Since I first blogged about 6 months ago we have been riding the ups and downs, fortunately there have been a lot more ups lately.

I’m not saying things are perfect, we still have plenty of days where skids are yelling about something, saying something awful to DH or being general douchebags, but they’ve become fewer.

I still don’t trust SStween to be around Toddler unsupervised, but he has not attempted to hurt T in anyway and usually plays nicely. He even gave T hugs goodnight on the weekend that HE (SStween) asked for.

SDteen has a horrible attitude but DH has started listening to me and not engaging her. Immediately stop talking and walk away from her when she starts in. Go back to her later and have a conversation about behavior that’s not acceptable and why. Defuse her before she kicks into BM mode and starts twisting everything you say and accusing you of abuse. Working ok so far, and she’s been generally nice with me and T.

BM has gone silent since the mediation, which has helped immensely. On the one hand, DH worries about what awful thing she is planning next or already doing, on the other hand, I cannot waste anymore energy on that disgusting excuse for a human being.

Our worst days now are the changeover days, still working on how to deal with those. Pickups are painful, they are both itching for a fight, to lay into DH for something. And the more he asks if something is wrong, the angrier they get. I’ve told him just don’t talk then, by the late evening/next morning they’re ok, they’ve worked through it. Changeback days are awful too, they’re angry, won’t get out of bed, won’t get dressed to go, fighting with DH over everything, don’t want to get their stuff together, won’t get in the car. It’s like they don’t want to come but once they’re here, they don’t want to leave.

One thing that has become crystal clear is that DH is now the sole target of any badmouthing that’s happening. They can be awful to him, then the moment they are away from dad and with me, it’s gone, over. It’s not them playing us off each other, it’s a complete shift in behavior, so whatever BM is saying, dad is the enemy and T and I don’t exist in that. Not sure how to get them past that or if we even can.

For the time being though, DH is not going to end visitation. I still expect them both to PAS outta here at some point, I don’t think there’s anything that can be done about it.

Any advice for the changeover days? It’s just weird, they’re angry when they come, then they’re angry when they leave, no idea how to make it easier on them or us.