Most people are pretty sympathetic to you when you have a non-cooperative coparent. All my skids are in sports and the coach e-mails BM and DH with any updates. The teachers also offered separate parent/teacher conferences when times were a lot worse. You can't change HER but you can change your behavior in your dealings with her. Stop letting her defiance enrage you. That is exactly what she wants. So you are giving her exactly what she wants by becoming enraged and enaging in any sort of argument. She is embracing the power she has over you and you are enabling her to do so by giving her any sort of adverse reaction.
Respond calmly and with class. Nothing will bother her more. Simply explain to her that EVERY time she withholds visitation you will be filing contempt charges not because she's pissing you off but because DH has the right to be a dad to his boys. It's a mere reaction to her non compliance of a court order, the same way she would seek aid if he was not complying to his child support obligation.
My skids' BM is bipolar with Borderline Personality Order and some days the mere sight of me can send her into a manic episode (sometimes crying that DH is her only true love and I am a homewrecker, sometimes sitting next to me and telling me how much she wishes we could be friends, and sometimes screaming at DH questioning why I'm even there) so you know what I do? I don't attend any activity when she is confirmed to be there. It's not worth it to me. I don't talk to her when she calls unless it's a civil conversation of no importance or revelance to any parenting time or child support issue. If she engages in an argument, I simply walk away or hand the phone to DH and say you need to talk to DH about that. DH has learned to say "I'm sorry you feel that way but we are going to have to agree to disagree on this one..." especially when she is in an irrational and spiteful state of mind.
So in conclusion to my rambling, I say yes, it can get better. Sometimes, though, you can't rely on her to make it better for you. Don't let her determine your mood....you need to start making it better for yourself.
Good luck....
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley